


I'll Win Your Heart!

by Ezme1991



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:59:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 45,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3843199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ezme1991/pseuds/Ezme1991
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun transfers to new school, to be closer to his best friend Yesung, but there he meets Sungmin, who is ready to do anything to win Kyuhyun's heart, although Kyuhyun doesn't want relationship, how long will he be able to resist Sungmin!?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New school and pink guy

It was Kyuhyun's first day in new school and he was slowly walking to his class, although it was middle of semester, he had decided to change schools, he transferred not 'cause he was forced to or he didn't like his old school, he just wanted to be closer to his friend - Yesung, who recently went through a lot of bad things and Kyuhyun wanted to be there for him to support him even if Yesung kept telling him that everything is alright.

Kyuhyun stopped walking realizing what he just thought -  _"kept telling",_ Kyuhyun really wished that Yesung would tell him how he feels, but the truth was Yesung didn't talk, it wasn't that he was mute, no, but things he had to go through took away his desire to talk, or maybe it did make him mute. Kyuhyun really didn't know, neither did doctors, probably only Yesung himself knew truth or maybe even he didn't.

But the fact was - Yesung didn't talk, not even a word, and he didn't smile either, since that unlucky day no one had seen Yesung smiling, not even a little.

Kyuhyun sighed sadly, now really wasn't the right time to think about those things, he had a class to attend and he didn't want to be late on his first day.

           

 

First half of a day was really busy and tiring for Kyuhyun, in every class teachers and other students wanted to get to know him, and he had to introduce himself again and again and answer one and the same questions. Mostly they wanted to know why he transferred in the middle of semester, and at first he didn't know what to say, but then decided that _"Because I wanted"_ is good enough answer, although others didn't seem to be satisfied with that kind of answer, but he really couldn't care less, he wasn't here to make friends, he already had one precious friend he needed to take care of, while he still had this chance, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Yesung 'cause soon...

"No I won't think about that" - Kyuhyun told himself loudly, hoping that that way it will be more effective and he’ll stop thinking about all those bad things.

He kept walking and soon arrived to schools cafe, some of his classmates wanted Kyuhyun to join them, but he rejected 'cause he already had someone to meet. After getting his food, he looked over room, soon he noticed Yesung and headed to his table.

"Hi, hyung" - Kyuhyun greeted and Yesung waved his hand that way greeting Kyuhyun back.

Kyuhyun sat opposite of Yesung and noticed his hyung intensely looking at him.

"You want to know how was my first day in new school?" - Kyuhyun asked and Yesung nodded. It's already been three months since Yesung didn't talk and Kyuhyun had learned to understand what he wants to say from his expressions, hand gestures and sometimes when Yesung wanted to say something more, he wrote it on paper and gave Kyuhyun to read.

"Well it was okay, everyone wanted to know who am I, and what the hell I'm doing here, so I had to tell one and the same story again and again" - Kyuhyun said, and Yesung just nodded again showing that he understood.

They started to eat and for known reasons it was either Kyuhyun who said something or they just sat silently enjoying their meal. Kyuhyun was used to that and it didn’t upset him as much as it used to, although he had to admit that he did miss those times when Yesung was talking, joking and they spend time having fun.

           

Suddenly two guys approached their table, Kyuhyun recognized them from one of his classes - "So you rejected us, 'cause of this mute weirdo?" - one guy said and looked at Yesung as if he would be something disgusting.

"Why don't you join us, at least you won't die from boredom in deadly silence" - other added and they both laughed clearly enjoying incredibly lame joke.

Kyuhyun was boiling in anger, he knew other students made fun of Yesung 'cause he didn't talk, and it was easy to bully someone who couldn't even say anything back. He knew that even some of teachers didn't like Yesung, 'cause they couldn't ask him anything in their classes, and they had to treat him differently from others.

Kyuhyun was about to punch on of the guys, but was stopped, he looked at Yesung and saw that other was shaking his head, Kyuhyun understood that he was asking him to not hit the guy, but he couldn't just let them make fun of his friend in front of him - "But hyung, I can't just let them talk like that about you" - Kyuhyun explained, trying to get his hands away from Yesung's grip.

But Yesung just held Kyuhyun’s arms even tighter and looked at him pleadingly still shaking his head. Kyuhyun sighed, he didn't want to upset Yesung so he just turned to face those guys.

"How miserably, he can't even say a word, just shake his head, like a puppy" - guy continued to mock.

"I suggest you to leave, or else I won't listen to hyung’s pleads and beat the out of you" - Kyuhyun growled.

"Listen? Hmmm... weird. I didn't hear him say anything. Oh no, could it be that I'm deaf?" - one of the guys faked worry and then they both started to laugh again.

"Shut the up" - now Kyuhyun was really pissed off, but Yesung was still holding onto him tightly - "You don't know anything about him to have rights to talk like that. You don't even know why he's like this. Is it really that fun to hurt someone who's already deeply hurt, does it makes you feel like a hero?"   

Before Kyuhyun could say more, someone suddenly grabbed both guys by their collars - "You both, get your asses away from here, and don't ever dare to disturb them, or I'll make sure that you will regret that for the rest of your lives" - threatened seemingly small feminine guy in pink clothes, but apparently he was strong enough to get a hold of those two guys.

 "We...we're s..sorry, we w..will go" - one of the guy stuttered and they both seemed quite scared from the mysterious guy.

"Sounds like a good idea, to me" - said pink guy and let them go, both immediately left, without even looking back.

Kyuhyun stood there completely speechless, who was this guy, why did he stood up for them? And why did two bullies would get so scared from this pink guy, if this guy would threaten Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun would probably start to laugh 'cause he was just too cute and pink to be scary.

Kyuhyun snapped out of his thought when he saw that Yesung slightly bowed to guy, wanting to thank him, but the guy looked completely confused 'cause he didn't know how to translate that.

"He wants to thank you" - Kyuhyun explained to the guy.

"Oh... I'm sorry I'm bad at reading body language" - he laughed - "but you have nothing to thank about, those two deserved their lesson, and I can guarantee that they won't disturb you anymore." – he smiled sweetly at Yesung, and then turned to face Kyuhyun.

"By the way my name is Sungmin, Lee Sungmin" - he introduced himself - "And I'm glad to finally meet you Kyuhyun"

"Eh...how...how did you know my name?" - Kyuhyun was surprised, he was sure he didn't see anyone pink in any of his classes. 

"Don’t look so surprised" - Sungmin laughed - "This school really isn't that big, so it's not hard to notice new faces here, especially as handsome as yours" - hearing that Kyuhyun blushed - he just got called handsome, by some random guy he never met before.

"Omg, you're not only handsome but also cute" - Sungmin squealed seeing Kyuhyun's blush.

"Who are you calling cute? I'm not cute" - Kyuhyun snapped, he hated to be called cute, for him cute was for girls, and okay for some guys - like for example Sungmin - too, but not for him. And even more to be called cute by cute guy sounded more like an insult to him.

"Kekeke, you look even cuter when you're mad, you're such a cutie" - Sungmin giggled.

"And I'm hearing that form a guy who squeals, giggles and wears pink" - Kyuhyun said, trying to pay back, and smirked in victory when he saw that Sungmin’s cheerful expression turned to confused one, but his smirk was washed away the moment Sungmin spoke.

"So you're implying I'm cute? Well that's nothing new, I know I'm cute, and that doesn't change the fact that you're cute too" - Kyuhyun didn't have anything to say to that, so he unintentionally pouted, which earned him _“Awww, so cute”_ from Sungmin and a pinch on cheek, before Sungmin waved goodbyes, leaving Kyuhyun mad, confused and pouting.

Just when Yesung tugged him by the sleeve of his sweater, Kyuhyun remembered that other was still there, he quickly apologized and they continued to eat now in complete silence 'cause Kyuhyun couldn't stop thinking about what happened just now.

 

 

 

 


	2. Date me!

Kyuhyun was sitting in schools garden and waiting for classe to start, he came earlier 'cause he couldn't sleep, it was a couple of days after incident in cafe and Kyuhyun couldn't stop thinking about Sungmin.

Later Yesung had explained to Kyuhyun that Sungmin was really rich and his parents had big influence in this school, that's why those guys were so afraid of him. Another rich kid, that was used that everything goes according to his plan, Kyuhyun thought and he really hated people like that.

"Hi, Kyu" - suddenly a very cheerful Sungmin was in front of him, smiling widely.

"How did you call me?" - Kyuhyun asked, raising his eyebrow, he couldn't stand that people tried to give him nicknames, he had a name and he preferred to be called by it.

"Kyu" - Sungmin repeated - "I just thought Kyuhyun sounds too serious, so I made it shorter - Kyu. It sounds cute just like you. You like it, Kyu!?" - Sungmin just kept talking without noticing that Kyuhyun was getting really pissed off.

"No I don't. And don't ever call me like that, I hate nicknames" - he said, hoping that Sungmin will stop using that silly nickname.

"Oh come on, how can you not like it, you're just not used to it. I guess I'll just need to call you Kyu more often so you can get used to it. Right, Kyu" - Sungmin smiled and Kyuhyun was dumbfounded, he didn't know what to say, was this guy deaf and didn't hear what he said or what.

He was about to repeat Sungmin, that he didn't want to be called like that, but Sungmin was faster - "Actually Kyu I had another reason to talk to you" - for a moment Sungmin hesitated, but then said something that almost made Kyuhyun fall of the bench he was sitting on.

"I like you, Kyu, so will you go on a date with me!?" - Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun expectedly.

"No way, I'd never date someone like you" - Kyuhyun spat, and at the same moment regretted his words, his mouth really was his worst enemy and reason he had no friends except Yesung.

 "Ouch, that hurt, you know" - Sungmin pouted - "I really like you, Kyu"

"Don't call me like that" - Kyuhyun hissed - "And how can you like someone you don't even now?"

"Why can't I?" - Sungmin blinked, and Kyuhyun caught himself thinking that it looked really cute - "I didn't say I love you or anything like that, I just like you, and I want to try to date you. So how about this saturday!?"

"What? No! I said I won't date you and I don't like you, so get lost" - Kyuhyun said and again cursed his mouth, why couldn't he just nicely say that.

"Why you so mean?" - Sungmin pouted and for a moment he looked really sad, but in the next moment he was smiling widely again - "We could have so much fun, we could go to that new amusement park, and later sit at cafe and get to know each other better and then I'd walk you home and..."

"Stop, just stop" - Kyuhyun just couldn't listen anymore how Sungmin was planning their date that will never happen - "I'm saying this one last time - I won't go on a date with you"

 For a moment Sungmin just stood in front of Kyuhyun and it looked like he was deep in thoughts, but then he smirked and said - "You said you will say that last time, does that mean that next time you'll agree to come on a date with me?"

"What? No! That not what I meant" - Kyuhyun said shocked at Sungmin's skill to interpret things how he wanted - "Seriously what is wrong with you? Why can't you just understand that I have no interest in you"

And again Sungmin was completely silent for a moment and when he smirked again, Kyuhyun knew that he had thought of something, and from experience it won't be anything good.

 "So you will play hard to get?" - Sungmin half asked half stated - "It's okay, makes things more interesting to me. But don't worry Kyu, I'll win your heart" - he winked and turned around to leave.

For a moment Kyuhyun just stand there dumbfounded, but then yelled - "Go check your head. There's definitely something's wrong with your perception" - but only thing he got from that was Sungmin's loud laugh.

 

 

 

 


	3. Rose

It was monday morning, Kyuhyun just walked Yesung to his classroom, and now was heading to his own. He still thought about Sungmin, after their talk he didn't approach Kyuhyun anymore, but every time Kyuhyun caught his eyes in hallway, Sungmin smirked at him and Kyuhyun really was getting creeped out, he liked simply smiling Sungmin better. Wait, what...liked? No, no, no, he didn't like Sungmin, he just well... preferred when Sungmin smiled not smirked, yes that's it preferred.

 

"Hi, Kyu" - Kyuhyun jumped from surprise, he was so deep in thought that he didn't even noticed that Sungmin was standing right in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" - Sungmin apologized - "although I must admit, you look adorable when you're scared" - he giggled.

"Hi, and I wasn't scared, I.. I was just surprised" - Kyuhyun tried to explain.

"Still, it was cute" - Sungmin said and pinched Kyuhyun's cheek.

"I'm not cute and don't touch my cheeks" - Kyuhyun hissed.

"Okay, okay. By the way I have something for you" - Sungmin said and gave Kyuhyun dark read rose he was holding behind his back all this time.

"I hope you like it, see you later, Kyu." - he waved and left, leaving Kyuhyun completely speechless in the middle of hallway. _A rose...Sungmin gave him a rose? What the hell?_

His thoughts were interrupted with a bell and he remembered that he need to rush to class. Some students gave him weird looks seeing him with a rose, but Kyuhyun couldn't care less, he was too busy thinking why would Sungmin give him a rose, it didn't make sense.

Kyuhyun spend all lesson staring at the rose and thinking about Sungmin or more like thinking why Sungmin acted like that, why he couldn't just leave Kyuhyun alone. Didn't he see that other had no interest in dating him, or being friends with him, or even know about his existence. 

The more he thought about it the less sense it made and the more confused he got, he was happy to hear bell before he got completely lost in his thought.

Kyuhyun was the first one to leave classroom, he wanted to find Yesung 'cause he really needed to talk with someone. He rushed to Yesung's classroom and was happy that Yesung was alone in class.

 

"Hyung, I need to talk to you" - he said breathless from the running.

Yesung looked at him questioningly, but then he saw rose that Kyuhyun was still holding and pointed to it surprised.

"That's what I wanted to talk about" - Kyuhyun said and sat in front of Yesung - "I met Sungmin, at first he again talked that bull about me being cute, and then he gave me this and just left. Hyung, I don't get it, why would he give me a rose?"

Yesung just stared at the rose for a moment and then back at Kyuhyun, he raised his eyebrow as if asking _"don't you really get it?"_  and Kyuhyun shook his head.

Yesung took his notebook, pen and started to write something, after he finished he gave it to Kyuhyun.

_"He already told you he likes you, and that he's going to win your heart. I guess that's his way to do that._

_You know, how usually guys would give girls flowers or sweets to get their attention."_

 

"What?" - Kyuhyun yelled after reading what Yesung wrote - "What the actual ? Is he thinking I'm a girl?" 

Yesung put a finger on his mouth showing Kyuhyun that he's too loud.

"I'm sorry hyung, but how can he think that something like that will work on me, I'm not a girl" - he pouted.

Yesung wrote again: _"You know guys do those things not only to girls. I too often gave flowers to..."_

"It's okay hyung, I got it, you don't have to talk about it" - this time Kyuhyun wasn't waiting till Yesung finishes writing, but read while Yesung still wrote, and good thing he did that 'cause so he was able to stop Yesung when he noticed that other touched dangerous theme... theme that hurt Yesung... hurt them both.

Yesung just nodded, but Kyuhyun noticed that his eyes got even more sad, than they were normally, _as if it would be normal to have such a sad eyes_ Kyuhyun thought bitterly.

He sighed and put his head down on Yesung's desk, later started to gently stroke his hair. Kyuhyun relaxed 'cause of his hyung’s gentle touch, it wasn't often that he had chance to feel another person’s touch and care, and actually it was his own fault 'cause he didn't let anyone to get close to him.

Kyuhyun almost drifted to sleep, but Yesung poked him to wake up and pointed to clock, it was time to go to next class. Kyuhyun just sighed, he really didn't want to leave, but he understood that he had no other chance so he stood up.

"Bye hyung, see you later" - Yesung just nodded and waved.

On the way to classroom Kyuhyun put rose in his locker, he looked at it for a moment and thought that actually it was really beautiful and girls would probably die from happiness if Sungmin would give them a rose like that, but Kyuhyun wasn't girl and he didn't like Sungmin.

 

 

After school Kyuhyun spend time with Yesung, they were in Kyuhyun's apartment, watching movies, playing games and Kyuhyun completely forget about Sungmin, and rose he gave him. He liked to spend time with Yesung even if it wasn't as fun as it used to be, it still felt nice.

It was past midnight when Yesung went home, Kyuhyun had tried to make him stay like he often did, but this time Yesung refused, explaining that he wants to spend some time alone, and Kyuhyun let him. 

After taking a shower Kyuhyun decided to go to sleep 'cause he still had school tomorrow. He texted Yesung to make sure that other got home safe, although Yesung lived in the opposite side of the street, Kyuhyun still worried. 

He calmed down when he got back sms from Yesung saying that he's already in bed and about to sleep, although Kyuhyun knew it's a lie, 'cause when Yesung wanted to be alone, he always thought about Him... 

Kyuhyun's heart clenched when he remembered his brother.

"I hate you, Ryeowook" - he whispered in the dark - "I hate you for giving us so much pain... but still... I miss you." 

 

 


	4. Chocolate

Yesung was all alone again silently sitting in classroom, he didn't like to interact with people, and well it wasn't like he could 'cause he didn't talk, so no one, well no one except Kyuhyun, was able to understand him.  

Doctor said that it's possible that he got mute 'cause of shock or that he just don't want to talk, no one knew. Even he himself couldn't tell, how it was really, it's not like he didn't want to talk, at first he really tried to talk, but no word came out of his mouth, and later he realized that he feels comfortable in silence.

And now... now even if he could talk he would be afraid to hear his voice, to hear voice that Ryeowook loved so much, his Wookie... man he loved so much, but who left him.

At first he was mad at Ryeowook who broke his promise, promise to stay with him till the end, but he couldn't be mad at him for long, he never had been able to be mad at Wookie for longer than couple of minutes, it's just wasn't possible.   

And now, now he just missed him, all he wanted was to have him close again, to hug him and never let go again, but it was impossible.  

Yesung felt tears welling up in his eyes and he was thankful that he saw Kyuhyun coming in classroom, he really needed distraction now. He fastly collected himself so that Kyuhyun wouldn't see how close to breaking down he just now was.          

He saw that Kyuhyun was furious and guessed that it has something to do with Sungmin, and when Kyuhyun started to talk he knew he was right.         

"That guy seriously is weird, he gave me chocolate, well, I like chocolate, but still. And it's in a form of heart. Plus he wouldn't stop calling me Kyu and cute." - he whined, and Yesung just looked at Kyuhyun not knowing what to say to other, it was obvious that Sungmin was serious about winning Kyuhyun's heart.

In the end he decided to just comfort other gently stroking his hair and in few seconds Kyuhyun really calmed down - "Thank you, hyung." - he whispered taking other Yesung's hand in his and gently squeezing it.     

Someone from aside could think that they're couple, but neither of them really cared. Kyuhyun was only friend Yesung still had, that stayed with him when everyone else left him, and he was thankful for that. He just wished he could do more for Kyuhyun, to be better hyung for him, while he still had a chance.    

Meanwhile Kyuhyun remembered his meeting with Sungmin earlier.

 

*FLASHBACK*                   

"Kyu wait, I have something for you." - Kyuhyun heard someone calling him from behind, and didn't need to think twice to know who it was, he just hoped that Sungmin wasn't going to give him another rose.                    

"Here you go, I hope you will like it." - Kyuhyun's eyes couldn't get any bigger than they were at that moment - Sungmin gave him chocolate, and not just normal chocolate but heart shaped.               

"Wha...what the.. a hell." - he stuttered, he really was shocked, what guy would give another guy a chocolate?      

"Omg, Kyu you're so cute!" - Sungmin squealed and tried to pinch his cheek, but this time Kyuhyun avoided it.

"Don't pinch my cheeks, I hate when you do that." – Kyuhyun hissed.

"Okay, then I won't do that." - Sungmin said.                       

"You won't!?" - Kyuhyun asked shocked that Sungmin actually listened to him.                

"Nop, instead I'll do something else." - and before Kyuhyun had chance to ask what, Sungmin already had kissed his cheek. Kyuhyun immediately turned bright red, and tried to hide his cheeks dropping chocolate that Sungmin have him.                

"Hey, be careful, don't break it!" - Sungmin pouted, picking up chocolate and puting it in Kyuhyun's bag - "here, now you won't drop it." - he smiled.

"Who said I want it?" - Kyuhyun snapped - "maybe I hate chocolate." - Okay that was pure lie, Kyuhyun loved chocolate, usually when he got chocolate in his arms he looked like a child in Disneyland.                      

"Omg, you're not allergic to it, right?" – suddenly Sungmin looked worried - "Why didn't I think about that? Stupid, stupid, stupid, me..." - Kyuhyun was startled 'cause Sungmin started to hit his forehead.                   

"Stop it, don't hit yourself." - Kyuhyun said not being able to look at it anymore - "I'm not allergic to chocolate, I just... I..."            

"You're not, you really not!? Thanks to holly bunnies!" - Sungmin sighed relieved and hugged Kyuhyun.       

"Holy bunnies?" - Kyuhyun mumbled, but to his luck Sungmin didn't hear that.    

Kyuhyun was expecting that Sungmin will let him go, but it looked that other didn't even think about it. Kyuhyun thought that they must look surreal from aside, 'cause Kyuhyun was just standing there like a statue, while Sungmin literally clinged on him, both arms around Kyuhyun and head resting on Kyuhyun's shoulder.     

"Can you get off me?" - Kyuhyun asked.      

"Why? Don't you like it when I hug you?" - Sungmin asked back, tilting his head to one side to see Kyuhyun's face.         

"No I don't, I hate it. So get your hands off me." - Kyuhyun said more sharply than he wanted to.            

"Hmmm... you didn't say anything when I kissed you, so I guess you have nothing against it." - and before Kyuhyun could protest Sungmin kissed his cheek again and left. leaving confused, mad and this time also blushing Kyuhyun, who was still trying to hide his red cheeks, alone. 

*END OF FLASHBACK*

                       

Kyuhyun sighed loudly, Yesung understand that something is still bugging Kyuhyun, so he started to repeatedly poke Kyuhyun, like he did always when he noticed that Kyuhyun had something to say, to let him know that he's interested.    

"Earlier I didn't say all... he...he gave me a kiss... on the cheek... twice" - he blushed remembering the feel of Sungmin's lips on his skin. - "And it makes me so confused. It doesn't seem that he will stop unless I'll agree to date him"    

Yesung gave Kyuhyun paper and Kyuhyun read what he wrote: _"Then why don't you give him a chance, he seems like a nice guy."_

"I don't want relationship," - Kyuhyun said - "you know why." - he added sadly.

Yesung just sighed, he understood that Kyuhyun was afraid to have relationship 'cause he thought they always ended bad, at least that what he saw since childhood, his parents divorced when he was just a kid and later his mother had a lot of boyfriends, but none of them was longer than couple of months...and Yesung with Ryeo... no he couldn't start to think about him, not now.           

Yesung shook his head furiously to get away those thoughts, Kyuhyun noticed that and became worried.            

"Hyung, are you okay!? Are you not feeling well? Maybe we should go home?" - Kyuhyn asked worried, but Yesung just shook his head again, this time slower to show that he's okay.         

Kyuhyun observed him for a moment, and when he was sure that Yesung isn't in pain or anything he calmed down. 

"I'm sorry that lately I'm always bugging you with my problems" - Kyuhyun apologized.

Yesung just shook his head and extended his arms, Kyuhyun didn't hesitate to accept hug. Yesung was still sitting so Kyuhyun ended up sitting on his lap, with his face nuzzled in Yesung's neck.

Girl from Yesung's class came in and seeing them quickly apologized for disturbing and left, Kyuhyun knew that he probably should have told her that she isn't disturbing anything, but he didn't want to let go of Yesung, not yet... 'cause every moment with Yesung was precious to him.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Pink...?

Kyuhyun hadn't seen Sungmin for almost week, it seemed that he wasn't attending school and Kyuhyun didn't want to admit it, but he was kind of worried, Yesung of course noticed that but Kyuhyun just kept saying that he's actually happy that Sungmin isn't around, although he knew he wasn't fooling his hyung and neither he could fool himself.          

Today he was alone at school, Yesung wasn't feeling good, so he stayed home, Kyuhyun had wanted to stay with him, but Yesung insisted that Kyuhyun has to attend school and that he will be alright alone, plus Kyuhyun can visit him after school.

But of course Kyuhyun couldn't stop worrying, he was afraid that... no, he couldn't think like that, everything will be okay. But still he decided to text Yesung, just to make sure, and was relieved when Yesung texted back that now he's feeling good and he could even attend school if it wouldn't be too late already.           

"Kyu, I missed you." - Kyuhyun heard loud scream and next thing he knew Sungmin was tightly hugging him - "I bet you missed me too." - Sungmin laughed.           

"No I didn't, I was happy that you weren't around and didn't disturb me." - Kyuhyun said and immediately regret it when he saw that Sungmin's good mood dropped and he looked sadly at him, they were still hugging, more like Sungmin was hugging Kyuhyun, so their faces were quite close and Kyuhyun started to feel really uncomfortable, plus Kyuhyun felt bad for what he just said he really didn't want to be so mean so he decided he has to apologize, 'cause Sungmin was always so nice to him and truth was he really did kind of, sort of miss Sungmin, but he wasn't going to tell that, just apologize for being rude.          

He took all his courage and started - "I..I'm sorry, what I said earlier was really mean, and...I didn't mean it that way." - Kyuhyun tried to apologize without daring to look at Sungmin, he waited for Sungmin's answer, but instead he was pulled in for another hug.      

Sungmin was completely silent and Kyuhyun didn't know how to translate that, which he found funny 'cause he almost always perfectly understood what Yesung felt or wanted to say. 

Finally Sungmin spoke - "It's okay, plus I got a present for you." - And just like that Sungmin was back to his cheerful self, which Kyuhyun found really amazing, how could Sungmin always be so happy no matter what!?           

"Here, I hope you'll like it, it took me a while to choose it." - and of course Sungmin left again, leaving once again confused Kyuhyun.      

After Sungmin left Kyuhyun looked what he gave him and got shock of his life - "Plushie? P...p...pink b..bunny plushie? What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Am I supposed to play with it or what? I'm not a kid anymore. Seriously what is that guy thinking!?" - Kyuhyun stared at the plushie trying to figure out why Sungmin would give him something like that.

 

 

"Hyung, just look at this" - Kyuhyun stormed in Yesung's room and shoved  pink bunny plushie in others face. - "Just can you imagine, that guy gave me this. Is he insane, why would he give me something like that, first he treats me like a girl and now like a kid..." - Kyuhyun kept blabbering without noticing that Yesung looked at the bunny with sorrowful eyes.   

"And even more it's pin..." - that's when Kyuhyun glanced at Yesung, and noticed others look, he stopped in the middle of sentence for a moment confused why Yesung suddenly was so sad, but then realization hit him, and he immediately hid  the bunny.         

"Omg, I'm so sorry, hyung. I forgot, I really forgot, please forgive me hyung, I didn't mean to hurt you." - Kyuhyun rushed to Yesung's side and kneeled down beside him, looking at his hyung apologetically.     

Yesung shook his head showing that he isn't mad, but Kyuhyun still saw that there were tears already forming in Yesung's eyes.      

Kyuhyun couldn't forgive himself for being so stupid, how could he possibly forget that seeing bunny plushie would hurt Yesung, 'cause it reminded him how much Ryeowook loved them, Ryeowook had huge collection of them and when Ryeowook was still here all apartment was full of them, and Kyuhyun knew that Yesung still kept them in a boxes in his room, and he would look at them time to time, although it usually ended with him crying himself to sleep.         

"I'm sorry, hyung," - Kyuhyun apologized one more time, hanging his head low, 'cause he felt ashamed that he forgot - "I really didn't want to remind you, to hurt you."           

Kyuhyun felt that Yesung squeezed his shoulder and put other hand on his head, gently ruffling his hair and he understood that as a sign that Yesung forgave him, that he wasn't mad, and when he looked up to meet Yesung gentle calming eyes he knew that his judgment was right.    

But still he felt that he needs to make up to his hyung somehow, so he suggested - "Hyung, it's really nice weather today, how about we go to the park and have some ice cream?"    

Yesung just nodded, and pointed to his closet, Kyuhyun understood that he want to change before going - "Okay, I'll go change too, let's meet after 20 minutes on the street." - Yesung nodded again and Kyuhyun left the room after fastly taking that unlucky bunny so that Yesung wouldn't see it again.

 

 

"Stupid, stupid, stupid bunny. Look what you did, you made Yesung hyung sad" - Kyuhyun said madly to the bunny when he got in his room - "Omg, what am I doing, I'm talking to the plushie bunny, I must be insane." - he mumbled, before throwing bunny to his bed and going to change.

 

 

Later Yesung and Kyuhyun sat in the park eating ice cream and Kyuhyun tried to talk about random subjects, to make Yesung less sad and get his thoughts away from Ryeowook. And to his luck he really succeeded, they decided to take a walk and for a while they just kept walking holding hands and being silent, but neither of them minded, they both were used to silence and felt comfortable like that.

Kyuhyun looked around and saw that not far from them were construction works, he immediately tried to change their route, so that Yesung wouldn’t see it. Kyuhyun couldn’t let him see it, Yesung already got reminded about Ryeowook ‘cause of that bunny, there were no way Kyuhyun could let him see construction, that would be too much... even Kyuhyun’s heart clenched every time he saw some construction works, he couldn’t even imagine how hard it must be for Yesung.

To his luck Kyuhyun really managed to succeed and Yesung didn’t notice construction works, but looked confused to Kyuhyun and tried to look back to see why Kyuhyun suddenly changed their route, but Kyuhyun was fast and prevented Yesung from turning his head.

"Don’t... there’s... there’s some car accident... not nice view... " – Kyuhyun lied. Yesung looked suspectedly to him but didn’t protest and just followed Kyuhyun.

For the rest of the walk Kyuhyun kept his eyes wide open to see if around them wasn’t something that would remind Yesung of Ryeowook... something that could hurt Yesung.

Yesung noticed that Kyuhyun isn’t himself and stopped. Kyuhyun looked back surprised and noticed that Yesung is looking at him questioningly, he sighed, he couldn’t hide anything from Yesung, other just knew him too good, they wasn’t best friends for nothing.

"I suggested to come out to get your thoughts away from ...him, but around is so much that reminds of him," – Kyuhyun said – "this whole town is full of memories" – he added silently, feeling his own tears forming.

Yesung pulled Kyuhyun in the hug, and feeling that other was crying silently Kyuhyun couldn’t hold back his tears too. He realized that it must look weird for two guys standing in the middle of the park and crying in each other’s arms, but who cared.

 _I really hate you Ryeowook_ – Kyuhyun thought – _If only you would still be here, we would have fun now. We could play around happily like we used to at this park, just why you had to leave us!?_

 

 

 

 


	6. Not So Cheerful Sungmin

Despite sad walk in the park, Kyuhyun was in really good mood, 'cause he had spent the rest of the weekend with Yesung, like always they watched movies, played game, and talked, well Kyuhyun talked and Yesung wrote. And they had managed to put aside thoughts about Ryeowook and just enjoy each other’s presence, so now Kyuhyun felt relaxed and happy because of the nice weekend he had, if only Yesung would attend school today, Kyuhyun would be even more happy, but Yesung had to stay home 'cause of terrible headache he had. But Kyuhyun comforted himself with a thought that he will meet him later and hopefully then Yesung will feel better. 

Kyuhyun had one class left and he was already in classroom walking back and forth to make time go faster.           

When door opened he expected to see one of his classmates, so he was surprised when he saw, of course smiling, Sungmin.      

"I looked for you everywhere." - Sungmin pouted - "In the end I had to go to teacher’s room to get to know where your next class is. But yay, I found you." - He cheered.        

"I can't contain my excitement." - Kyuhyun sarcastically said.         

"You're mean again." - Sungmin pointed out - "But it’s okay, I think I'm already used to that. And actually I came here to talk about date." 

"What date?" - Kyuhyun asked surprised.

"Our date, dummy." - Sungmin giggled - "Remember the one where we would go to the amusement park, and then cafe, walk home, kis..."

"Wasn't I clear enough, I don't want to date you." - Kyuhyun interrupted Sungmin, annoyed that other was so persistent.        

"Well yeah, but that was then. I thought that maybe you've changed your minds." - Sungmin explained and pouted a little.

"To your information, I'll never change my mind. So you can stop wasting your and my time." - Kyuhyun said hoping that Sungmin will finally realize that Kyuhyun had no intention to date him.  

"Don't worry I'm definitely not wasting my time, I like to be with you." - Sungmin smiled sweetly which annoyed Kyuhyun even more - "And I told you I'll win your heart, I haven’t changed my mind."   

"Are you seriously stupid or you’re just having problems with ears!?" - Kyuhyun just couldn't stand Sungmin cheerfulness and how he always converted everything to positive side - "When will you understand, I don't want you in my life."          

With his words Kyuhyun got what he wanted, Sungmin wasn't smiling anymore, instead he looked really sad.   

"But I want you in my life." - Sungmin mumbled silently, but Kyuhyun still heard that.    

"You have everything, what the hell you want from me?" - Kyuhyun said, and noticed that his words saddened Sungmin even more, but he decided that maybe that way he will make Sungmin realize that there's no way Kyuhyun is going to open up his heart for him, and it always took seconds for Sungmin to smile and laugh again, so there's no need to worry or feel guilty.          

"Everything? You think I have everything?" - Sungmin asked.        

"Of course, your parents are rich, why would you lack anything?" - Kyuhyun said but he was starting to feel a little bit uneasy, Sungmin still looked sad, but usually by now he should be all happy.    

"Yes they're rich, and they can afford anything, but there's one thing they can't give me, one thing that I really need." - It looked that Sungmin was on the verge of tears and Kyuhyun didn't know what to do, this wasn't that Sungmin he knew - "They can't give me love, Kyu. They can't give me human warmth, feel that someone needs me, that someone cares about me."    

"Are you saying your parents don't love you?" - Kyuhyun asked, he was slightly surprised to see this side of Sungmin.        

"No, of course no. They love me, I know that." - Sungmin fastly said - "It's just that’s not enough, I see them maybe four or five times a year. And when we meet it's usually just for a couple of minutes, they don't even have a time for a dinner with me, and most I can get from them is fast hug and of course money... but I don’t need their money, I need them. Sometimes we talk on a phone, and they do say that they love me, miss me, care about me... I can hear it and I believe it, but... I can't feel it."        

"And what do you want from me? I have no intention to make you feel loved." - The second those words left his mouth, Kyuhyun regretted it, why couldn't he be nice, just for once.

Sungmin chuckled sadly - "You know Kyu, I think you need me as much as I need you. But unlike you I can admit it – I admit that sometimes I’m lonely and I want someone by my side, someone who could love me."      

Sungmin moved closer to Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun slowly backed, till he hit the wall and there was no place to back anymore. Sungmin placed one hand on Kyuhyun's cheek and gently stroked it.

"You’re wrong, I don’t need anyone." – Kyuhyun said trying to avoid Sungmin’s piercing gaze.

"You know at first I really just liked you, and I wanted to try to date you, to see if maybe there could be something more between us. But you rejected me and I had to chase after you, and at one moment I realized that my liking for you gets bigger and bigger." - Sungmin said and leaned closer till there were almost no space between their faces, he looked Kyuhyun in the eyes and said - "I'm falling for you Kyu."

And then Sungmin pressed their lips together, Kyuhyun just stood there like frozen, while Sungmin slowly moved his lips against Kyuhyun's unresponsive ones.           

When Kyuhyun didn't respond his kiss Sungmin felt a little bit disappointed, but well at least Kyuhyun wasn't pushing him away either, that must be a good sign.           

Kiss longed just a few seconds, but it was enough to shock the hell out of Kyuhyun.        

"You have very soft lips, Kyu." - Sungmin said after parting, and Kyuhyun blushed deep red, he wanted to say something to Sungmin, but for once when his sharp tongue could be useful to him, he couldn't utter a word.

"Why don’t you give us a chance!? " – Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun pleadingly – "Just think about it."

Sungmin left another fast peck on Kyuhyun’s lips and left.

Just when doors after Sungmin closed Kyuhyun managed to get out of his frozen state, and his brain registered what just happened.          

"He... he kissed me? Sungmin actually kissed me?"- Kyuhyun mumbled touching his lips, he was confused - a guy just kissed him, wasn't he supposed to feel disgusted or well at least weird, but instead he thought... he thought that it felt nice and somehow good. 

"Wait what? For the sake of Starcraft, what am I thinking? I can't actually like being kissed by Sungmin... can I?" - Just then he realized he said that loud, he quickly looked around, but to his luck there was no one.        

Then Kyuhyun remembered what Sungmin said, that he was falling for him. How could it be, they nearly knew each other, things like that didn't happen so suddenly, except they did, and Kyuhyun had already experienced that in past, he had seen two people falling in love at the first sight, but in the end it only caused them pain.

And to give Sungmin a chance? No he couldn't do that, there was no way he could give Sungmin a chance... a chance to hurt him. 'Cause it always was like that, at first everyone was happy and then... then there was just pain.

He didn't want to be like his mother who always cried when she broke up with another of her countless boyfriends. And he didn't want to be like Yesung, who was suffering every day because of Ryeowook. 

So he had decided to never give his heart to anyone, that way he would be safe, right? He can't get hurt if he won't let anyone close enough to hurt him. But Sungmin already was too close, and Kyuhyun didn't know how to get him away... to get him away while it wasn't too late.

Kyuhyun realized that he really needs to talk with someone, and there was just one option - Yesung. He decided to miss last class and immediately go to Yesung’s place. Even if Yesung won’t be able to give him any useful advice, at least he could make Kyuhyun feel better and forget his problems. 

 

 

 

 


	7. Truth

Kyuhyun was sitting under the tree in schools garden with a really sad face, Yesung didn't attend school today 'cause he had to go to hospital for a checkup. 

And Kyuhyun wasn't sad just 'cause his friend wasn't at school and he was alone, in normal circumstances that probably would be quite good reason, but those weren't normal circumstances and Kyuhyun had bigger reason to be sad, he couldn't stop thinking about the reason why his friend needed that check up, why he so often couldn’t attend school, why he was in pain… 

Truth was Yesung hadn't much left, and no matter how much it hurt Kyuhyun, there was nothing he could do for his hyung, 'cause there were no way to heal Yesung - he had leukemia and his days were counted.            

Kyuhyun knew that soon he will lose his best friend, and he could also see, that Yesung got weaker and weaker every day, he often had headaches, he lost weight even though he ate properly and he would often start to bleed with seemingly no reason...but of course there was reason - that damned illness he had.      

Soon Yesung probably even won't be able to attend school at all, which he insisted on doing for unknown reasons to Kyuhyun, and will need to stay at hospital. What saddened Kyuhyun was that Yesung wasn't going to go to hospital to get better, no, he will go to die there, 'cause Yesung already signed papers that he doesn't want medical help, if his heart or breathing would stop doctors couldn't even give him CPU... 'cause Yesung wanted to die, he didn't want to fight. And no matter how much Kyuhyun had cried and begged him, Yesung didn't change his minds.       

But Kyuhyun wasn't ready for that, he wasn't ready to lose Yesung - he cared about him more than anyone else in this word, not even his family, or more like what was left form it, was so close to him how Yesung was, and he couldn't imagine his life without him. He didn't want to be left alone.   

Tears slowly rolled down his face and he wasn't even trying to stop them, he always tried to be strong to not cry, and he never did in front of Yesung, but when he was alone, he couldn't hold them back anymore, he often cried himself to sleep, 'cause time that they had left was too short.

If only Yesung would have accepted treatment, he could have lived longer, Kyuhyun knew that even medical help couldn't save him anymore, but at least he wouldn't leave Kyuhyun so soon. But Yesung reject any treatment doctors offered him, Kyuhyun nearly convinced him to go for a checkup's although Yesung said there's no need for that, but Kyuhyun insisted 'cause at least that's how Kyuhyun knew...  knew how much there's left.      

At first Yesung actually had accepted treatment, even though he had to go through a lot of pain, he did everything to survive, to make his time longer, that was when he still talked, still smiled even though he knew he'll die he was still happy.

But then it all changed, Yesung refused to take any further treatment and his condition got visibly worse, years doctors predicted him was reduced to months....

And it all was Ryeowook's fault, if only he wouldn't have left Yesung...then...then Yesung would fight, he would do anything to survive even one day more, just to be with Ryeowook, and he... he would even talk, smile and laugh. He would spend his last month’s happy and without pain he felt 'cause he refused to take even medicine that could substitute his pain.         

Yes, Kyuhyun blamed Ryeowook - he blamed his brother for leaving Yesung, for not being with his lover when Yesung needed him the most.  

But at the same time, he knew how stupid it was from him, how miserably stupid it was to blame Ryeowook...'cause it really wasn't Ryeowook's fault. He couldn't blame Ryeowook that Yesung got that damned illness, and it also wasn't Ryeowook’s fault that he...he...had to leave Yesung.      

 Kyuhyun knew that Ryeowook really loved Yesung and that he wanted to make Yesung as happy as possible, although he was broken after getting to know Yesung's condition - Kyuhyun remembered how his brother cried and asked him what to do, how Ryeowook cursed everything and everyone for taking away Yesung, and how he cursed himself that he didn't notice faster, that he didn't drag Yesung to hospital when there's still would have been hope... But Ryeowook fastly collected himself and was strong in front of Yesung, determined to make man he loved happy, to make him enjoy time he had left.

And Ryeowook did perfectly good job with that, although Kyuhyun saw that inside Ryeowook is broken and he didn't knew how much his brother still could handle, he knew that Ryeowook often cried when he thought no one could see him, but Kyuhyun saw, he saw how his brother suffered ‘cause he couldn’t do anything to save his lover. But later Ryeowook was smiling again, he was laughing, doing aegyo and thanks to him Yesung was happy, despite his illness he was really happy and enjoyed life - he was that funny, dorky Yesung that Kyuhyun missed so much.

But everything changed when Ryeowook suddenly wasn't by Yesung's side anymore, it took away all Yesung's happiness, all wish to live. Kyuhyun found ironic that Ryeowook always said how much he loved Yesung's smile and voice, and now together with Ryeowook, Yesung's voice and smile were also gone.  

And Kyuhyun really hated his brother for that, but he hated himself even more for hating Ryeowook, 'cause it really wasn't Ryeowook's fault, it wasn't Ryeowook's fault that he... he had to leave.

Kyuhyun hugged his knees and put his head on them, he silently sobbed, 'cause there was nothing he could do to help Yesung, like he couldn't do anything for Ryeowook. He hated to be so helpless, so helpless against fate.

Kyuhyun continued to cry, he had to let it out, so that later he could face Yesung with a smile.

           

"Kyu, are you okay?" - Kyuhyun was startled he didn't even notice that someone approached him, he looked up and saw really concerned looking Sungmin.        

"Can you please just leave, I really need to be alone!?" - Kyuhyun answered, hoping that Sungmin would listen and just leave.   

But instead Sungmin sat next to him, and put his arm around Kyuhyun's shoulder.

"I think what you need is a shoulder to cry on." - Sungmin said, gently squeezing Kyuhyun's shoulder.    

Kyuhyun hesitated, he usually never cried in front of others, he tried to be strong and don’t let anyone know if he was hurt, only people that had seen him breaking down was Yesung and Ryeowook.

Sungmin pulled Kyuhyun closer so that Kyuhyun’s head rested on his shoulder – "I don't know why you're like this, Kyu, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, I won’t leave you alone." – Sungmin said and Kyuhyun just gave in, there was something about Sungmin that made him trust other, made him feel safe.

Kyuhyun found himself snuggling deeper in Sungmin's hug, Sungmin in return put his other arm around Kyuhyun and started to gently stroke his hair, and it made Kyuhyun want more to feel more of Sungmin, so he put his arms around Sungmin's waist and nuzzled his head in others neck. Sungmin just smiled and hugged Kyuhyun tighter.            

Being hugged like that, feeling Sungmin so close and feeling his gentle, calming touches was exactly what Kyuhyun needed and it made Kyuhyun cry even harder, his silent sobs turned into loud cries, he felt like something opened in him, and it brought out river of tears, all those emotions he kept inside - all sadness, desperation, hurt - finally got out, so he tightly held on Sungmin and cried... cried for what seemed to be hours, until there were no more tears left and he felt exhausted from all the crying, his eyes and throat hurt, he felt that Sungmin's shirt is completely wet from his tears, but he really couldn't care about that now that.       

Sungmin's body warmth and strong arms around him made Kyuhyun feel protected and he slowly fell asleep in Sungmin's embrace.           

           

Sungmin noticed that Kyuhyun's breathing got calm and steady, and it didn't take long for him to realize that Kyuhyun is sleeping. He looked at the boy in his embrace and felt strong urge to protect him, to make him happy and take away all his sadness, if only Kyuhyun would let him, if only Kyuhyun would admit that he needed Sungmin. Unintentionally Sungmin tightened his grip around Kyuhyun.    

Sungmin had planned to keep distance from Kyuhyun, to give other some time to realize that he wants Sungmin to be by his side as much as Sungmin wants Kyuhyun to be by his side.  

But then he found Kyuhyun crying and he couldn't just ignore it, and although Kyuhyun asked him to leave, there was no way he could leave younger like that, he wasn't sure Kyuhyun would accept his offer to be a shoulder to cry on, but he was happy when he did, 'cause it meant that he had at least some trust in Sungmin, and that he didn’t hate Sungmin’s company like he claimed.

Sungmin kept gently caressing Kyuhyun’s hair and he couldn't stop thinking why was Kyuhyun crying in the first place, what had happened that he cried so hard? Those wasn't just tears of sadness, it had felt more like desperate cry for help.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Walk Home

Kyuhyun woke up, and couldn't understand his surrounding, plus his head hurt like hell. He tried to look around and noticed weird position he was in, slowly he remembered everything, how he cried and how Sungmin was there for him, Kyuhyun had to admit that Sungmin's presence really helped him, helped to get out all that pain that he kept inside him.

He noticed that he's still in Sungmin's embrace and he tried to get free, but Sungmin was holding him really thigh. He looked up and realized that Sungmin is sleeping, he didn't know what to do it was getting dark outside and they couldn't stay there hugging, but he also didn't want to wake up Sungmin. When he came here it was middle of the day and Sungmin had been here with him all the time, it was just normal that he was tired and fell asleep.

Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin's face, and he had to admit that Sungmin was really handsome, although he usually acted all cute he was quite manly. Kyuhyun's eyes accidently drifted  to Sungmin's lips and he remembered the kiss, and couldn't help but blush remembering how it felt when their lips touched, it was really short and gentle kiss so he wondered how it would feel to kiss Sungmin for real.

"Aaaaahhhh... what the hell am I thinking?" - Kyuhyun screamed.

His scream waked up Sungmin, who looked confused - "Why are you screaming?" - He asked.

Kyuhyun blushed, there was no way he could tell Sungmin reason why he was screaming - "I...ummm...I just woke up and I didn't realize where I am, so I got freaked out." - he lied hoping that Sungmin won't notice that.

"I see." - Sungmin just said.

For a moment there was silence between them, but then Kyuhyun said - "Ummm...Sungmin," - Sungmin looked at him - "would you mind letting me go?" - Kyuhyun asked shyly, suddenly embarrassed about the position they were in.

"Okay, I'll let you go, with one condition - you have to let me walk you home." - Sungmin said and smiled.

Kyuhyun thought for a moment and decided that walking home with Sungmin isn't as bad as staying like this - "Okay, I'll let you walk me home."

"Kyaaaaa....thank you" - Sungmin squealed and threw his arms around Kyuhyun's neck almost choking other.

           

         

At first they walked in complete silence, Kyuhyun wanted to thank Sungmin that he was there for him and wasted all day to support him, but he didn't know how to do that, Sungmin was really nice to him today and he didn't want to end up saying something mean. As if saying thank you would be something hard, but to Kyuhyun it was, so he kept silently thinking about that.

Meanwhile Sungmin really wanted to ask for a reason why Kyuhyun was crying, but he was afraid that it would make Kyuhyun sad again, so he hesitated.

To make their walk more enjoyable, well at least for Sungmin, he took Kyuhyun's hand in his own and intertwined their fingers, Kyuhyun slightly jumped from sudden touch, looked surprised at their intertwined hands and turned away blushing,  but he did nothing to take his hand away from Sungmin's, and Sungmin smiled satisfied.

Soon they were already to Kyuhyun's apartment, and neither of them had managed to get courage to say what they wanted. Sungmin was still holding Kyuhyun's hand, and Kyuhyun didn't want to admit it, but he really liked holding hands with Sungmin, it felt nice and somehow made him feel safe.

It was amazing how all those little things Sungmin did made Kyuhyun feel so protected, but at the same time scared, 'cause he hated to depend on others, he hated to become attached to people, 'cause in the end it only brought pain, he already experienced that with his parents, with Ryeowook and he already felt pain 'cause of Yesung, but still he found himself getting even more and more attached to Yesung, as if that could save him. And he had promised himself before that Yesung will be the last one who Kyuhyun will ever let in his life, but then Sungmin appeared.

Kyuhyun decided that it's better to go in, because being together with Sungmin was dangerous… dangerous for his heart - "I should go inside." - he said silently.

"Yeah you should." - Sungmin agreed, but still didn't let go of Kyuhyun's hand, instead he moved closer till there was only some centimeters between their faces. Kyuhyun looked slightly shocked, and something inside him told him that he should move away, but it seemed that he couldn't even move a muscle 'cause of Sungmin's piercing gaze and closeness.

And before Kyuhyun could even realized it he felt Sungmin's lips against his, he thought that it will be another short kiss like previously, but Sungmin didn't stop, he let go of Kyuhyun's hand and moved his arms around youngers waist bringing them as close as it was possible, all the time gently moving his lips against Kyuhyun's.

Kyuhyun could just stand there like frozen, but he notice that something about this kiss was different, something that made it more... more enjoyable!?

Realization hit him hard - the kiss felt different 'cause he kissed back, without him noticing he had started to kiss Sungmin back, it was like his body had mind of it's own. But even after realizing that he didn't stop, he just couldn't stop, although he didn't want to admit he needed all the comfort Sungmin could give him.

     

Sungmin was surprised when he felt Kyuhyun kissing him back, but he also felt incredibly happy, that meant that Kyuhyun felt at least something for him, at least a little sympathy. And when it was Kyuhyun that made first step to deepen their kiss, Sungmin more than gladly let him, he parted his lips and welcomed Kyuhyun's tongue in, letting other explore every corner of his mouth.

Lack of air forced them to separate. Sungmin looked Kyuhyun in the eyes, and later lowered his head in embarrassment he couldn't believe that he just kissed Sungmin, and even more with tongue. Sungmin took Kyuhyun's chin in his arm and made Kyuhyun face him again - "You don't need to be embarrassed." - he smiled.

Kyuhyun didn't know what to say, so he just looked at Sungmin, and later was looking back at him before he moved his hand from Kyuhyun's chin and gently caressed Kyuhyun's cheek. Kyuhyun really enjoyed Sungmin's gentle touch, he wasn't used that someone, except Yesung, touched him, but he had to admit that despite his fear to depend from others and get attached, he desperately needed human contact.

Sungmin saw that Kyuhyun was as desperate for love as he himself was. But unlike Sungmin, Kyuhyun didn't want to admit that, but Sungmin was determined to make Kyuhyun realize how much they both needed each other, he leaned closer and gently pecked Kyuhyun's lips before saying - "Goodnight, Kyu. Let's meet in our dreams."

Kyuhyun just stand there facing Sungmin's leaving back and just when Sungmin turned around and send him a flying kiss, he managed to snap out of his daze and quickly went into his apartment.

 


	9. Give Him A Chance

Kyuhyun sat in school garden with Yesung, who was back to school, although he looked really pale and doctor tried to convince him to stay home and rest, Yesung had insisted that he wants to go to school. At first Kyuhyun also attempted to talk Yesung into staying home, but Yesung gave him his puppy eyes and furiously shook his head, Kyuhyun could only sigh and let him attend school, he really didn't want to make his hyung even more unhappy, so if attending school for some reasons made him at least a little bit happy, Kyuhyun just couldn't bring himself to force Yesung stay home.

But there was also something else that bothered him, he couldn't get Sungmin out of his head. He kept remembering their kiss and still couldn't understand why he kissed back, why he was so helpless in Sungmin's arms. Yesung apparently noticed that something is bothering Kyuhyun 'cause he started to poke Kyuhyun's cheek with his finger, Kyuhyun knew that it's a sign that Yesung wants him to talk.

He sighed and looked at Yesung, he really didn’t want to bother later with his problems, but Yesung took Kyuhyun's hands in his and looked at him with questioning eyes and Kyuhyun understood that he isn't going to just let it go.

"It's about Sungmin" - Kyuhyun started, and Yesung nodded encouraging Kyuhyun to continue.

Kyuhyun thought how to tell it to Yesung, 'cause he couldn't tell him, that Sungmin approached him when he was crying, so he decided he will skip that part and tell just about walk home and kiss.

"Well, yesterday he offered to walk me home, and I kind of agreed 'cause...'cause...well he insisted" - Kyuhyun felt bad for lying to Yesung, but he really couldn't tell real reason, so he just hopped that Yesung didn't notice anything and continued - "At first we were just walking, but then he took my hand, and well we just kept going holding hands. We didn't really have anything to talk about so we just walked in silence. And when we were in front of my apartment, he still held my hand, and... and before I knew he... he was kissing me, I thought that it's going to be short kiss just like that other time, but he didn't stop and he was holding me close and well I sort of, kind of started to kiss him back. And I don't know why I did that? It's not that I like him or anything. Hyung, I'm so confused." - Kyuhyun ended his story and looked at Yesung who seemed to be in deep thoughts.

Yesung took his bag and looked for something in it, Kyuhyun knew that he's searching for a pen and paper. Soon Yesung found them and started to write, Kyuhyun waited till he finishes.

After writing what he wanted to say Yesung gave paper to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun started to read what other wrote:

"Why don't you just admit that you do like him?

I know sometimes at first it's not easy to admit that you have feelings for someone, not even to yourself.

But Kyuhyun love is something beautiful, although yes it can hurt you badly, you shouldn't be afraid to love someone. It's wonderful feeling to love and be loved back, don't think about what might happen or how it could end, instead enjoy it while you can, so that later you wouldn't have to regret anything.

And Sungmin looks like someone who really could make you happy, he already proved that he really likes you. He stays by your side even when you push him away, and that means much. You should give him a chance.

You know that soon I won't be here for you, but I want to die knowing that you are happy, that you have someone who will take care of you."

 

"I'm scared hyung, what if he leaves me too, I don't think I'll be able to take another loss" - Kyuhyun said.

"But what if he doesn't leave you, what if he can make you truly happy and you miss that chance 'cause of your fear?" - Yesung wrote.

 

"Then I won't even know about it, I can't miss something I've never had. Wouldn't you be happier if you'd never met Ryeowook? Then now you wouldn't suffer." - Kyuhyun said and just then realized what he had said, he saw that Yesung's face got gloomy and he unintentionally clenched his fist.

"I'm so sorry hyung, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have mention him" - Kyuhyun apologized.

For a moment Yesung was silent, but then he looked at Kyuhyun with really sad eyes, Kyuhyun could see pain in them and his heart sank, he regretted that he had mentioned Ryeowook.

But Yesung started to write again:

"No I wouldn't, I'd be even more unhappy person now, if I hadn't met him.

I've never regretted loving Wookie, not even a second, although it's true - he gave me most painful memories in my life, but he also gave me most beautiful ones.

And I admit at first I really did hate him, I was mad at him for leaving me, for breaking his promise and my heart.

And it still hurts - every time I remember that day - I can't even breath, it hurts so much that I can almost feel physical pain. But still my heart belongs to Wookie, and I've never regetted giving it to him.

I think, that maybe it had to be this way, so that he wouldn't suffer, I know he loved me, and he pretended to be strong, but we both know that if he would have stayed with me till the end, if he would have to see me dying - it would have destroyed him.

So Kyuhyun, please don't hate him. You can't blame Wookie for what happened, so don't hurt yourself hating your brother."

 

Kyuhyun read what Yesung wrote and he couldn't stop himself from crying, for so many reasons - he hadn't heard nickname Wookie for so long, 'cause Ryeowook let only Yesung call him like that, everyone else would have get their asses kicked, if they called him Wookie. It reminded Kyuhyun how happy they all used to be.

He also cried 'cause he blamed Ryeowook for something that wasn't his fault, he always had had good relationship with brother, and no matter how much he wouldn't want to admit that, he actually hated Ryeowook not so much for leaving Yesung, but for leaving him. Truth was he really missed his brother. And he wished that instead of all those time they had arguments and they said some mean things to each other, he would have hugged him and said how much he loved him, how important Ryeowook was to him.

And he cried 'cause he didn't want Yesung to die, he didn't want to lose his best friend, he knew Yesung for so many years and they were like brothers, Yesung always was the first one Kyuhyun approached when he had problems or worries. To whom he will go if Yesung won't be here for him, he didn't have other friends.

Yesung hugged Kyuhyun tightly and placed gentle kiss on his forehead, Kyuhyun let him knowing that this could be one of the last hugs and kisses he'll ever get from his hyung.      

They stayed like that for a while, Kyuhyun silently crying in Yesung's arms, and Yesung desperately holding back his tears, he really didn't want to cry in front of Kyuhyun, he wanted to be strong for his dongsaeng, to support him while he still could.

When Kyuhyun calmed down he started to talk – "I’m sorry, hyung, for mentioning Ryeowook and for starting to cry like a baby."

Yesung took his notebook and pen again and started to write:

"You have nothing to be sorry about. And you don’t have to always try to be strong in front of me, I know you’re hurt too, so don’t always just think about me. I should be the one taking care of you, but somehow it's the other way around, so I should be the one to say sorry for being such a bad hyung to you. "

 

"Pabo, you’re the best hyung in the world" – Kyuhyun said and hugged Yesung again – "I’ll really miss you" – he added sadly.

Kyuhyun saw that Yesung wrote _Sorry_ and chuckled – "Pabo, you really have nothing to be sorry about."

They continued to sit silently - Kyuhyun resting his head on Yesung’s shoulder and holding hands.

After a while Yesung started to write something, Kyuhyun looked what he wrote still keeping his head on Yesung’s shoulder:

"What did you decide about Sungmin? Will you give him a chance? "

 

"I don’t know hyung" – Kyuhyun sighed - "Honestly I think I might kind of like him, but it’s just ‘cause he’s really nice to me. But I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship, not now. "

Yesung thought for a moment and then wrote:

"You could be just friends too. I bet Sungmin would agree. "

 

"I don’t think I’m ready to make friends too. You always have been my only friend and I don’t want other friends" – Kyuhyun said and he knew that he’s just looking for excuses to not let Sungmin in his life - "I think it’s better if I’m alone."

Yesung sighed before writing:

"You can’t be alone forever. And sooner or later you’ll understand that, I just hope that by then it won’t be already too late.

I think Sungmin is in love with you. I know how people look to the ones they love and that’s exactly how Sungmin look at you.

But everyone’s patience has its limits. So don’t make mistakes that you will later regret."

 

Kyuhyun tought for a moment - "Maybe I should at least try to get to know him better, before making assumptions and rejecting him" – Kyuhyun said and Yesung nodded approving of his decision.

"Thank you hyung, talking with you really helped me" – Kyuhyun said and snuggled closer to Yesung – "Would you mind is I sleep a little, there’s still plenty of time till next class and I feel tired."

Yesung shook his head showing that he doesn't mind and pointed to his lap to let Kyuhyun know that he can sleep there to be more comfortable. Kyuhyun saw it and lay down on the grass putting his head on Yesung’s lap, he again took one of Yesung’s hands and intertwined their fingers, he felt that Yesung started to gently stroke his hair before drifting off to sleep. 

 


	10. Giving Him A Chance?

Kyuhyun was slowly heading home, Yesung had some things to do so he was walking alone. And he couldn't stop thinking about Sungmin, he had decided to at least try to be nicer and get to know Sungmin a bit. But now he started to doubt his decision.

Suddenly someone jumped on him from behind, he turned around and met face to face with smiling Sungmin, of course, who else would approach him like that.

"Hi, Kyu" - he cheerfully greeted.

"Didn't I ask you to stop calling me like that? And hi" - Kyuhyun snapped but still greeted, 'cause well, he had decided to be nice.

"But I like to call you Kyu, it's shorter and sounds so cute, just like you" - Sungmin smiled and started to play with Kyuhyun's hair.

"That's why I don't like when you call me like that, I'm not cute" - Kyuhyun said - "And what are you doing with my hair?"

"I like your hair - they're so soft. I've always liked to play with people hair, but I think yours I like the best" - Sungmin said as if that would be normal to just go around and play with other people hair.

"You're weird" - Kyuhyun said, but then he noticed that Sungmin had stopped playing with his hair and now was looking at them smiling widely. Kyuhyun suspiciously touched his hair and his eyes widened - "You made me a braid!?"

"It looks cute, but it would be even better if your hair would be a little bit longer" - Sungmin said still smiling.

"You seriously need to check your head" - Kyuhyun mumbled and started to unbind his hair.

Seeing that Sungmin pouted - "why did you do that? You were so cute with it."

"I'm not cute, how many times do I need to say you that!?" – Kyuhyun desperately asked.

"How many you want, it won't change the fact that you're cute" - Sungmin said and Kyuhyun just glared at him, which Sungmin of course found cute again and started to giggle.

"Did you stop me in my way to home to braid my hair, call me cute and giggle like crazy?" - Kyuhyun asked.

Sungmin stopped his giggling and suddenly was completely serious - "Actually no, there was something I wanted to talk about with you. It's about that day I met you in school garden."

"Oh... I actually also have something to say you about that day" - Kyuhyun said, and Sungmin looked slightly surprised.

"What is it?" - He asked.

"Ehm...you see... I... I..." - Kyuhyun didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. He took a deep breath to calm himself and finally managed to say it - "Thank you for being there for me, it really meant a lot to me."

He looked up to see Sungmin's reaction and found him smiling - "You don't need to thank me. I'll always be there for you when you'll need me" - Sungmin said.

"Thanks" - Kyuhyun mumbled, before he remembered that there also was something Sungmin wanted to say.

"You said there's something you wanted to talk about, what was it?" - He asked.

"Oh that. You see I don't think middle of the street would be appropriate place for that conversation. So maybe you'd like to come to my place, I live not far from here. And I promise I won't bite or try to molest you" - Sungmin laughed and before Kyuhyun could answer Sungmin was already dragging him to his place, and Kyuhyun decided to don't protest 'cause it was a chance to get to know more about Sungmin.

Soon they were in front of one of those huge apartment buildings. Kyuhyun wasn't surprised about that 'cause everyone knew that Sungmin's parents are really wealthy, so it was logical that he would live in such a good area.

They went in and took elevator 'cause Sungmin lived in 11th floor.

When Sungmin opened his apartment door and welcomed Kyuhyun in, Kyuhyun expected to see one of those extraordinaire apartments, where everything is too much, but instead he found very simple furnishing that looked really cozy.

Apparently Kyuhyun's surprise was quite noticeable, 'cause he heard Sungmin laughing - "Not what you expected to see?" - He asked and Kyuhyun could just nod his head.

"Well I do like simple things, and since I live here alone I can do whatever I want with this apartment" - he explained - "Not like at home" - he silently added, but Kyuhyun still heard it and also noticed that Sungmin didn't look happy mentioning his home. Kyuhyun remembered their conversation about Sungmin's parents but before he could ask anything Sungmin was already back to his cheerful and smiling self, how Kyuhyun wished he could be like that, to always be so positive and cheerful and wash away all sadness in a second like Sungmin.

"I'll make some tea, but you don't just stand there and make yourself comfortable" - Sungmin said, making Kyuhyun snap out of his thoughts, and disappeared in what Kyuhyun assumed was kitchen.

Kyuhyun looked around again and just then noticed that there was piano in one corner of the room, he went over there and saw a lot of paper sheets, there were notes and lyrics, he picked up one and started to read it, it was seemingly happy song, but by reading it more carefully it became really sad. Kyuhyun read lyrics and couldn't help but think about Sungmin. Was this how Sungmin felt? He always seemed so happy just like the song - could it be that if someone would look more carefully he would also find sadness in Sungmin, just like in the song? Kyuhyun already had seen Sungmin being sad a couple of times, but it seemed so easy for him to smile and laugh again, that Kyuhyun thought he can’t be truly sad.  

"You like it" - Kyuhyun was startled, 'cause he didn't notice that Sungmin came back.

"Y..yes, it's nice... but sad" - he said - "Did you write it?"

"Yes, when I have nothing else to do I like to compose, it's a good way to express emotions that you can't express differently" - Sungmin explained, and again Kyuhyun noticed sadness in his eyes, but just like always in a matter of seconds Sungmin was smiling again.

"If I could play piano or some other instrument I'd probably do the same" - Kyuhyun said.

"You can learn. I could even teach you, if you want" - Sungmin offered.

"No thanks, I already tried and realized that it's too hard for me" - Kyuhyun explained.

"Too bad, we could play duet, you know how in movies couples play piano together and it's so romantic" - Sungmin said dreamingly.

"Suddenly I'm happy I can't play" - Kyuhyun said silently, but Sungmin still heard him and pouted.

"You're mean again, but like I said I'm already used to that, so come on, let's sit, I made a tea a brought some cookies, which by the way I made by myself so you better like them" - Sungmin said and laughed.

For a while they both just sat drinking tea, eating cookies and talking about random subjects. To his surprise Kyuhyun caught himself really enjoying Sungmin's company, and realized that they have much in common. But he still was curious what Sungmin wanted to talk about, so he decided to ask.

"Ehm...Sungmin" - he started - "You told there's something you want to talk about"

"Right, I almost forgot about that" - Sungmin laughed, but then he got all serious - "I just wondered... you don't have to say me if you don't want to, but... why you cried that day?" - Kyuhyun really didn't expect that Sungmin will ask him that, and he wasn't sure he wanted to tell him.

Seeing that Kyuhyun is hesitating he decided to ask about his suspicions - "Is it 'cause of Yesung?" - Sungmin asked and shock in Kyuhyun's eyes proved that he was right, now there was just one thing he needed to make sure of - "He's sick isn't he?"

"How...how do you know?" - Kyuhyun was really shocked - no one was supposed to know about Yesung's condition.

"I didn't know... till now. But he looks so pale and he had lost a lot of weight, so I just guessed" - Sungmin explained, and for a moment there was silence. Sungmin saw that Kyuhyun was fighting his tears, and moved to sit next to him putting arm around Kyuhyun's shoulder, this time Kyuhyun didn't hesitate to accept Sungmin's support and put his head on Sungmin's shoulder.

"Is it that bad? He can be healed, right?" - he asked, but his heart sank when Kyuhyun shook his head and whispered - "No, he can't, he will die... soon" - after hearing that only thing Sungmin could do was to embrace other letting him cry.

"He has leukemia" - Kyuhyun said when he was able to calm down a bit - "After last check up, doctor said that he has maybe month left. I knew he'll die, but still I.. I'm not ready to lose him" - Kyuhyun sobbed and held tightly to Sungmin as if that could help.

Sungmin felt his own tears streaming down his face, he didn't know Yesung that good, but still he felt really sad and it hurt him to see Kyuhyun so hurt.

"I just don't want to be left alone. He's the only one I have left" - Sungmin heard Kyuhyun mumbling, and he tightened his hold around Kyuhyun.

"You won't be alone, Kyu. I'll be with you. You just have to let me." – Sungmin said, hoping that Kyuhyun will stop pushing him away.

"I…  I guess I could try to" – Kyuhyun said hesitantly - "And it’s not like you would leave me alone if I’d say no. "

"Yup, I had no intention to leave you alone, I still have to win your heart" – Sungmin laughed.

"That’s what I thought" – Kyuhyun said– "And you can let me go now, there’s no need to hold me anymore."

"But I like to hold you. And now that you agreed to let me be by your side I’ll hug you all the time, so that you wouldn’t feel alone" – Sungmin said and hugged Kyuhyun even tighter so that other almost couldn’t breathe.

"Oh my God, where have I got myself into?" – Kyuhyun mumbled.


	11. YeWook

Ever since Kyuhyun had agreed to at least try to get to know Sungmin, other didn't leave him even for a second. Sungmin was like stuck to Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun also wanted to spend time with Yesung, so they ended up spending time all three together.

There was no more silent and calm time spending like when there was just Yesung and Kyuhyun, 'cause Sungmin's mouth wouldn't stay closed longer than a couple of seconds. At first Kyuhyun was worried that Yesung will feel uncomfortable to be next to overly happy and cheerful Sungmin, but he seemed to be okay and to Kyuhyun's surprise it didn't take long for Sungmin to learn to understand Yesung so they also could interact.

Today Kyuhyun and Sungmin were just two 'cause Yesung had to go to hospital again. Sungmin had dragged Kyuhyun to cafe and now they were sitting and enjoying their ice creams.

And to Kyuhyun's surprise Sungmin was silent it looked like he was deep in thoughts. After a while of fidgeting in his seat and looking at Kyuhyun Sungmin sighed and finally broke the silence.

"Kyu, there's something I wanted to ask you" - Sungmin started hesitantly, looking down at his legs.

"What is it?" - Kyuhyun asked all his attention still to his ice cream.

"It's about Yesung hyung" - he said and looked up to see Kyuhyun's reaction.

Kyuhyun immediately stopped eating his ice cream. He already suspected what exactly Sungmin wanted to ask - "Oh... I guess you want to know why he doesn't speak and smile, am I right?" - Kyuhyun asked and Sungmin just nodded.

"Why do you want to know that?" - Kyuhyun wanted to know.

Sungmin thought for a moment and then said - "Well, lately we’re spending time together, and I guess I just want to understand him better, to understand why he always seems so...so sad. Just I remember him always being happy - he joked a lot, laughed, but now he doesn't even smile and I just wanted to know why? Is it 'cause of his illness?"

Kyuhyun thought for a moment whether to tell Sungmin what happened or not. He knew that Yesung wouldn’t mind and it was truth lately Sungmin always was with them, so maybe he should know truth so that he accidently doesn’t say something that shouldn’t be said. Kyuhyun decided that it will just make things easier for him if Sungmin will know.   

"It has nothing to do with his illness. Reason why he stopped to talk and smile is... it's because of Ryeowook" - Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin and saw that other was confused.

"Ryeowook is... was Yesung's lover and my brother" - Kyuhyun took deep breath it still was painful to talk about Ryeowook and remember him.

"Oh, you mean that cute guy that used to always be by Yesung's side? I didn't know they were lovers" - Sungmin said remembering that he used to see Yesung with some guy a lot.

"Yes, they were" - Kyuhyun said sadly.

"What happened? Come to think of it Ryeowook suddenly just disappeared" - Sungmin asked.

"He... he’s gone... and after that Yesung hyung lost his smile and voice. He also refused to take any further treatment, that's why his condition got worse, he... he would live longer, he would even manage to live couple of years longer, if only Ryeowook would be here" - Kyuhyun said fighting his tears, he really didn't want to start to cry especially in public.

"Wait, you mean Ryeowook left Yesung knowing he's ill?" - Sungmin asked shocked - "How could he? That's... that's so cruel."

"It's not like that. Ryeowook... he didn't have choice..." - Kyuhyun said and looked at Sungmin - "Do you really want to hear what actually happened?"

Sungmin nodded and Kyuhyun started to tell Sungmin story that took away Yesung's smile and desire to talk - YeWook story.

 

_(AN: Link to where I soon will post full YeWook story at the end of chapter)_

 

When Kyuhyun, has finished Sungmin's face was soaked with tears and he still couldn't stop crying, he felt heartbroken after hearing what actually happened. And he felt incredibly bad that for a moment he had been mad at Ryeowook.

Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin, and his eyes also were teary, he thought he will be able to tell YeWook story to Sungmin without crying, but he wasn't even halfway when he felt tears stinging his eyes.

Neither of them talked, they took a moment to collect themselves and Sungmin to observe everything he just heard.

"I'm sorry that you had to remember that" - Sungmin apologized breaking silence.

"It's not like I can forget it, I remember it every day and it hurts, even thought it was months ago it still hurts" - Kyuhyun said wiping his tears - "But can you imagine how Yesung hyung feels, if for me it's so painful? He saw it... he was right there when that accident happened and Ryeowook... he died in hyung's hands."

"I can't... I really can't" - Sungmin said - "But now I can understand why there's so much pain is his eyes and why he doesn’t smile."

"The worst is that I hate Ryeowook, can you believe it I hate my brother for leaving us... for dying" - Kyuhyun chuckled sadly - "As it would have been his fault. I just... I can't help but think that if Ryeowook would be still alive, Yesung would be happy and he wouldn't die so soon. I know it's unfair to blame Ryeowook, but I just can't help but hate him for dying and leaving Yesung... and... and... for leaving me. When I got to know about hyung’s illness I felt like part of me died I didn't want to lose my best friend, but I managed to get a hold of myself, to keep living 'cause I still had my brother... Ryeowook, although he seemed so cute, innocent and childish, was the one that kept us going that gave us strength to continue with our lives, but then suddenly we were left alone, Ryeowook wasn't by our side anymore... it completely broke Yesung hyung and I just didn't know what to do... and I still don't."

Sungmin listened and cried with Kyuhyun, he felt heartbroken hearing how much pain Kyuhyun, Yesung and also Ryeowook had to go through, now he perfectly understood why Yesung was like that, who would still want to smile after seeing his lover die in his hands and knowing that his own days are counted, Sungmin knew he wouldn't, suddenly his own problems seemed so small and meaningless.

"I don't want Yesung hyung to die, he's the only one I have left" - Kyuhyun whispered, but Sungmin heard that. He moved beside Kyuhyun and hugged Kyuhyun, there was nothing he could say, and he knew that no words could make Kyuhyun feel better, so he decided to just comfort other, to let him feel that he's not alone, that Sungmin is there for him.

 


	12. One Loss After Another... (Part 1)

Sungmin and Kyuhyun were walking home when Kyuhyun got call, when he saw callers ID his heart skipped; he knew something bad must have happened.

"Yes Dr. Park" - Kyuhyun answered.

"Kyuhyun, you should come to hospital, Yesung is here, his condition got worse and he had to be hospitalized" - Dr. Park said.

"I'm on my way" - Kyuhyun said hurriedly.

"What happened?" - Sungmin asked although he already had a clue.

"Hyung got hospitalized, I need to get there" - He said and Sungmin saw that Kyuhyun was on the verge of the tears.

"I'll go with you" - Sungmin said and they both hurried to hospital. Kyuhyun was afraid that he won't get in time that it will be too late, like with Ryeowook, he didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to his brother, he didn't want the same to happen with Yesung.

 

When they got to hospital, to their luck they immediately found Dr. Park, he explained that during checkup Yesung had started to cough a lot of blood and then lost consciousness, and when he had woke up he agreed that it will be better if he stays at hospital. Doctor took Kyuhyun and Sungmin to room where Yesung was, but right to the door Kyuhyun stopped like frozen.

"What's wrong, Kyu?" - Sungmin asked worried.

"You put him here?" - Kyuhyun asked - "H..he didn't object?"

"No, why would he?" - Dr. Park asked confused.

"This is where Ryeowook died" - Kyuhyun explained - "Yesung hyung always avoided this side 'cause he couldn't look at that room, just like with that building he took longer way to school just to not go past that building next to which happened that accident, he avoided everything that could remind him about that day."

"I didn't know" - doctor said apologetically - "We can move him to another room, there are free places."

"No...there's no need, if he didn't protest then it's okay" - Kyuhyun said.

"Maybe he want to die in the same room as Ryeowook" - Sungmin said silently.

"Probably" - Kyuhyun mumbled sadly.

 

When they finally entered the room, Kyuhyun nearly could stop himself from crying, Yesung looked like he already would be dead - he was almost as pale as bed sheets. And if Kyuhyun couldn't see how his chest was rising and falling he would have thought that he's not alive. Kyuhyun went closer and sat next to Yesung's bed, he thought other is sleeping, but when he took Yesung’s hand in his, Yesung squeezed it lightly and slowly opened his eyes. Doctor Park left the room, but Sungmin kept his distance to let Kyuhyun be with his friend.

Since then Kyuhyun didn't leave Yesung's side even for a second, 'cause he was afraid that every second could be last. Sungmin also stayed, but to take care of Kyuhyun - he brought him food and made sure that Kyuhyun eat everything, at first Kyuhyun tried to protest that he's not hungry, but when Yesung looked at him pleadingly he gave in and eat.

It was almost two days since Yesung was hospitalized and Kyuhyun hadn't slept at all, it took Sungmin and Yesung almost hour to persuade Kyuhyun to sleep a bit, Sungmin had to swear that he will immediately wake him up if Yesung's condition will change even a bit. 

When Kyuhyun was finally asleep in the bed that was put in the same room, 'cause he had refused to leave room, Sungmin sighed relieved. 

He had made sure that Kyuhyun was comfortable and then looked at Yesung who was sitting and looking out of the window. It seemed that Yesung was deep in thoughts, at first his face was calm and he seemed almost happy, but then it was back to sad and Sungmin even saw a lonely tear escaping his eye.

Maybe he was remembering Ryeowook, Sungmin thought. He sighed sadly, he didn't know Yesung for long, but still he felt really sad that other will die, he somehow felt close to Yesung, and he was sure that if he would have met Yesung earlier they could be good friends.

Suddenly Yesung turned and looked at Sungmin, for a while they both just looked each other in the eyes, and before he could stop it tear fell from Sungmin's eye, Yesung reached out his hand inviting Sungmin to come closer. Sungmin obeyed and went to sit on the bed facing Yesung, who gently brushed away Sungmin's tears. For a moment they again just looked each other in the eyes, but then Yesung started to look around for something, Sungmin understood what he wants and gave him notebook and pen. 

_"Please, take care of Kyuhyun. I know he treats you badly, but please be strong."_

Yesung's handwriting was really messy and Sungmin saw that it was hard for him to even hold a pen, but he could understand what Yesung wrote.

"I will, I don't know for how long I'll be able to stay strong, but I will make sure he's alright" - Sungmin assured.

_"Thank you"_

"You don’t need to thank me; I’m doing it because I care about him, I… I…" – Sungmin hesitated to say that, but Yesung already wrote: _"You love him, right?"_

"Yes" - Sungmin sighed sadly – "But he doesn’t feel anything for me."

_"Maybe he does, but is just too scared and stupid to admit it"_

Sungmin read what Yesung wrote and couldn’t help, but smile - "I hope so."

 

For a moment they sat silently, but then Sungmin decided to ask something that was bugging him – "Hyung, can I ask you something?"

Yesung nodded.

"Just now when you were looking out of the window, did you think about Ryeowook?" – Sungmin asked and Yesung nodded again and wrote.

 

_"I miss him, but at the same time I’m happy that he isn’t here now. He was strong, but now he would suffer and that’s the last thing I would want to see before death."_

 

Sungmin pulled Yesung in hug; Yesung wasn’t expecting that and was surprised, but still hugged Sungmin back.

"I'm sure you'll meet him" - Sungmin said - "You two will have a chance to be happy somewhere else."

Sungmin felt Yesung's tears on his shoulder and he hugged him a little tighter but making sure he isn't hurting Yesung. 

Although it seemed that they were complete opposites - one sad and wistful, other always cheerful and smiling - they both had something in common, something that they couldn't say in a words, but what they felt in their hearts. 

They stayed hugging each other for a long time, silently comforting each other; they didn't need words to feel sadness and pain they both felt, for seemingly different, but actually the same reason – love.

When Sungmin heard that Yesung yawned, he broke their hug. He helped Yesung to get comfortable so that he could rest. When Yesung was asleep Sungmin still sat on his bed stroking his hair and holding hand.

 

 

Kyuhyun woke up and saw that it's morning, he had slept all night, he looked at Yesung's side and saw Sungmin sitting there and silently watching Yesung. Sungmin looked really tired; he also hadn't got much sleep these past days 'cause he always took care of Kyuhyun.

"You should go home, take a rest" - Kyuhyun said approaching Yesung's bed.

"Yeah I should" - Sungmin said but still kept looking at Yesung. Kyuhyun saw Sungmin smiling, and looked confused at him.

"Why are you smiling?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"He must have a good dream" - Sungmin said finally looking at Kyuhyun - "He looks so peaceful and relaxed and... almost happy. Maybe it just 'cause of lack of sleep, but for a moment I think I saw him almost smiling."

"You've gone crazy" - Kyuhyun mumbled, but still after looking at Yesung he had to admit that Sungmin was right, Yesung really looked more peaceful than he had been since Ryeowook's death.

"I'll leave you two now for a while. When I'll come back I'll bring you food, do you want something particular?" - Sungmin asked.

"No, anything will be good" - Kyuhyun answered, he had already accepted that he will need to eat even if he didn't feel like eating.

"Okay" - Sungmin said and suddenly hugged Kyuhyun making him completely confused.

When Sungmin let go of him, Kyuhyun asked - "What was that for?"

"Just felt like hugging you" - Sungmin said and, after giving Kyuhyun quick peck to confuse him even more, left.

 

 

When couple of hours later Sungmin returned, he found Kyuhyun sitting outside the room. He couldn't believe that Kyuhyun left Yesung, if only...

"Kyu... please don't say..." - Sungmin started, but got his answer when Kyuhyun raised his head, he was crying and Sungmin didn't hesitate to hug him.

"He w..woke… up… l..looked at me… and smiled.. h..he looked so happy… and in next moment he was already gone" - after managing to say that between his sobs, Kyuhyun completely broke down, Sungmin could only hold him tightly so that he wouldn't fall.

Sungmin tried to calm down Kyuhyun, but his crying got just worse and Sungmin had no choice, but to call doctor to give Kyuhyun some sedative meds, soon after that Kyuhyun fell asleep. 

 

 

Starting from then, Sungmin’s peaceful life completely changed; he was the one to prepare everything for funeral, because Kyuhyun wasn’t in the condition to do anything. Sungmin even started to live with Kyuhyun in free room Kyuhyun had, to always be there for him. But Kyuhyun didn't let Sungmin to pity him and always refused to share his pain with Sungmin and accept Sungmin's support. That saddened Sungmin, it hurt that Kyuhyun was pushing him away.

But Sungmin stayed to make sure that Kyuhyun is at least eating and that he doesn’t do something stupid.

He tried to be understanding although Kyuhyun didn’t say him anything Sungmin realized that he was grieving not only for Yesung, but also for Ryeowook. Kyuhyun would often cry out his brother’s name and Sungmin knew that when Ryeowook died Kyuhyun tried to be strong for Yesung, so now it seemed that he also let out all sorrow and pain that he kept inside then. 

 

 

One night to Sungmin's surprise, Kyuhyun came to his room. 

"I'm cold..." - Kyuhyun whispered - "I feel incredibly cold and... lonely."

"Come here, I'll warm you" - Sungmin said and patted space next to him in the bed. Kyuhyun hesitated, but then obeyed and slipped under the blanket next to Sungmin. Sungmin immediately pulled Kyuhyun in hug and was surprised when he felt Kyuhyun hugging back. It took seconds and Kyuhyun was already deep asleep.

"He probably already was half asleep" - Sungmin mumbled, thinking that probably that's why Kyuhyun came to him for support. He would never do something like that if he would be in his full mind. 

But after that Kyuhyun often started to come to Sungmin at nights, and Sungmin got a hope that maybe Kyuhyun actually needed him. But all his hopes were crushed when it was day and Kyuhyun was fully awake.

His attitude toward Sungmin changed completely. He was back to his mean self, just now his meanness had reached new level, his every word and action was like a knife in Sungmin's heart.

Sungmin was trying to do everything for him - cooked, did laundry, cleaned house, but all he got back was insults, Kyuhyun kept repeating that he wants Sungmin to leave, that Sungmin is nothing but an annoying burden to him. But Sungmin pretended that he's not affected by any of that, he just smiled and tried to be understanding with a hope that Kyuhyun will change, but even after month when Kyuhyun returned to school and it seemed that he got past his loss, his attitude toward Sungmin still didn't change.

Sungmin wished that Kyuhyun would open up for him, at least a little bit, but Kyuhyun kept pushing him away. And Sungmin didn't know how much he can still take, 'cause despite his smile he wasn't okay. Every Kyuhyun's word, every action hurt, it was painful for Sungmin to be treated like nothing from someone he loved.

But at night Kyuhyun again was in Sungmin’s bed, and Sungmin really didn’t know what to think - "Kyu, give me some sign, at least something so that I can know that despite everything you say and do you still need me, and not just when you feel lonely at nights. Just show me that you feel at least something for me" - Sungmin whispered stroking Kyuhyun’s hair - "Or else I don't know for how long I'll be able to take this."

 

 

 


	13. One Loss After Another... (Part 2)

Kyuhyun lay on the couch skipping channels, when Sungmin came back from school. They wasn't in the same year so usually their classes ended at different times.

"Kyu, I'm here" - Sungmin said entering apartment.

"Yeah, right... whatever" - Kyuhyun said coldly.

Sungmin just sighed, he was used that Kyuhyun didn't say even one nice word to him.

"Did you eat?" - Sungmin asked and Kyuhyun just shook his head not even looking at Sungmin - "I'll go make something."

Sungmin was about to go to kitchen, but Kyuhyun stopped him - "Don't... I'm not hungry."

"But Kyu, you need to eat something, it's not healthy to starve yourself" - Sungmin insisted.

"I said I'm not hungry, can't you just leave me alone" - Kyuhyun snapped.

"Kyu I'm just trying to take care of you, and I promised that to Yesung" - Sungmin said, trying to ignore Kyuhyun's words.

"I don't need you care...I don't need you, I just used you to get my thoughts away from the fact, that hyung will die, but now he's dead so you can leave" - Kyuhyun said and was slightly surprised of his words himself.

"Used?" - Sungmin asked surprised.

"Yes, do you really think I actually liked you?" - Kyuhyun kept saying although he himself knew that it's not true, and something inside him yelled to stop, but he couldn't - "You're nothing to me, just an annoying burden."     

"Kyu you can't just kept pushing everyone away, you need to keep living, interact with people" - Sungmin said calmly, trying to not show pain Kyuhyun’s words caused him.

But his calmness just made Kyuhyun mad, he couldn't stand how for Sungmin always everything was alright, how he could smile despite everything.

"I can do whatever I want, as I said you're nothing to me to say what I can and what I can't do" - Kyuhyun said again.

For a moment it was silent. Sungmin moved to sit on the couch next to Kyuhyun.

 

"Kyu, do you feel at least something for me? Like a little sympathy? Would it make you at least a little bit sad if you would never see me again?" – Sungmin asked after a while and his question surprised Kyuhyun unprepared, and for a moment he was silent not knowing what to answer.

"Why would I be sad? I'd probably dance from happiness" - Kyuhyun said and the second those words left Kyuhyun's mouth he wanted to slap himself… hard. 

He didn't know why he said that, truth was he really needed Sungmin, and he was thankful, that Sungmin always was there for him, that despite how bad he treated Sungmin, he could go to Sungmin's bed in the middle of the night and Sungmin always accepted him tightly hugging Kyuhyun and letting him cry.

He had really used to Sungmin's care and presence, only thing he hated about Sungmin was that he always hided his true feelings. Kyuhyun wanted that at least just for once Sungmin would snap at him or cry or somehow else show that he felt something, maybe then Kyuhyun also would admit his true feelings.

He couldn't open himself for someone who didn't do the same... he just wanted to see that Sungmin is able too feel something else except happiness, and not just for a couple of seconds.

           

"Will it really make you happier?" - Sungmin asked again.

Something inside Kyuhyun screamed to say ' _No_ ' to tell truth, but instead he heard himself saying - "Yes, I'll be happy without you."

Sungmin lowered his head and for a moment Kyuhyun thought that he'll start to cry, but after couple of seconds he raised his head and smiled... of course, what else to expect from Sungmin. Kyuhyun looked back at Sungmin pleadingly; hopping that from his silent pleads Sungmin will understand what Kyuhyun wasn't able to say out loud.

But Sungmin understand that as another plead to leave him alone.

Sungmin sighed and leaned closer to kiss Kyuhyun, he didn't expect that Kyuhyun will respond, but Kyuhyun did and it made Sungmin think that maybe he actually needed him, that all he said was just a lie, that Kyuhyun said all those mean things 'cause he didn't know how to express what he actually felt.

But Sungmin fastly putted that thought aside, there was no way Kyuhyun liked him, every word, every action showed him that. Sungmin pulled back and looked in Kyuhyun's eyes hoping to find answer there, but it just made him even more confused, 'cause now Kyuhyun suddenly looked mad... Sungmin sighed it really was silly thought that Kyuhyun could like him.

But despite that he still leaned in again and started to suck on Kyuhyun's lower lip, Kyuhyun did nothing to get Sungmin off, so Sungmin continued - he gently bit on Kyuhyun's lip, before kissing him for real.

And again Kyuhyun responded, even more, when Sungmin hesitantly Kyuhyun's lip. Kyuhyun immediately parted his lips, so that Sungmin could enter his mouth and explore every corner of his mouth - Sungmin slowly brushed his tongue against Kyuhyun's and he felt Kyuhyun's tongue to move against his too. Their tongues were dancing in perfect synchronization and Sungmin wanted to stay like that forever, to never part and face real life problems, but lack of oxygen forced him to withdraw his tongue from Kyuhyun's mouth, before really parting he drove it past Kyuhyun lips and tasted... salt? Sungmin immediately pulled away and saw that Kyuhyun was silently crying, he looked shocked at Kyuhyun for awhile.

 

"Sometimes I really hate you Sungmin, 'cause...." - Kyuhyun said but he couldn't finish what he wanted to say, 'cause part of him was still hesitant and didn't want to open up for Sungmin.

           

For a moment Sungmin just looked at Kyuhyun, he saw that there was something more, something that Kyuhyun didn't say, but he decided to never mind that 'cause it probably was just another hateful words to hurt Sungmin. It really was silly to think that Kyuhyun felt something for him, Sungmin thought and sighed.

"I hope that you will find someone that will be able to make you happy" - Sungmin said - "Take care of yourself Kyu. I love you... goodnight"

Sungmin left to his room, but Kyuhyun was left frustrated and confused.

He was mad at himself that he couldn't say what he wanted, that he kept hurting Sungmin. He had just to finish his sentence, so that Sungmin wouldn’t think he hates Sungmin, he just hates how Sungmin hides what he really feels.  

"Sometimes I really hate you Sungmin, 'cause you never show your sadness to me. You want me to trust you, but you're not doing the same for me" - Kyuhyun whispered, now that Sungmin wasn't next to him he could say it, but before he couldn't, he couldn't even tell his real feelings to Sungmin 'cause he wanted Sungmin to open up first.

And he was confused 'cause of Sungmin's action, something about Sungmin worried Kyuhyun, but he decided to never mind that, they had fights like that almost every day. And he was sure that just like always, tomorrow Sungmin will be back to his cheerful self, sometimes he even doubted if Sungmin actually was able to feel hurt for real, with that thought Kyuhyun decided to go to sleep too.

But none of them knew how wrong they both were... how much they misunderstood each other...

 

           

When Kyuhyun woke up next morning he felt smell of food like always, that meant that Sungmin was cooking, so he wasn't mad anymore, just like Kyuhyun had thought.

He got out of bed, took a shower and dressed, while doing that he had decided that he has to at least try apologize to Sungmin, 'cause other was doing everything to make Kyuhyun happier and always took care of him, so the last thing he deserved was to hear all Kyuhyun said him.

Kyuhyun went to kitchen expecting to see Sungmin there, but Sungmin wasn't there. Kyuhyun saw what Sungmin made for breakfast, and felt even worse about yesterday, Sungmin had cooked his favorite food, and it took some time to cook, that meant Sungmin had woke up really early to make it.

Kyuhyun noticed that there was note next to plate, he took it and read:

           

            Sorry, that I couldn't have a breakfast with you, but it's just better this way.

            I made your favorite food, so hope you'll like it.

            Take care of yourself and be happy.

            You're still young Kyu, you have all life, don't waste it.

            I love you Kyu, and always will.

            Sorry for being so selfish and burdening you.

                                                                                                      Sungmin.

 

After reading it, Kyuhyun again had the same feeling as yesterday when Sungmin went to sleep, something felt wrong.

He decided to think about it later and started to eat, food tasted awesome like always when Sungmin cooked, but Kyuhyun couldn't stop thinking about Sungmin's note - it didn't sound like normal note Sungmin time to time left him when he had to go somewhere and Sungmin's action yesterday - it seemed like... like... Kyuhyun dropped his fork when he realized it... it seemed like parting, like Sungmin was saying farewell to him.

Kyuhyun ran to Sungmin's room with a hope that he's wrong, but when he got there he realized that all Sungmin's belongings were gone, but he still went to check wardrobe. His hands were shaking when he opened it and unfortunately he found it completely empty… Sungmin really was gone.

Kyuhyun dropped to his knees, releasing breath he didn't realize he was holding - "He left? He really left?" - Kyuhyun asked to no one.

"Idiot... I didn't mean it... didn't you see that I lied... that I need you..." - Kyuhyun cried - "That I love you." 

He had finally managed to say what he wanted,  but it was too late - Sungmin wasn't there anymore to hear that.

 

Suddenly Kyuhyun thought of something, he run out of his apartment not even caring to lock doors. He run all the way to Sungmin's apartment with a hope that Sungmin will be there, that he had just decided to move out of Kyuhyun's place. He was desperately knocking on the door hoping that Sungmin is still there.

But the old lady from next door destroyed all his hopes - "If you're looking for Sungmin he left early this morning" - he said.

"Did he say where?" - Kyuhyun desperately asked.

"No, but he was really weird, wasn't smiling at all like always" - she said - "And then he mumbled something about being burden to someone and not wanting to hurt that person with his presence anymore... like I said really weird."

Kyuhyun's heart sank, Sungmin really believed to all he had said, and now he was gone... what Kyuhyun had feared the most had happened - another loss...

 

That night Kyuhyun spent on Sungmin's bed hugging pillow, pillow that still had Sungmin's scent, and crying. He knew it was his fault, that he kept hurting Sungmin with his words and actions. And just now when Sungmin left, he admitted that yes, he really needed him, and he loved Sungmin, despite Kyuhyun's fears Sungmin had won his heart.

But he couldn't even say that to Sungmin now, 'cause Sungmin left him, Kyuhyun knew it's his own damn fault, but still it hurt, he hugged Sungmin's pillow tighter and cried himself to sleep, hoping that he will wake up and Sungmin will still be there that it all was just a bad dream - nightmare. 

 

 

 


	14. Between Past And Future

_That night Kyuhyun spent on Sungmin's bed hugging pillow, pillow that still had Sungmin's scent, and crying. He knew it was his fault, that he kept hurting Sungmin with his words and actions. And just now when Sungmin left, he admitted that yes, he really needed him, and he loved Sungmin, despite Kyuhyun's fears Sungmin had won his heart._

_But he couldn't even say that to Sungmin now, 'cause Sungmin left him, Kyuhyun knew it's his own damn fault, but still it hurt, he hugged Sungmin's pillow tighter and cried himself to sleep, hoping that he will wake up and Sungmin will still be there that it all was just a bad dream - nightmare._

But it wasn't...

 

After Sungmin left him, Kyuhyun buried himself in studying, he finished school as one of the best students and after that went to the university in the same town. Like he always dreamed he studied computer programming. He also got part time job, not 'cause he needed money, no, his mother still send him enough money, he did that so that he wouldn't have free time, so that he wouldn't need to think about Sungmin.

Just when Sungmin left, Kyuhyun had realized just how much other did for him, and how much he needed Sungmin... how much he loved him. Kyuhyun couldn’t deny it anymore - Sungmin had won his heart and now it belonged to Sungmin.

He couldn't even tell exactly when it had happened, but he suddenly had just found himself being in love with Sungmin. He knew that it was even before Yesung's death and maybe if Yesung would lived just a little bit longer he would have managed to admit his feelings to Sungmin.

But when Yesung died, Kyuhyun got painfully reminded why he didn't want anyone close to him, why he rejected Sungmin in the first place - it hurt too much to lose the ones you love.

He had started to push away Sungmin again, just this time he was even harsher with his words. But at the same time he found himself trying to be close to Sungmin, like when he went to Sungmin's room at night, those nights were happiest moments to him then, ‘cause he felt incredibly safe and loved in Sungmin's embrace. He wanted Sungmin to be close, but at the same time far away.

He was afraid to trust Sungmin 'cause Sungmin wasn’t doing the same, Sungmin never showed that he's hurt or sad, he always just smiled and that annoyed Kyuhyun, he even started to hate that smile. Something inside him told to not trust someone who doesn't even show his real emotions, and unfortunately that part won.

Kyuhyun knew that none of those reasons were good enough to hurt Sungmin like he did, but he just tried to protect himself, to protect his heart from another pain of loss.

What he didn't realize was that even without admitting his feeling to Sungmin it will hurt to lose him. Just when that happened realization hit him, he finally understood what Yesung had meant when he said that he should take chance to be loved so that he wouldn’t regret anything later.

Kyuhyun felt broken, it hurt as much if not even more than losing Ryeowook and Yesung, ‘cause with them he at least had a lot of happy memories, but with Sungmin all he could remember was how much of an idiot he himself was, every word he said to Sungmin came back to him and like a sharp knife pierced his heart.

For about a month he woke up in the middle of night ‘cause of one and the same dream – Sungmin was looking at him and smiling like always, but his smile slowly faded and soon he was crying. Sungmin leaned closer to Kyuhyun as if wanting to kiss him, but stopped millimeters from Kyuhyun’s lips and looked him in the eyes. Tears were still falling from Sungmin’s eyes and he weakly whispered - "Why?"

At that place Kyuhyun always woke up and he found himself crying. He kept repeating _I’m sorry_ in the dark till he fell asleep again. But suddenly those dreams stopped and he realized that he want them back, ‘cause although it was always one and the same scene and it made him feel like the biggest jerk in the world, at least he could see Sungmin.

 

He had tried to find Sungmin, he really did, he went to all people Sungmin contacted to, hoping that maybe someone knew something about Sungmin, he ended up asking almost every student in their school, everyone knew Sungmin, but no one had a clue where he was.

He even went as far as getting Sungmin's parents contacts and calling them. But they didn't know anything about their son’s whereabouts, all they could say to Kyuhyun was that Sungmin had decided to suddenly change schools without explaining them anything, and he didn’t tell them to which school he will transfer.

It took some time for Kyuhyun to accept the thought that he has to keep living without Sungmin. And even then he often caught himself looking around on the streets or stores trying to find Sungmin, no matter where he was his eyes always looked for Sungmin, he hoped that maybe Sungmin will return…

 

One day when he was just walking without clear direction he ended up in graveyard, he hadn't been there after Yesung's funeral 'cause he wasn’t sure he will be able to not break down seeing both his most loved ones buried there - Yesung wanted to be buried next to Ryeowook, and Kyuhyun knew that Ryeowook would have wanted the same.

For a while he just stood there without knowing what to do – to go away or stay. When he felt his tears rolling down his face, he decided that if he’s there then why not to stay. He sat down and let all his tears out, at one moment he found himself wishing that Sungmin would come and comfort him like he did when he had found Kyuhyun crying under the tree in school’s garden. But he realized that it won’t happen, just like Ryeowook won’t start to tickle him to cheer him up, or Yesung won’t hug him and tell him one of his jokes… there was no one to comfort Kyuhyun and he felt so sad, so lonely…

When there were no more tears left Kyuhyun decided to talk to his hyungs, even if they couldn't hear him, he had to talk with someone.

"I miss you both so much. I never thought you guys will leave me alone… we talked about how we will get old together, you two planned to get married and to adopt baby… I thought that I’ll have a family… but why am I all one here now?" – Kyuhyun was crying again, remembering all plans they had for future was too painful, ‘cause none of them will ever come true.

"And I lost Sungmin too, and with him also my chance to be happy" – Kyuhyun continued – “But this time I can't blame fate, illness or something else except myself. If only I wouldn't have said all those things, things I didn't even mean... he would still be here and I could tell him how much I love him, how much he means to me."

Kyuhyun sighed sadly - "Ryeowookie, what do I do? You always knew, you always could give advice even in seemingly hopeless situation" - but he knew that there's no way Ryeowook can answer him, it was his fault that things turned out like that and now he had to fix his mistake, but how to do that? And was it even possible?

"You know, hyungs, if I'd have a chance to meet him one more time, I'd... I'd anything to get his forgiveness… I’d never again hurt him" - Kyuhyun promised - "If only I'd have a chance to meet him again."

           

But time was going and Kyuhyun still didn't get his chance. It was already years since Sungmin left, but Kyuhyun hadn't managed to find Sungmin, but he didn't lose hope - he still believed that one day he will meet Sungmin that he will have a chance to apologize and confess his feelings.

Feelings that were just getting stronger, it seemed that with every day that he was separated from Sungmin he learned to evaluate and love him more and more. Sungmin's loss had taught Kyuhyun to not be coward and appreciate love, he wasn't that scared, stupid boy he used to be, he had turned into a man, that was determined to fight for his love, if only he would get a chance....

 

It was already five years since Kyuhyun was alone, and again he sat in the same place in the graveyard talking with his hyungs. It had become his habit, whenever he felt sad, lonely, wanted to cry or just talk, he went there and talked to YeWook, sometimes he sat there for hours and after that he really felt better, even though no one could answer him, give advice or hug him, it still was better than nothing.            

"Hyungs, I'm leaving… I came to say goodbye" - Kyuhyun said - "I got a job offer. It's a game company, so you can imagine how happy I was when they called me" - he laughed, imagining how Ryeowook would frown hearing word 'games', he never had liked Kyuhyun's obsession with them.

"It's in Seoul, and for a moment I actually doubted that I want to leave this city, but I think it will be better this way, although I don't want to leave you guys, I need to move on" - Kyuhyun felt that his eyes got teary, but he fastly collected himself to not cry - "I'll still visit, and probably still talk with you two even from afar, like a crazy man" - he laughed.

From beginning he really didn't want to leave, but something inside him told to accept this offer, to move on and continue with his life - that was what Yesung had wanted him to do and Sungmin also had told him to not waste his life.

           

"Also guys I finally got courage and cleaned your apartment" – Kyuhyun continued - "I can’t believe it took me five years… there was so many memories, so many things that reminded me of you two and time we spent together… I wish I would have something left from Sungmin except that bunny, letter and one picture. I actually should thank you Yesung hyung that you took that picture, now at least I have one picture of him… of that smile I used to hate so much, but for what I’d give everything now… "

Kyuhyun sighed sadly, he hated himself for what he did and he was getting more and more afraid that he’ll never meet Sungmin again, that he will never get a chance to apologize and tell Sungmin those three words. And worst was that he knew - he deserved that, he deserved to suffer ‘cause he hurt Sungmin for no reason, just ‘cause of his stupid fear.

Kyuhyun kept sitting there for a while, but then he decided that it's time to go - "Goodbye Ryeowookie, goodbye Yesung. I love you guys."

After taking one last glance, Kyuhyun turned around and left, he had already packed all his things and they were in airport, he had came just to say goodbyes to his hyungs, before flying to Seoul, hoping that he made the right decision.

 

 


	15. Right Decision

Moving to Seoul appeared to be the right decision. First 'cause Kyuhyun loved his work, it was his dream job and he was so happy that he so fast managed to make his dream come true.

Second and main reason was Kyuhyun's boss.

When Kyuhyun first saw him he was speechless, he could only stare at the man in front of him without even being able to say a word to at least greet him.  Kyuhyun's heart was beating incredibly fast and he was afraid he will get heart attack, but still he kept looking at the man. And Kyuhyun felt incredibly happy, just looking at the man made him feel all warm inside – it was feeling he hadn’t felt for so long, and just looking at the man in front of him he felt it.

He felt like that 'cause man in front of him was no other than Sungmin - man he had tried to find so badly, but failed was standing in front of him looking as shocked as Kyuhyun was, but unlike Kyuhyun Sungmin didn't seem to be happy about their meeting. He fastly welcomed Kyuhyun in the company and left before Kyuhyun had managed to open his mouth.

 

It was almost week since their meeting, and Kyuhyun still didn't get a chance to meet Sungmin again and talk with him. He suspected that Sungmin was avoiding him and that made him sad.

Even when it was necessary for them to meet to talk about work related things, Sungmin always send his assistant.

Kyuhyun wanted to do something to fix what he had done in the past, he wanted to talk with Sungmin and explain his actions, and he wanted to finally tell to Sungmin what he really felt.

 

And soon enough he got his chance 'cause Sungmin's assistant got sick and Sungmin had no choice but to go to Kyuhyun himself.

But things weren’t going according to Kyuhyun's plan. Sungmin's attitude made Kyuhyun's heart clench - he just blankly explained what Kyuhyun need to do for their next project, as if they would be strangers, as if Kyuhyun meant nothing to him. That really hurt and unintentionally Kyuhyun grabbed his shirt as if it would help to get away the pain from his heart.

"Are you okay?" - Sungmin asked.

"Yes" - Kyuhyun said although he really wasn't, being so close but yet so far from Sungmin hurt. But Sungmin had asked if he's alright that should mean that he still cares about Kyuhyun, at least a little bit.

"Okay, then let's continue" - Sungmin smiled and continued to talk about project, Kyuhyun just sighed and listened to what he was saying.

When Sungmin had said everything about project he was about to go away, but Kyuhyun prevented him by holding on his arm.

 

"Sungmin we need to talk and not about project" - Kyuhyun said - "but about what happened between us."

"There never was such a thing as _Us_ , so we have nothing to talk about" - Sungmin said back completely emotionless.

"I know I hurt you, but I want you to know why I did that, why I said all those things" - Kyuhyun looked pleadingly at Sungmin, but all he got back was cold stare. Sungmin really had changed, he wasn't that cheerful and always smiling Sungmin Kyuhyun knew, now he seemed so cold… so emotionless…

"Can't you just forget the past?" - Sungmin asked - "I already forgot about it, so please don't bring it back again."

"But I need to explain you everything" - Kyuhyun insisted - "You need to know the truth."

"There's nothing I need to know, you already said everything back then" - Sungmin said.

"I lied, Sungmin please give me a chance to explain, to apologize" - Kyuhyun pleaded.

For a moment Sungmin was just silently looking at Kyuhyun and it made Kyuhyun think that maybe Sungmin will listen to what he wanted to say.

"But did you give me chance?" - Sungmin's words were like a slap in a face to Kyuhyun, he didn't know what to say, there was no way he could deny it - he really didn't give Sungmin chance, even when he let Sungmin hang out with him and Yesung, he never really opened up for Sungmin.

"I really loved you Kyuhyun, but it's already past, so let's just keep our relationship strictly professional" - Sungmin said and Kyuhyun felt wave of pain shooting through his heart.

"You're lying... it can't be truth" - Kyuhyun said weakly.

"It's been five years Kyuhyun. Did you really think I'll be such an idiot and love you all this time?" - Sungmin asked - "I got you out of my heart. Now you're nothing to me."

 

Kyuhyun took a deep breath, last thing he wanted was to start to cry, but not 'cause Sungmin's words hurt him, although they of course did, but because he finally realized how exactly Sungmin had felt, Sungmin's words wasn't half as harsh as Kyuhyun's, but it already hurt, he could only imagine how much Sungmin had suffered because of him.

But he wasn't going to give up, he had promised that he'll do anything to get Sungmin's forgiveness, even if he would hurt himself, 'cause he knew he deserved that pain he felt.

"Then I guess I have no choice..." - Kyuhyun said looking at Sungmin - "Looks like it's my turn to win your heart, Min."

"What? And how did you call me?" - Sungmin asked shocked.

"Min... although no... better Minnie" - Kyuhyun smiled, but then got serious again - "I'll win your heart Minnie."

"What for? To throw it away again? To hurt me again?" - Sungmin asked.

"What... no, I..."

But Sungmin interrupted him - "You know what? I don't care, do whatever you want, but know that you will just waste your time. There's no place for you in my heart anymore."

Kyuhyun could only look sadly how Sungmin left.

"I'm sorry Minnie. I know I hurt you and sorry isn't enough, but I'll prove you that I've changed... that I love you" - Kyuhyun said silently determined to do anything to get back Sungmin's heart. To replace pain he caused to Sungmin with love.

 


	16. 1st Letter

Sungmin had just got home and he was completely exhausted, his job already was quite stressful and exhausting, but now he also had to try to avoid Kyuhyun.

He was shocked when he saw that Kyuhyun is his new worker and although he pretended that he's not happy to see Kyuhyun, actually his heart almost exploded  from joy, but there was no way he will let Kyuhyun know that.

5 years ago Sungmin had left with a broken heart and it took him time to pull himself together and continue to live as if nothing had happened. He tried really hard to forget his feeling for Kyuhyun and he thought that he succeeded... so why he was so happy to see Kyuhyun?

He was sure he erased all feelings he had for Kyuhyun from his mind, but did he erase them also from his heart?

 

Sungmin was about to sit down when to his surprise he heard a doorbell – it was weird ‘cause there was no one who could visit him.

He checked who was behind the door and saw that there was courier.

"Weird. I don’t remember ordering anything" – Sungmin mumbled before opening the door.

"Lee Sungmin?" - Courier asked.

"Yes" - Sungmin said.

"Then those are for you" - courier said and gave Sungmin bucket of roses.

Sungmin stared at them shocked - "From whom?" - He asked although he already had a clue, he just couldn't believe that he would actually do something like that.

"There's a letter" - man answered - "Have a good evening sir."

"Thanks" - Sungmin mumbled and went back in.

He couldn't drag away his eyes from flowers in his hands - they were really beautiful and in his favorite color – pink. And he didn't even have to sniff them to feel their sweet aroma, for a moment he just sat and stared at them, but then he finally took the letter that was attached to them.

One part of him told to just throw it away or even better burn, but other was curious what was written in that letter. His curiosity won - so he opened it and started to read.

 

  


 

 

 

Sungmin smiled after reading letter, it was really nice and cute... if only Kyuhyun would have been so honest earlier, when Sungmin still loved him.

"It's too late Kyu... "- Sungmin whispered - "Even if you say that you’ve changed, I just can’t trust you my heart anymore... I can't let you hurt me again... because I'm not strong enough to handle that pain second time."

 

 

Next morning when Sungmin went to work, he immediately hurried to his office, he didn't like to be outside it anymore 'cause then there was chance to meet Kyuhyun, but to his misfortune he had to bump exactly into Kyuhyun.

He would have fallen if Kyuhyun wouldn't have caught him in time. Sungmin felt Kyuhyun's strong arms around him and when he looked up he was met with Kyuhyun brown eyes, he could feel Kyuhyun's breath tickling his cheek… They were so close... too close for Sungmin’s liking so he tried to get away, but Kyuhyun held him strongly.

"Please, let me go" - Sungmin weakly said.

"I can't" - Kyuhyun said and Sungmin raised eyebrows in confusion - "I promised to myself that if I'll ever meet you again I'll never let you go."

"So now we will just stand here like this forever?" - Sungmin asked sarcastically.

"I'd love that" - Kyuhyun smiled.

"Right, I forgot that you enjoy hurting me. Can't you really find someone else to torture?" - Sungmin said coldly - "Oh right, there's probably no other as stupid as me."

Kyuhyun looked sadly at Sungmin and then sighed - "You're not stupid and never were... I was the stupid one."

Kyuhyun let go of Sungmin and turned around to leave, but Sungmin grabbed his arm to prevent him from leaving. Kyuhyun turned around confused.

"It doesn't matter who was the stupid one, what happened can't be fixed, so please stop bringing back painful memories" - Sungmin said - "I was happy before you came back in my life."

"Are you sure you were happy?" - Kyuhyun asked - "Because it really didn't look like that. Come to think of it I’ve actually never seen you truly happy. Yes you used to always smile and be all cheerful, but I don't think you ever smiled from depth of your heart, you never smiled just 'cause you felt like smiling... you smiled to hide how sad you actually were."

"You're wrong. Don't think you know me, 'cause you don't" - Sungmin said and didn't even took second look to Kyuhyun before hurriedly leaving.

"I'm right Minnie and you know it" - Kyuhyun said looking at Sungmin's leaving back.

 

"Talking with yourself is a sign of insanity" – Kyuhyun heard behind his back.

He turned around and saw Sungmin’s assistant casually leaning against the wall and eating cookies.

"Oh hi, Henry. How long are you here?" – Kyuhyun asked.

"Ust.ca.m" - Henry tried to say with his mouth full of cookies.

"Can you stop eating at least for a second?" – Kyuhyun really couldn’t understand how such a small boy could eat so much, every time he saw Henry there was food in his mouth.

"I said that I just came" – Henry said pouting.

"Don’t pout, your cheeks even without that are too big" – Kyuhyun said which made Henry pout even more.

"Well Sungmin says they're cute" – Henry said sticking out his tongue.

"He does?" – Kyuhyun asked sadly, thought that Sungmin was calling someone else cute saddened him. He used to hate it when Sungmin called him cute, but now he would be incredibly happy to hear that.

 

Henry noticed Kyuhyun change in mood - "I don’t know exactly what happened between you two, but you must have done something really bad to Sungmin. He’s always smiling and polite with people, but when he’s close to you he’s so cold and... kind of scary, I’ve never seen him like that. It looks like... like... "– Henry hesitated, Kyuhyun already looked sad and he didn’t want to sadden him more with his words - "Okay, maybe I shouldn’t tell you that."

Kyuhyun was slightly shocked – Sungmin was like that just to him? He had thought that Sungmin really changed, but it appeared that changed only his attitude to Kyuhyun.

"It seems like what?" – Kyuhyun asked.

Henry heisted for a moment and then said - "I don’t really know, it just feels like that. So don’t take my words serious... "

"Just say it" – Kyuhyun interrupted Henry.

Henry sighed - "It looks like he really hates you."

Kyuhyun supported himself against wall... hearing that Sungmin could hate him really hurt, he knew Sungmin held bitter feelings for him and probably was mad at him, but he never thought that Sungmin could hate him.

 

"I’m sorry I shouldn’t have told you that" – Henry apologized seeing Kyuhyun’s state.

"It’s okay... I guess I deserve it" – Kyuhyun said weakly.

"You know my boyfriend says that people tend to hide their true feeling behind hate ‘cause they’re too afraid to get hurt" – Henry said to cheer up Kyuhyun - "And Mimi is smart, so maybe he’s right."

"It was exactly what I did" – Kyuhyun mumbled.

"That’s really stupid" – Henry said.

"Thanks for cheering up" – Kyuhyun said sarcastically.

"Sorry, I tend to be too honest" – Henry laughed - "But well people learn from their mistakes. Like once I washed my blue shirt together with Mimi’s white clothes, and when I took them out they all were blue. Mimi was so mad, mumbled some Italian names and something about new collection... so now I know that I should have washed them separately."

"It doesn’t work like that with relationship" – Kyuhyun said.

"Why not? You just remember what you did wrong and avoid doing that again. Plus try to not make similar mistakes, like for example, don’t put red pants together with Mimi’s white clothes" – Henry calmly said - "Then everything should be okay."

 

Kyuhyun thought for a moment, although the way Henry compared things seemed silly, it kind of made sense.

"But what if Mimi wouldn’t trust his clothes to you anymore" – Kyuhyun asked, playing along with Henry’s logic.

"He actually didn't, so I just took them without his permission and showed him that now I know how to not ruin them" – Henry said.

"I don’t think it’s that easy to take ones heart without their permission" – Kyuhyun sighed.

"And you think taking Mimi’s clothes is? I risked with my head doing that" – Henry said and Kyuhyun couldn’t help but laugh at Henry’s innocence.

 

"Thank you Henry, although at first I though you're just talking bull, but you actually kind of helped me" – Kyuhyun thanked.

"You’re welcome, I’m always here if you want to talk" – Henry smiled - "But now I really need to go or else Sungmin will get mad at me too, see you."

"Bye" – Kyuhyun said and also went to his workplace.

 

Kyuhyun felt really weird, but in a good way. He used to push away everyone, but now he found himself talking with Henry as if they would be friends. Kyuhyun had to smile at that realization - he really had changed, and more than he himself thought.

Now he just had to prove that to Sungmin. Like Henry said – take his clothes... ehmm heart, and show that now he knows how to treasure it.

"Hwaiting" – Kyuhyun said silently to himself. He knew it won’t be easy and it's very likely that he'll get hurt, but he had to try so that, even if he fails, later he can say himself that he did everything he could.

 

 

 

 

 


	17. 2nd Letter

Kyuhyun was sitting not far from elevator and looking how Sungmin chatted with some tall handsome man. Kyuhyun madly looked at the man - he was standing too close to his Minnie and if look could kill man probably would be already dead.

Kyuhyun had been in quite good mood, he had prepared next gift and letter for Sungmin and already gave them to courier... when he finished work he was heading out smiling, but his smile immediately dropped when next to elevator he noticed Sungmin talking with someone. He sat down and watched them, if one of them would turn they easily could notice him, but they were too into their conversation to even notice Kyuhyun's existence.

Kyuhyun glared at the man again, if only he would have some kind of superpowers... he could set that man on fire or even better blow him up - Kyuhyun smirked evilly at his mind image.

                                   

"Can you please stop planning my boyfriend’s death?" - Suddenly next to Kyuhyun was Henry.

"Your boyfriend?" - Kyuhyun asked surprised.

"Yes the man you just wanted to rip in pieces or whatever is my boyfriend" - Henry said and sat down next to Kyuhyun.

"Actually I wanted to set him on fire or blow up" - Kyuhyun said stealing a glance at Sungmin and man - "But your idea isn't bad either."

"Well I prefer him in one piece, especially those legs. Don't you dare to ruin them" - Henry cutely threatened and Kyuhyun had to smile at it.

"Don't worry if he's your boyfriend then I guess I don't have to feel... ehm... feel..." - Kyuhyun became hesitant - what exactly he felt?

"Feel what?" - Henry grinned - he already knew why Kyuhyun was trying to find a way to get rid of his Mimi.

"Feel... worried" - Kyuhyun said hesitantly.

"Worried? Are you sure it wasn't jealousy?" - Henry asked.

"What?" - Kyuhyun said surprised.

"Jealousy - it's a little monster that lives in your heart" - Henry said - "And you better get rid of it before you do something stupid."

"Like for example what?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"Like for example don't start to hit your boyfriend with thorny roses, 'cause you thought he was giving them to some girl, while actually girl was flower seller and he was giving them to her to get rid of thorns so that later he could give them to you" - Henry said looking down as if he would be embarrassed.

Kyuhyun tried hard to surpass his laughter - "I'll guess - that what you did to..." - Kyuhyun stopped realizing that he doesn't know Henry's boyfriend's real name, and to call him Mimi would be awkward and probably dangerous knowing how Henry reacted in the case with roses.

"His real name is Zhoumi, but he doesn't mind being called Mi. Just don't dare to call him Mimi" - Henry said confirming Kyuhyun's suspicious.     

"Why is he still with you?" - Kyuhyun asked playfully - "You ruin his clothes, hit him and I'm sure there's a lot more."

"He loves me, that's why he would forgive me anything" - Henry said proudly.

"Are you sure love can forgive anything?"  - Kyuhyun asked again glancing at Sungmin and Zhoumi.

"If you really love that person then yes" - Henry said - "I'd forgive Zhoumi anything - even if he would hurt me in all possible ways, 'cause I know that living without him would hurt even more. Wouldn't you also forgive Sungmin anything?"

                                   

Kyuhyun sat silently, when he asked Henry that he expected another silly comparison or well something foolish, he wasn't preferred that Henry suddenly will answer so seriously.

"Probably would" - Kyuhyun said after a while.

"You had to think about it and you said probably" - Henry pointed out and shook his head disapprovingly - "And here I thought you love him."

"What? No? I love him" - Kyuhyun loudly protested, and just when those word left his mouth he realized it was too loud. He turned and saw Sungmin and Zhoumi looking at them weirdly.

"I...ehm... I really love one.... ehm... game character" - Kyuhyun tried to awkwardly explain... He heard laugh next to him and turned to find Henry literally rolling on the floor from laughing.

Kyuhyun gave him his best glare and Henry stopped laughing.         

"You're really evil, at first you want to kill Mimi and now me" - Henry pouted - "And you claim that you're in lov..."

Realizing what Henry is about to say, Kyuhyun immediately put his hand to his mouth to prevent him from saying it 'cause Sungmin and Zhoumi was still looking at them. But his movement was so rapid that he knocked them both down and resulted on the floor on top of Henry.

                                   

"What the hell is going on here?" - Sungmin asked. He and Zhoumi had come closer and now both looked at the boys on the floor. Kyuhyun moved off Henry, but they both still remained sitting on floor.

"I thlink I bit of ma toghue" - Henry lisped.

"Then you wouldn't be able to talk, pabo" - Zhoumi laughed and gave hand to his boyfriend. Henry took it and tried to stand up, but his legs failed him, and he fell back pulling Zhoumi who wasn't expecting that together with him. They both landed right on Kyuhyun who also had tried to get up, but suddenly got knocked down.                                   

All three men groaned in pain, while Sungmin stood there clearly amused at the sight in front of him. Zhoumi and Henry carefully moved off Kyuhyun - Zhoumi stood up, but Henry remained sitting on floor to not fall again, while Kyuhyun just lay there not moving a muscle.

"Are you okay?" - Henry asked poking Kyuhyun at side and earning painful groan with that.

"No, I think I broke my... everything" - Kyuhyun weakly said.

Kyuhyun heard laughing and looked up to see Sungmin and Zhoumi laughing their asses off. Kyuhyun smiled seeing Sungmin laughing, although it was 'cause of his pain, it was worth it to hear Sungmin's laugh.

Kyuhyun kept looking at Sungmin's face and their eyes met - Sungmin immediately stopped laughing.

"I need to go" - he said and hurriedly left.

Kyuhyun sighed.

                                   

"I can fall on you more often if you want to hear him laugh again" - Henry offered.

"You want to cripple me?" - Kyuhyun asked glaring at Henry.

"That also could work" - Henry said.

"How?" - Both Kyuhyun and Zhoumi asked.

"Sungmin will pity you and want to take care of you." - Henry explained.

"No thanks, that's like the worst plan ever" - Kyuhyun rejected Henry’s idea.

"Henry baby, I think you hit your head" - Zhoumi said.

"Are you implying I'm stupid" - Henry cutely glared at his boyfriend.

"No, I'm implying that it's already late, so we should go get some dinner and maybe Kyuhyun can join us" - Zhoumi suggested.

"That has nothing to do with my head. But well Kyuhyun really should join us" - Henry said.

"I think I'll just go home" - Kyuhyun said.

"To do what? Cry alone?" - Henry asked - "You're coming with us and point."

After saying that Henry fastly stood up and harshly pulled up Kyuhyun too, who groaned in pain, his back still hurt like hell.

"Be careful, do you want to kill that boy?" - Zhoumi said and helped Kyuhyun to stand up properly.

Kyuhyun thanked him and after exchanging some words they all three went to the elevator

                                   

                                                           

Sungmin had just finished eating and washed dishes, when he heard doorbell. He went to open door and saw courier, this time he wasn't even surprised he already expected that sooner or later Kyuhyun will send him something again.

This time it was small box and on top of it letter. Sungmin went to his room, put in on bed and then went back to kitchen. He finished washing dishes and then got himself a glass of his favorite wine and went to his bedroom.

After getting comfortable he put aside box and took letter 'cause he was more interested in it. He already knew that in the box will be chocolate, 'cause it was second thing Sungmin gave to Kyuhyun.

"I don't like chocolate" - Sungmin mumbled before he opened letter and slowly drinking his wine started to read it.

 

 

 

 

Just like when he received first letter Sungmin smiled after reading what Kyuhyun wrote. Kyuhyun really could be cute at some times, but despite that and the fact that Kyuhyun was so honest now, he couldn't bring himself to trust Kyuhyun again

Sungmin sighed and took box - "Did he really send me it?"

He carefully opened it and he had to smile again seeing what was inside – there was cake in a form of heart, but what mattered was that it was his favorite cheese cake, and it even had fresh strawberries on top. Whenever Sungmin ordered cheese cake he asked to put on top some fresh strawberries 'cause it's how he liked it the best and Kyuhyun had remembered it, just like he remembered that Sungmin doesn't eat chocolate.

"Why do you remember these things? I thought you didn't care about me - about what I like, what I feel..." - Sungmin drank last sip of wine and put aside glass and box with a cake.

He lay on the bed holding Kyuhyun's letter, Sungmin had to smile just by looking at it - the paper was pink - Kyuhyun really thought about what he liked. 

Sungmin slowly reread letter - he put one hand on his heart and felt that it was beating real fast. He stopped reading and for a moment he just lay there feeling his own heartbeats.

"Please stop, don't be like this..." - Sungmin silently said to his heart - "You can't be like this toward him... he will throw away you again... he will hurt you again... so please stop reacting like this."

 

 

 


	18. ZhouRy's Here To Help

Kyuhyun was sitting on his bed with two bunny plushies in his hands - one was the one Sungmin gave him more than five years ago, and other was the one he bought for Sungmin.

He pulled plushies close to him, and held them against his chest with one hand, while with other he reached to bedside table and took letter - it was next letter he had wrote to Sungmin, he slowly reread it time to time sighing. When Sungmin had left he had felt so bad about everything he did and said, but just now when he met Sungmin he realized exactly how much of a jerk he was, 'cause now he could feel Sungmin's pain. Sungmin gave him his own medicine and it hurt.                                                  

"Bunny, what if Minnie can't forgive me? What if can't trust me at all anymore?" - Kyuhyun asked to plushie - "I didn't trust him without reason, and I couldn't find it in my heart to accept him although I didn't have a reason to push him away. But he has reasons - he has reasons to not trust me, to be mad at me, even... hate me."

But of course plushie didn't answer to him, so Kyuhyun could only sigh sadly. He looked at other plushie - the one he was about to send Sungmin.

"Will he understand what you're holding in your paws? And if he will, will he accept it?" - But again he got back nothing but silence.                

He felt tears welling in his eyes, but before he could let them out he heard doorbell.

"Damn it, I forgot Zhoumi and Henry are coming. You both stay here" - Kyuhyun said to both bunnies and went to open door for his friends. That's right to his surprise he had befriended Zhoumi and Henry, he had thought that Yesung will be his first and last friend, but now here he was hanging out with Henry and Zhoumi.

                                   

"Hi guy..." - Kyuhyun wanted to greet, but stopped when he suddenly was pulled in a hug, or more like certain hamster suddenly was clinging on him completely shocking him.

"Ehm...hamster what are you doing?" - Kyuhyun referred to Henry using nickname he gave him and glanced to Zhoumi who just smiled and helped Kyuhyun to detach his boyfriend from him.

Henry pouted - "You looked like you needed hug."

Kyuhyun chuckled at Henry's cuteness - "I guess I really did."

                                   

They went to living room and sat down, Kyuhyun brought some drinks and snacks, doing that he remembered first time he visited Sungmin and had to sigh sadly, will he ever be able to spend time like that with Sungmin?                                  

"So what made you so sad?" - Henry asked.

"Nothing particular" - Kyuhyun said.

"Kyuhyun you know you can trust us" - Zhoumi said gently - "Sometimes it's better to let out everything than to keep it inside."

Kyuhyun sighed again, Henry and Zhoumi already knew everything - he had told them all about Sungmin, Yesung and Ryeowook.

                                                                                               

Kyuhyun sighed and then started to tell what bugged him - "I just had this thought that maybe it had to be this way, so that I'd realize I'm wrong and could change for a better. But what the point of that if Minnie won't forgive me. What the point of being better person if I can't be with the one I love?"

"I agree about that, sometimes we really need to get hurt to change for a better. And don't say there's no point, aren't you more happy about yourself now?" - Zhoumi asked.

"I am, but I'll never be truly happy without Minnie" - Kyuhyun said sadly - "If only I would have realized it faster."

"You know maybe you weren’t the only one who had to get hurt to change" - Henry said.

"What do you mean?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"I mean, maybe Sungmin also needed it, so that now you would understand each other better. You guys are in reversed roles, so you should know how Sungmin feels, you should understand his fear better that anyone else" - Henry explained.

"Henry's right" - Zhoumi said - "Just think what would have made you to get past your fear, what Sungmin should have done for you to completely trust him?"                                  

Kyuhyun thought for a moment - "I always thought that if only he would show what he really felt, it would have been easier to trust him. But I really don't know."

"Does he know you love him?" - Zhoumi asked.

"No, I can't tell him that in a letter, it just feels wrong" - Kyuhyun said.

"You're right, he might think you're not sincere" - Henry agreed.

"I really don't know what to do anymore. I seems that distance between us is just growing, and now matter how I try to reach for him he just gets further away from me" – Kyuhyun said sadly.

"Isn't it also what you did?" - Zhoumi pointed out - "You should know what will be his next step."

Kyuhyun thought about it for a moment and his eyes widened when he remembered what he did next - "He will ask me to leave..." Kyuhyun took sharp breath, just imagining that Sungmin would do that hurt him, and before he knew it he felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Hey don't cry" - Henry said and sat next to Kyuhyun putting arm around his shoulder - "Crying never helps, it just makes everything worse. Like for example if I start to cry Mimi just gets angrier to me, once he even put me outside and told that I'd get back in just when I'll stop crying. But I couldn't stop, so I used window to get in, but then Mimi left. He wasn't home all night and I couldn't stop crying. Next day we met at work and calmly talked about everything. Point is if I wouldn't have been such a crybaby we would have made up immediately."

Kyuhyun chuckled between his tears - "But does it stopped you from crying next time?"

"I really tried, but stupid tears would still come out" - Henry said and Kyuhyun didn't need to even see him to know he's pouting.

"He tried to convince me that those aren't tears, but that he just drank too much water and now it has to get out" - Zhoumi laughed and Kyuhyun also couldn't stop himself from laughing, it really sounded like something Henry would say.

"Well even the stupidest reasoning is good when you need to fight for your love" - Henry said, folding his arms and pretending to be mad, but one smile from Zhoumi and hamster was melting already.

"Mi, why were you angry to see Henry cry?" - Kyuhyun asked out of curiosity.

"I hate to see him cry, especially if it's 'cause of our fight" - Zhoumi sighed - "And it's not that much that I get angry at him, more like I’m mad at myself that I've made him cry. It hurts to see him suffer 'cause of me."

Kyuhyun sighed - "I know what you mean."

 

"So now that you stopped crying, what will you do if Sungmin will ask you to leave?" - Henry asked - "Crying isn't right answer how you can guess."

Kyuhyun thought for a moment, he knew that if Sungmin would ask him that, crying would probably be first thing he would do, but Henry and Zhoumi were right it won't help him, there had to be something else.

"I'll let him go" - Kyuhyun said shocking Henry and Zhoumi - "Or more like I'll make him think that I'm letting go, to get a chance to confess to him and to apologize. And then... then I guess it's his choice."

Henry and Zhoumi sighed relieved.

"You know for a moment you scared us" - Zhoumi said.

"Yeah, I already tried to remember all kicking moves I've seen in movies" - Henry added.

"Would love to see how you'd try to kick my " - Kyuhyun laughed.

"Don't underestimate me, I quite often kick Zhoumi out of bed" - Henry said.

"Yeah, when you're asleep" - Zhoumi laughed.

"So imagine what I could do to your when I'm not asleep" - Henry protested.

"You better imagine what I'd do to your if you'd even try something like that" - Zhoumi smirked.

"Guys, too much information" - Kyuhyun said.

"What? There never can be too much information about gay , especially if you're guy who’s trying to get another guys heart" - Henry said - "You wouldn't want to be completely clueless in your first night, would you?"

"Henry I know how to use internet. And I'm 23, do you really think I don't know anything about it?" - Kyuhyun said, but he had to blush 'cause he wasn't used to talk about those things, Ryeowook had once tried to educate him, but Kyuhyun immediately had stormed out of the room covering his ears.

"I hope you weren’t learning from some fan fictions or things like that. Can you imagine they say you can do that without preparation? Hell no, I still want my to be usable after " - Henry said dramatically.

"Preparation?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"You don't actually know much, right?" - Zhoumi asked gently smiling.

"Not really" - Kyuhyun shyly confessed - "But guys I really don't want to talk about it."

"If you really don't want, we won't force you" - Zhoumi said and Kyuhyun smiled.

"But next time I'll bring you , my brother had a lot" - Henry said making Kyuhyun blush again.

"I didn't know you have a brother" - Kyuhyun said ignoring what Henry said.

"Had... he died. He and his lover got in tragic accident" - Henry said.

"I'm sorry I didn't know" - Kyuhyun apologized and remembered Ryeowook and Yesung, he still missed them and often caught himself still reaching for his phone to call one of them when he woke up in the middle of night from a bad dream.

Henry and Zhoumi saw that Kyuhyun got sad and guessed that he remembered his own brother and his lover.

"You shouldn't be sad 'cause of them" - Henry said - "I'm happy for Hyukaje and Donghae, I know they're both together somewhere and happy."

"How can you know they're together?" - Kyuhyun asked, he often thought whether Ryeowook and Yesung met each other, whether there was second chance for them to be happy?

"It's simple - if someone would try to separate them, they would turn around either hell or heaven just to meet each other again, they were inseparable" - Henry said smiling - "So you also should be happy for your brother and his lover, I bet they wouldn't like you to be all sad, they probably feel bad enough for leaving you."                                  

"Henry, why do you sometimes make so much sense?" - Kyuhyun chuckled.

"What do you mean? Are you implying that there are times when I don't make sense?" - Henry asked making both Kyuhyun and Zhoumi laugh.

"Of course not, surprisingly everything you say has a point" - Kyuhyun said.

"Because I'm smart" - Henry said proudly.

                                   

All three men kept spending time talking and laughing. Kyuhyun was really enjoying time with Zhoumi and Henry; everything would be perfect if only Sungmin would also be with them.

After a while Zhoumi had to go, he had promised to meet up Sungmin - they were quite close and Zhoumi was probably closest to Sungmin from them all, although Sungmin still didn't show his real self to Zhoumi and refused to even talk about Kyuhyun, when Zhoumi had mentioned him, Sungmin had threatened to kick him out if he'll ever even mention Kyuhyun's name.

Kyuhyun gave Zhoumi letter and bunny to give to Sungmin, and Zhoumi agreed to give them to Sungmin, 'cause he really wanted to see how Sungmin would react, he wanted to see that Kyuhyun isn't fighting for nothing, that he had a chance to win Sungmin's heart.

                                   

                                   

When Sungmin opened door to Zhoumi saw how tired he looked, it seemed that lately he hadn't got much rest. He probably, just like Kyuhyun, had too much things going on in his mind. _How stupid people can be?_ Zhoumi thought _Hurting themselves thinking they're protecting themselves that way, what an idiots._                          

"Hi Mi, come in" - Sungmin welcomed him smiling.

"Hi, I got something for you" - Zhoumi said and gave Sungmin Kyuhyun's letter and bunny.

The moment Sungmin saw bunny he squeaked loudly immediately hugging it.

"I guess Kyuhyun has good taste in bunnies" - Zhoumi chuckled, he was happy to see Sungmin's reaction.

Sungmin pouted - "It has nothing to do with him, I just like bunnies."

"If you say so" - Zhoumi said still smiling.

They sat on the couch and Sungmin still looked at the bunny - it was light pink, and it looked at him pleadingly holding in his paws heart. Does it have some meaning or it was just random choice Sungmin wondered. Nonetheless he had to smile looking at it and he felt his heart beating fast again, why does it always happened whenever he thought about Kyuhyun or other did something sweet? Why was his heart reacting like that? He couldn't feel anything for Kyuhyun anymore, he was sure he erased Kyuhyun from his heart.

                                   

"Sungmin, when will you realize it?" - Zhoumi asked.

"Realize what?" - Sungmin asked back confused.

"That he's still in your heart" - Zhoumi said.

"He's not, he means nothing to me" - Sungmin protested - "And I asked you to not talk about him in my house."

"Sungmin, why don't you learn from the past?" - Zhoumi ignored Sungmin's protests, he had to get some sense in him - "Kyuhyun had learned from his own and your mistakes, why don't you do the same?"

"My mistakes? What exactly was my mistake?" - Sungmin asked furiously - "Loving him? Being such an idiot and giving him my heart?"

"Loving someone is never a mistake, even if you end up hurting. That just means you have to learn something, that whether you, him or both of you still weren't ready for love" - Zhoumi said calmly - "Just ask yourself - were you really ready to love him, to trust him enough to let him see that side of you that you didn't let anyone else to see?"

Sungmin was silent, he didn't want to admit it but Zhoumi was right - it wasn't just Kyuhyun's fault that things ended like that between them, Sungmin knew that maybe he should have been more honest with Kyuhyun and not just in his positive feelings, like care and love he felt for other, but also in his negative feelings - all hurt that was in his heart, all tears he always hid from everyone, maybe he should have let Kyuhyun see that side of him. Yes he did tell him about his parents, but it was just a small part of what actually was going on in Sungmin. But his past experience had showed him that there was no point in showing someone what he really felt, that others will just hate him for being so weak, so he always thought that he has to be strong no matter what.

"Sungmin, you both got hurt because none of you were ready to completely trust to each other. But now fate had given you both second chance and you both can learn from each other’s mistakes. Now you should understand how Kyuhyun felt because you’re in his position now, although I'm sure you both will completely understand each other only if you will talk, if you will let each other see what is deep inside of your hearts. I believe that there's reason why you hide your feelings, and there also had to be reason why Kyuhyun pushed everyone away" - Zhoumi said hoping that Sungmin will listen to his words, that they will make him realize something - "Don't waste your second chance, 'cause third one might not be given."

Sungmin still was completely silent, he realized that all that Zhoumi said was true, there really was reason why he always pretended to be happy, but he never told it to anyone. And there probably also was reason for Kyuhyun to be like he used to be. But still he couldn't bring himself to be strong enough and put aside all pain to let Kyuhyun enter his life again.

"I'll leave now. It will be better if you'll think about it alone" - Zhoumi said.

Sungmin just nodded and accompanied him out.

"Thank you" - Sungmin mumbled.

Zhoumi smiled and gave him fast hug - "Don't hurt yourself fighting against your heart - even if you'll win it won't make you happier."

Zhoumi gave one last smile to Sungmin and left.

                                   

Sungmin sighed and went back to living room. He picked up bunny and letter and went to his bedroom. For a moment he just stared at the letter closely holding bunny, this time he was afraid to open it - he was afraid how he'll react to what Kyuhyun wrote.

"You'll be here for me if I'll need support, right?" - Sungmin asked to bunny. He sighed of course plushie couldn't answer him, but he still held it close and finally opened the letter.

 

 


	19. 3rd Letter

_Sungmin sighed and went back to living room. He picked up bunny, letter and went to his bedroom. For a moment he just stared at the letter closely holding bunny, this time he was afraid to open it - he was afraid how he'll react to what Kyuhyun wrote._

_"You'll be here for me if I'll need support, right?" - Sungmin asked to bunny. He sighed of course plushie couldn't answer him, but he still held it close and finally opened the letter._

 

 

 

 

 

This time after reading Kyuhyun's letter Sungmin found himself both - laughing and crying. He knew why he was laughing – Kyuhyun was just too cute. But he couldn't tell why he was crying – because of painful memories? Because past he had tried so hard to forget was coming back? Because Kyuhyun really hurt him? Or because he was happy – happy that he had meant something to Kyuhyun, happy that Kyuhyun was so honest and cute in his letters?

He really didn't know which one was the real reason, maybe all of them together, but what he knew was that he couldn't hold back his tears, he could only lay down on his bed crying and hugging bunny. Sungmin looked at cute bunnies in letter and he had to smile through his tears.

"Pabo, you’d be the girly bunny" – Sungmin said silently - "Just look at your letters – all pink and cute."

 

Sungmin remembered how when Kyuhyun had agreed to try to get to know him, although Kyuhyun still was sharp to him, Sungmin had feeling that he actually can succeed, that just a little  bit and Kyuhyun will stop resisting him. But then Yesung died, and Kyuhyun had started to distance himself from Sungmin again, but choosing crueler tactic than before - he did everything to hurt Sungmin, but at the same time kept give Sungmin hopes that he has at least some kind of sympathies for him. And that's when it really was too much for Sungmin - he didn't have strength to fight anymore and he gave up - leaving Kyuhyun despite the fact that by doing that he gave himself more pain than all Kyuhyun's harsh words together. 

That day he had felt like making biggest mistake in his life - his heart screamed to stay, that if he will stay just a little bit Kyuhyun's heart will be his. But Sungmin ignored his heart, he forcefully locked it determined to forget Kyuhyun - like it all would have been just an awful nightmare.

And now Kyuhyun with his letter made Sungmin realize that he was right, that just a little bit and he would have succeeded. He couldn't help, but regret - regret that he left. Even though Kyuhyun claimed that in the end it was good thing and he became better man, which Sungmin couldn't deny was true, he still regretted that he didn't stay just a little longer, 'cause then maybe they could have been together, Kyuhyun would have accepted him and they would be couple like Sungmin dreamt, but would they have been happy? But most importantly was it possible for them to be happy in future? Was there really chance for them to be like those bunnies – happy together?

 

Sungmin kept sobbing silently his thoughts wandering back and forth, he thought about all scenarios what could have been, what would have happened if he or Kyuhyun or both would have done something differently.

But in the end he had to face reality - reality in which his mind told him to forget about Kyuhyun's existence, to not feel anything, but from other side his heart told to trust Kyuhyun, to give them both second chance.

And he didn't know to which one listen, which was the right decision, should he take a risk and accept Kyuhyun or should he listen to his mind and just ignore Kyuhyun so that he wouldn't get hurt.

With both those sides still fighting inside him Sungmin slowly drifted off to sleep, hoping that morning will come with solution…

 

 

Next day when Sungmin arrived to his work he immediately headed to Kyuhyun's work place, he had made decision so he had to talk with other.

The moment he saw Kyuhyun he had to stop for a moment, he felt just like the first time he saw Kyuhyun - he couldn't drag away his eyes. Since Kyuhyun had started to work there, Sungmin always avoided him and didn't pay much attention to other's appearance, but now he finally took a moment to observe him. And Sungmin had to admit that Kyuhyun had changed - in front of him now was a man, it wasn't that cute teenager Sungmin remembered, although he still looked incredibly cute in Sungmin's eyes.

"Bunny Kyu" - Sungmin mumbled silently and smiled.

But then he remembered why he wanted to talk to Kyuhyun, he sighed – was it really right decision? Sungmin sighed again and approached Kyuhyun.

 

"Kyuhyun we need to talk" - Sungmin said standing next to Kyuhyun’s work table.

"Good morning to you too, Minnie" - Kyuhyun said looking up and smiling.

Sungmin just mumbled silent _good morning_ trying to ignore how cute Kyuhyun looked when he was smiling like that and looking up at Sungmin.

"I want you to stop, to just leave me alone" - Sungmin said and smile from Kyuhyun's face immediately disappeared. 

At that moment Kyuhyun was happy that he had that conversation with Zhoumi and Henry because at least now he had a backup plan, he knew what to do.

"You want me to leave you?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"Yes, I want to live peacefully again... without you" - Sungmin's face didn't show any emotions although inside there was storm of emotions – big part of him still was against his decision.

"But if I don't want to? What if I want to stay and fight for your heart?" - Kyuhyun asked, he was expecting this conversation and was prepared for it, but still he couldn’t deny that he felt hurt.

"Even if I beg you?" - Sungmin asked looking Kyuhyun in the eyes before he pleadingly said - "Please stop hurting me Kyuhyun, just leave me alone."

"Is that what you really want?" - Kyuhyun asked again and he couldn’t help but remember their last conversation 5 years ago, it was surreal how similar was those two conversations, he just hoped that inside Sungmin felt just like he then.

"Yes" - Sungmin said, but Kyuhyun though he heard a hint a hesitation there and that assured him that yes, Sungmin was just like he used to be.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone" - Kyuhyun said.

"You will?" - Sungmin asked surprised.

"Yes, just one last thing - have a date with me" - Kyuhyun's words surprised Sungmin even more.

"A date?" - Sungmin asked.

"Yes, one last date and if after that you'll still want me to leave you, then I will" - Kyuhyun promised.

"You really will? You won't send me anything, won't try to talk with me, meet me?" - Sungmin asked.

"Yes, I won't do anything you don't want me to do. Just have one date with me and who knows maybe you'll change your mind" - Kyuhyun said smiling a bit.

 

Sungmin was silent for a moment. One date? Should he agree? He was afraid that he'll get weak in front of Kyuhyun, that his mask will fall, that he won't be able to resist Kyuhyun, but he also knew that he won't be able to resist if Kyuhyun will keep courting him. He had to endure just one date and he'll be safe... his heart will be safe. 

"Okay, one date and after that you will stop disturbing me" - Sungmin said, he still didn't know if he'll be strong enough, but he had to risk.

"So is this saturday okay with you" - Kyuhyun asked now smiling brightly, he was afraid that Sungmin would refuse and then he had no other backup plan.

"Yes, just send me when and where to meet you" - Sungmin said and was about to leave.

"Don't worry I'll pick you up, but you have to be ready early 'cause we will have to drive quite long way" - Kyuhyun said.

"Wait? You already planned it?" - Sungmin asked surprised.

"Well not all, but I know where we'll be going" - Kyuhyun said smiling.

"Where?" - Sungmin asked curious.

"That will be a surprise" - Kyuhyun said and Sungmin didn't protest, he just turned around and left.

 

Kyuhyun sighed looking at Sungmin’s back, he knew how risky it was, that he has just one date to get Sungmin's heart and if he'll fail, he'll lose Sungmin forever. But he was determined to not let that happen, he had to give his everything in that date, to show Sungmin how sincere he was in his feelings. 

He also knew that he can get hurt, that Sungmin can shatter his heart in pieces, but he was ready to take that risk.

 

 


	20. A Date (Part 1)

It was Saturday’s morning. Sungmin was awake and waiting for Kyuhyun. He couldn't help but feel excited - he finally had a date with Kyuhyun, something he used to want so much. Sungmin had to remind himself that their date is just to make Kyuhyun give up, that he's not supposed to have fun - he must stay as cold as he's been and he can't show any emotions.

Sungmin looked in the mirror and pouted - he had changed about five outfits and still wasn't sure if he looked good enough. Kyuhyun had told him to dress in comfortable and simple clothes and Sungmin still had no clue where they were going.

 

Suddenly there was doorbell and Sungmin almost jumped from surprise, he checked himself in mirror one last time, took deep breath to calm his racing heart and went to open door. But the moment he opened door his heart started to beat incredibly fast again - Kyuhyun was standing there with a bucket of flowers looking fabulous - he wore simple t-shirt and tight black pants, his hair was taken back in small ponytail and big smile plastered on his face. He moved closer and Sungmin thought that his heart will stop.

"You look awesome Minnie. Those are for you" - Kyuhyun said smiling and gave Sungmin bucket he was holding, the moment they hands accidentally brushed Sungmin felt electricity going through his body.

"T..thanks, I... I will put them in w..water" - Sungmin stuttered and cursed himself that he couldn't even speak normally, way to not show emotions.

While putting flowers in vase Sungmin took a moment to collect himself - he took deep breath and again reminded himself that this date is just to make Kyuhyun back off.

 

They were driving in complete silence, Kyuhyun was focusing on the road while Sungmin suddenly was really interested in his fingers. After about 30 minutes they stopped and Sungmin was surprised to see that they were at airport.

"What are we doing here?" - Sungmin asked suspiciously - "Don't say we're flying somewhere?"

"If we would drive there it would take too long" - Kyuhyun said - "Come on, we don't have much time."

Sungmin sighed, he had promised to have a date with Kyuhyun so he had no choice but to follow.

 

Plane was already in the air, but Sungmin still didn't know where they were flying - Kyuhyun didn't let him see tickets and covered his ears when there was announcement in plane. Sungmin nervously looked out of the window, he didn't like to not know where he was heading.

"Don't worry I'm not kidnapping you, although I thought about that" - Kyuhyun said smiling.

"Yeah, and what would you have done after kidnapping me?" - Sungmin asked raising eyebrow.

"I would take you to a small lonely island from where we couldn't get away and live happily ever after" - Kyuhyun said dramatically.

"And from what would we survive there" - Sungmin asked nearly holding back his laughter.

"Why would we need food if we would have each other" - Kyuhyun said seriously, but at the end of the sentence burst out laughing.

"I bet it was Henry's idea, it’s too cheesy to be something you would come up with" - Sungmin said also laughing a bit, but when Kyuhyun turned to look at him he immediately became serious.

"You're right, but I liked the living happily ever after part" - Kyuhyun said.

Sungmin didn't answer anything, he just turned back to window. Kyuhyun sighed and kept looking at Sungmin, he was slightly worried that Sungmin won't be happy about place they were going to.

 

When plane landed, Sungmin kept looking around - place looked familiar, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Just when they stepped out of the airport and started to look for taxi, realization hit him - it was his old hometown, town he thought he will never again see.

"Why did you take me here?" - Sungmin asked silently, but Kyuhyun heard him.

"I wanted to show you that we can have happy moments here" - Kyuhyun said - "I know I will never be able to erase all bad and painful memories you have here, but I want to at least try to make new happy ones, even if just for this day."

For a moment Sungmin hesitated, but then sighed and just followed Kyuhyun again.

           

While they were driving Sungmin looked around - everything was so familiar, so close to him, and it was weird, but nice to be back in his hometown after 5 years.

He had thought he will never return there, like he thought he will never again see Kyuhyun, but now he was there and with Kyuhyun.

It was nostalgic to see all places he used to see every day, all places that used to be part of his daily life... But Sungmin snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed where they were heading.

He looked questioningly at Kyuhyun as if asking if Kyuhyun really planned to take him there.

Kyuhyun smiled and said - "You always wanted to come here with me, sorry that it took me five years to make your wish come true. But here we are, first stop of our date - amusement park."

Sungmin tried hard to stay emotionless, to not show how excited he actually was, but he couldn't hide small smile that crept on his lips.

           

At first they just awkwardly walked, they both realized that they're not like normal couples on date, or even friends that wanted to have some fun together. They were completely silent and just kept going without clear destination, when suddenly Kyuhyun stopped. Sungmin looked back at him questioningly.

"Can we at least try to enjoy this? Can you just for a couple of hours pretend that you don't hate me?" - Kyuhyun asked and offered his hand to Sungmin.

Sungmin looked surprised at Kyuhyun - "I don't hate you" - he mumbled and after short moment of hesitation put his hand in Kyuhyun's.

Kyuhyun smiled at both 'cause Sungmin accepted his hand and that he had said that he didn't hate Kyuhyun.

 

Atmosphere between them still was a little awkward, but soon they found themselves really enjoying their time in amusement park. They took different kind of rides, played games, ate bunch of sweets and Sungmin even found himself almost dying from laughter in mirror room when Kyuhyun started to make funny faces.

They even took fear track and laughed at all the monsters and decorations that were supposed to scare people and at others that screamed in fear there, none of them was scaredy-cat so it was one of funniest attractions to them.

When they came out of it, Sungmin suddenly jumped back and squeaked 'cause of bird that unexpectedly almost flew in his face. Seeing that, Kyuhyun burst out in laughter.

Sungmin looked at him madly.

"I'm sorry, but it's just too hilarious. Not even one monster in there could make you flinch, but here you are all scared of pigeon" - Kyuhyun said still laughing.

"I wasn't scared" - Sungmin protested pouting - "It just.. surprised me."

"If you say so" - Kyuhyun said nearly managing to not laugh again.

"It's true" - Sungmin mumbled.

 

They kept enjoying time in park and had so much fun that Sungmin completely forgot about his dilemma- he forgot that Kyuhyun hurt him, that he wanted Kyuhyun out of his life and that he wasn’t supposed to have fun in their date…

It was already afternoon when Kyuhyun said that they need to go to their next stop.

"Thank you" - Sungmin said when they were in the car.

"For what?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"For taking me to amusement park, I never had chance to go there, so thank you" - Sungmin said.

"Not even once?" - Kyuhyun asked surprised.

"No, there was no one to take me when I was little, and later I just didn't feel like going alone" - Sungmin explained.

"So that's why you always wanted to go there" - Kyuhyun said more to himself than Sungmin.    

 

Sungmin didn’t say anything to that he just kept looking out of the window. He tried to guess where they were heading, although he hadn't been there for so long he still knew town like his own pocket. He had a lot of places in his mind where they could go next, but the one they stopped at didn't even cross his mind.

"You took me to school at our date?" - Sungmin asked not believing it - "Wow, you really know how to be romantic."

"This is where we met and there's even some not so bad memories" - Kyuhyun said smiling - "Come here, you're probably hungry."

"And where will we get food? At schools cafe?" - Sungmin asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Don't worry I've thought about it" - Kyuhyun said.

They kept going, but instead of entering school they went to garden. They approached tree where Sungmin had found Kyuhyun crying and Sungmin noticed that there was neatly set table for two with candles and food already waiting for them.

Sungmin stopped shocked, he looked at Kyuhyun and other smiled at him sweetly.

"How did you..." - Sungmin asked.

"I had quite good relationship with director, so he agreed to help me out a bit" - Kyuhyun explained and they sat at the table.

 

They ate in silence but Sungmin could feel Kyuhyun's eyes on him all the time.

"Why are you looking at me?" - Sungmin asked when he couldn't take it anymore, Kyuhyun was making him nervous.

"You've changed… your face looks… older" - Kyuhyun said.

"Wow thanks, you take me to school on our date and then call me old, way to be romantic" - Sungmin pouted.

Kyuhyun just laughed - "I didn't meant that you look old, I just wanted to say that you look more mature... like an adult."

"Maybe ‘cause I am" – Sungmin said - "And well you’ve changed a lot too, and not just your appearance."

For a moment Kyuhyun just silently looked at Sungmin, he didn’t want to say anything that would ruin their date, he knew that there were a lot of things they should talk out, but in their date he wanted to have fun not talk about things that could hurt Sungmin.

Sungmin again felt Kyuhyun’s eyes on him and looked up to face him. For a while they just looked at each other, there was so much things he wanted to tell Kyuhyun, but he just felt that he’s not ready, he still couldn’t be completely honest with Kyuhyun.

 

"You look tired. Haven't you got enough sleep lately?" - Kyuhyun asked worriedly breaking silence.

"Yes, 'cause someone decided to mess up my life...." - Sungmin said looking at Kyuhyun and emphasizing 'someone'.

"So you can't sleep 'cause you're thinking of me!?" - Kyuhyun smirked.

"That's... that's not what I meant" - Sungmin protested slightly blushing.

"Are you sure?" - Kyuhyun asked teasingly.

"Oh, shut up" - Sungmin said and stuck piece of meat in Kyuhyun's mouth so he couldn't talk anymore.

Kyuhyun eat it with a contented smile on his face.

"You know if you wanted to feed me, you could have just said so" - Kyuhyun smirked while Sungmin looked at him madly.

"I liked you better when you were all cute and shy in front of me" - Sungmin said.

"I've never been shy" - Kyuhyun protested.

"Oh yeah, and how about the time you blushed when I called you handsome and the time I kissed your cheek you even dropped chocolate, and when after walk we kiss..."

"Okay, okay I got it" - Kyuhyun interrupted blushing.

"And now you're blushing again" - Sungmin said smirking.

"Oh shut up and have some cheese cake" - Kyuhyun said taking of cover of one plate and revealing cheese cake just how Sungmin liked it with fresh strawberries on top.                       

The moment Sungmin saw it there was sparkles in his eyes, Kyuhyun smiled seeing it.

"You still have the same expression seeing it" - Kyuhyun stated.

"Why do you even remember what kind of expressions I had? And what I like?" - Sungmin asked.

"Even if I was ignorant jerk it was hard to not notice it" - Kyuhyun smiled.

Sungmin didn't answer anything, they both got piece of cake and started to eat it, although Kyuhyun was again more observing Sungmin than eating.

           

When they both had finished with eating they took a little walk around school. And Sungmin realized that going there wasn't even such a bad idea in the end - it was somehow nice to remember old times.

He smiled going past places where they had happened their special moments - like hall in which he gave Kyuhyun rose and chocolate, classroom where he told Kyuhyun about his parents... he had wanted to forget all those things, but now when he was there seeing places he had decided to erase from his memory, he actually felt good. It wasn't that all memories were bad, courting Kyuhyun had actually been quite fun, mainly 'cause of Kyuhyun's reactions, they had just came out of school and Sungmin looked at place where he gave Kyuhyun bunny. He laughed remembering how shocked Kyuhyun was.

"What's so funny?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"Your face" - Sungmin said, and realized that what he just said could be taken as insult and judging from Kyuhyun's look it's exactly how he did understand it, seeing that made Sungmin laugh even more.

"Gee thanks, I know I'm not the handsomest man in the world, but I was quite confident that I don't look that bad" - Kyuhyun said smiling despite fact that he felt insulted, he was happy to see that Sungmin had completely forgot about acting all cold and was clearly enjoying their time together.

"Sorry, that wasn't what I meant" - Sungmin said, when he managed to stop laughing.

"I hope so" - Kyuhyun said.

For a moment there was silence again - they both looked at each other trying to figure out what other felt and thought at the moment.

           

Kyuhyun was sure that Sungmin enjoyed their day together, but he had no clue if that was enough to earn Sungmin's trust, he was afraid that the moment they'll return to Seoul Sungmin will be back to being all cold to him.

Sungmin couldn't deny that their date was really enjoyable and fun, he had completely lost himself in it. Spending day with Kyuhyun had opened something in him, he felt all warm inside and although he knew why he felt like that he refused to admit it loudly.

           

"I guess it's about the time to go back" - Sungmin said.

"Yeah, but can you come with me to one more place before that?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"Where?"

"To my old apartment, I want to take something from there. Will you come with me?" - Kyuhyun asked afraid that Sungmin will refuse. He knew that his apartment was place where he hurt Sungmin the most.

"O..okay" - Sungmin said hesitantly, he wasn't sure he wanted to return there, but decided that maybe it won’t be that bad, maybe just like with school he will feel more happy than sad to be back there.

 

 


	21. A Date (Part 2)

Sungmin was standing on the threshold of apartment in which he had moved in with a hope to get Kyuhyun's heart, but left it with his own heart broken in pieces. He hesitantly stepped in. It looked exactly the same just now there were a bunch of boxes.

"What I need is in my room, you can wait here if you want" - Kyuhyun said and Sungmin nodded.

When Kyuhyun left, Sungmin slowly walked around, he looked in one of boxes and found there photo albums. Sungmin picked up one and started to look through it.        

After a couple of minutes he heard Kyuhyun approaching him and saw that he was holding another album, he assumed that it was what Kyuhyun wanted to take.

He looked back at album and there was something bugging him, after small moment of hesitation he decided to ask - "Why don't you have pictures with someone else except Yesung hyung and Ryeowook?" 

Hearing Sungmin's question Kyuhyun smiled sadly.

"Because they were only ones I had - I don't meet mother often and although our relationship isn't bad I can't call it good either, so Ryeowook was my only family. And Yesung hyung was the only one who could endure my sharp tongue, my only friend" - Kyuhyun said.

"Sorry that I asked, I didn't want to remind you those things" - Sungmin apologized.

"It's okay, not like I can forget them even without talking about them... I still miss them" - Kyuhyun said sadly - "So when I still lived here I often went to their graves and just talked with them, it actually helped."

"I haven't been there so long, last time was the day I left" - Sungmin said.

"You went to graveyard then?" - Kyuhyun asked surprised.

"Yes, I went to say goodbye and to apologize to Yesung hyung... to them both" - Sungmin put down album and sighed sadly.

"Apologize? For what?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"I promised hyung to take care of you, so I had to apologize for breaking my promise and leaving you alone" - Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun and saw that his face got sadder.

"It wasn't your fault that you left, if only I would have treated you better..."

"Please don't" - Sungmin interrupted Kyuhyun - "It's already enough memories for one day."

Kyuhyun just sighed and didn’t say anything. For a moment there was awkward silence between them.

 

"Why did you need that album?" – Sungmin asked to interrupt silence.

"I want to finish it" – Kyuhyun said and Sungmin looked at him confused - "Ryeowook really liked to take pictures, and this album is where he put his and Yesung hyungs pictures and there’s also their comments about them – looking through this album is almost like reading story about them. When Ryeowook died, Yesung hyung continued it and before his death he asked me to finish it, but at first I just wasn’t capable of doing that and then I forgot about it."

"Wow, that’s awesome. Can I look at it?" – Sungmin asked.

"Of course" – Kyuhyun said.

They both sat on the couch and slowly went through album – although YeWook time together on earth wasn’t long, they had a lot of happy moments and they made sad, but beautiful love story. Last picture was picture of Yesung, Kyuhyun and Sungmin, that was taken not long before Yesung’s death when they had picnic in park. The comment said:  _"I know there’s not much left till I hopefully will meet my Wookie and will be happy again. And I wish that those precious people next to me will also be happy and will be able to make their own unique love story with happy ending."_

 

For a moment they both just looked sadly at the last comment.

"Minnie, do you think we can make that wish come true? Is it possible for us to have happy ending?" – Kyuhyun asked.

"I don’t know" – Sungmin said still looking at the picture.

Kyuhyun sighed and looked around room, his eyes stopped next to window and after small hesitation he said - "I wasn't planning to do that now, but somehow it seem like a right moment and place now."

Kyuhyun window and took of cover from what Sungmin thought was some furniture, but it appeared to be piano.

Sungmin looked surprised at Kyuhyun.

"Those were Ryeowook's, he really liked music" - Kyuhyun said - "And I want to play you something, I planned to do that later when we would have sorted our relationship, but now I just feel like doing it now."

"Because it looks that this might be my only chance" - Kyuhyun added silently, and although Sungmin heard that, he decided to ignore it.

 

"You told you can't play piano" - Sungmin said, remembering first time Kyuhyun was in his old apartment.

"I couldn't, but I learned" - Kyuhyun said.

"You said it's too hard" - Sungmin said again.

"Yes, but I had reason to learn to play" - Kyuhyun explained - "When you left I realized that there’s so much things I regret and so much to say you, but I couldn’t, so I somehow ended up writing a song."

Sungmin sat on a bench next to piano, he didn't know what to expect, but was curious to hear what Kyuhyun had wrote.

_(AN: Link to song that Kyuhyun played for Min_ _[here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM5tM69aUoU) _ _wish I could hear him actually sing it)_

Kyuhyun started to play, it was slow and soft melody with a hint of sadness. After short intro he started to sing.

 

                                                _Always just getting mad at you. That was me._

_I haven’t done anything to you. I’m sorry._

_Never listening to what you had to say._

_And always just making you cry everyday. That was me._

 

As Kyuhyun started to sing, Sungmin's eyes widened in shock, but not only because of how good he played and how smooth sounded his voice, but because he realized that Kyuhyun was apologizing to him through the song.

And the lyrics made all memories come like a wave back to him - everything that happened in the same room they were now, every word, every action was right in front of his eyes.

 

                                                _I’m sorry that you met a person like me._

_Not receiving love and only leaving behind hurt._

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

_I know that I cannot live without you. Finally now._               

                         

Sungmin's eyes got teary, from all the memories.

It was truth all he got from Kyuhyun was hurt full words and action, but he still didn't regret ever meeting Kyuhyun. Although he ended up with broken heart, he was happy that he met Kyuhyun that he experienced beautiful feeling of love, although of course he would have wished to not only give all his love to Kyuhyun, but also receive back at least a little...

 

                                                _Scolding’s to not skip a meal. I cannot hear those anymore._

_Your letter and picture is still inside my drawer._

_Although it means nothing anymore._

_Although you’re not next to me anymore._

_But I cannot forget you._

 

Sungmin remembered how he forced Kyuhyun to eat after Yesung's death - often it ended with food all over the place and even some bruises for both of them...

When Sungmin left he was really worried that other will starve himself that something bad will happen to Kyuhyun...

Kyuhyun had hurt him badly with his words, but Sungmin still cared about him, he wanted Kyuhyun to be healthy and happy, that's why he left note, hoping that Kyuhyun will listen, that he will manage to get a hold of himself and will continue with his life.

 

                                                _But I suppose you are holding another person and loving them._

_What can I do. What can I do._

_I know that I cannot live without you. Finally now._

_I suppose you have erased me now._

_I suppose you are happy loving another person now._

_What can I do. What can I do._

_I know that I cannot live without you. Finally now._

 

Sungmin really had tried to get Kyuhyun out of his heart, to start new relationship, but all his attempts failed. He found it funny, but even when he tried just to kiss someone else, he felt like a cheater, like he would betray Kyuhyun.

He really wanted to be happy, to find new love, but he couldn't - Kyuhyun was too deeply in his heart. So he could just pretend to be happy, to put a smile on his face and pretend that everything is okay, that he's not hurt, like he had done so many times... He even persuaded himself that he doesn’t love Kyuhyun anymore, that he had erased other from his life.

But hearing Kyuhyun sing he couldn't pretend anymore, Sungmin realized he's crying, and this time he knew why - hearing Kyuhyun sing for him now, made him finally completely admit it that he hadn't stopped loving him even for a second, all this time his heart had belonged to Kyuhyun…

 

  

When song ended Kyuhyun kneeled down beside Sungmin.

"Minnie I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I hurt you" - Kyuhyun said - "That day before you left, I didn't mean anything I said - I didn't want you to leave, I really needed you, but I was too stupid to admit it, please forgive me Minnie."

Sungmin saw that Kyuhyun was sincere, but he couldn't answer he just sat there sobbing, there was too much emotions in him right now - he felt sad and hurt to remember what happened, but at the same time he also felt happy, that Kyuhyun had wanted him to stay, that he didn't mean all he said that day.

 

"There is another thing I wanted to say, but when I realized it you were already gone" - Kyuhyun said cupping Sungmin's face and brushing away his tears - "You succeeded Minnie, you won my heart, and you made me fall in love with you."

Kyuhyun leaned in and kissed Sungmin - Sungmin's lips were as soft as he remembered, but instead of sweetness he used to feel now he felt just salt. Sungmin couldn't stop himself from responding to kiss, without himself realizing it he had longed for it so long, he had missed to feel Kyuhyun. Plus that was first time Kyuhyun initiated their kiss in the past it always was Sungmin. They kept kiss slow and gentle - lips carefully brushing against each other’s, feeling every millimeter of skin both had missed so much. All they both needed was to just feel each other, to feel closeness they couldn't feel for so long.

 

When they finally separated Kyuhyun again brushed away tears that had started to fall from Sungmin's eyes.

"I love you, Minnie. Can you forgive me? Can you give me a second chance?" - Kyuhyun asked and he hopped that Sungmin will, 'cause he had answered to his kiss he didn't push him away, and that must mean that Sungmin still had feelings for him.

"I love you too Kyu and I forgave you long ago" - Sungmin sobbed and Kyuhyun had to smile hearing it, but next thing he heard made his smile drop and heart clench.

"But I... I can't... I can't be with you... "- Sungmin said and stood up shattering all Kyuhyun's hopes in pieces - "I'm sorry, I'm just not ready..."

And before Kyuhyun could object, Sungmin left the room, leaving Kyuhyun still on his knees and now also with tears rolling down his face.

 

           

Sungmin slowly walked away. With every step he injured his already bleeding heart more and more... This time leaving was much harder, 'cause now he knew that Kyuhyun loved him too... He stopped and looked back, he saw Kyuhyun's silhouette through the window, and he could tell that other was crying - that brought even more tears in his own eyes... Maybe he should go back to Kyuhyun? Go back, throw himself in Kyuhyun's arms and never let go?

 

Kyuhyun still sat just like Sungmin left him - on his knees crying his heart out. With every intake of breath his heart clenched painfully… This time Sungmin's leave hurt even more, 'cause now they both knew they loved each other... He took a look out of window and saw Sungmin's leaving back... Maybe he should run after Sungmin? Run after Sungmin, hold him tightly and not let him go even if he begs for it?           

 

 


	22. Cupids In Action

Sungmin spent all night crying and rereading Kyuhyun's letters again and again. They had returned in Seoul separately, and to be honest Sungmin wasn't even sure if Kyuhyun had returned yet. He really wanted to be with Kyuhyun, but he was afraid that things will end badly between them again, that’s why he had left Kyuhyun. He had realized that their separation years ago and pain wasn't just Kyuhyun's fault… and now Kyuhyun had changed, but Sungmin hadn't...

When he heard Kyuhyun singing to him and saying those three words, he couldn't deny that he still loves Kyuhyun too, but that didn't change the fact that he wasn't ready to be honest, ready to be completely honest and share not just his happiness, but also sadness with Kyuhyun... he needed more time... All those years that they were separate Kyuhyun had learned from his mistakes and became man that was ready to open his heart and love, but Sungmin all this time had spent in denial, lying to everyone around him and even himself... just recently he had realized that in past not just Kyuhyun's attitude and harsh words was obstacle to their relationship, but also Sungmin himself... so now he needed time to fix himself, although he wasn't even sure he can do that...

           

Sungmin hadn't slept all night, but still he made himself as presentable as possible and went to work.

He took a deep breath and stepped out of the elevator. He on purpose went past Kyuhyun's workplace expecting to find Kyuhyun there, but it was empty. Maybe he had decided to take free day before face Sungmin again?

           

"Hey Sungmin, wait" - he heard Zhoumi calling him.

"What is it?" - He asked turning to face Zhoumi.

"I have something for you" - Zhoumi said and gave him a letter, Sungmin looked at it confused.

"This morning Kyuhyun came to me" - Zhoumi started - "He gave me his resignation and asked to give you that."

"What?" - Sungmin asked shocked.

"He said that he's leaving country" - Zhoumi said and sighed.

"What? Why?" - Sungmin asked again.

"Wasn't that what you wanted?" - Zhoumi asked - "You wanted him to leave you, didn't you."

"I didn't want him to completely leave, I just... I just needed some time and... space to get a hold of myself, to fix myself..." - Sungmin said silently - "I didn't want him to completely leave."

"Aren't you selfish? You want him to stay physically close to you, but emotionally far away. You from all the people should know the best how much that hurts. You should know how much Kyuhyun would suffer and yet you expect that from him" - Sungmin lowered his head - Zhoumi was right. He asked from Kyuhyun something he himself wasn't able to endure, just 'cause he wasn't able to step over his fear that he won't be able to be as honest with Kyuhyun as he deserved.

           

"And Sungmin, how do you plan to learn to be honest in your feelings by yourself? I think it's something that requires at least two people" - Zhoumi said and Sungmin didn't have what to say to that... Zhoumi was right again - how can he learn to be honest in his feelings by himself? He needed someone to help him, and not just anyone... he needed Kyuhyun.

"You know maybe you still have a chance to catch him. His plane is at two o’clock" - Zhoumi said and then left Sungmin alone.

           

Sungmin looked at the clock it was without twenty minutes two, till airport was half an hour drive... he remembered about the letter in his hands, with trembling hands he opened it and started to read:

   

_To Sungmin_

_This is probably last letter you'll ever receive from me._

_I promised I'll leave you alone after our date, and I'm_ _keeping my promise. I won't be on your way anymore so that you can be happy._

_I really love you Sungmin, and it's hard to leave you, but if you don't want me that's the only thing I can do. I wish things would have ended differently between us, but there's nothing I can do anymore._

_I guess this time it's really goodbye…_

_Kyuhyun._

 

 

Kyuhyun was about to go to gates of his plane, when he heard announcement that his plane is delayed.

"Nice one more hour to sit here" - He sighed and started to go back to place he was sitting before..... But suddenly someone bumped in him from behind almost knocking him down, he didn't fall just 'cause that person was tightly holding him around his waist.

Before Kyuhyun could get out of shock, he heard muffled voice behind him - "Don't leave... please don't leave."

"Sungmin?" - Kyuhyun asked shocked.

"That time you didn't say what you actually wanted and we both got hurt, I don't want to make the same mistake you did" - Sungmin said now clearer 'cause his face wasn't pressed against Kyuhyun's back anymore - "So don't leave, 'cause I don't want you to leave.... I really need you... I love you."

Kyuhyun couldn't believe it really was happening, last thing he had expected was that Sungmin will run after him.

"But yesterday you..."

"Yesterday I was coward" - Sungmin interrupted - "And I still am, but I better risk and get hurt again than completely lose you again. And maybe together we can step over past, maybe you can help me to learn how to be honest in my feelings again."

"You really mean it? You won't just leave again?" - Kyuhyun asked.

"I... I can't promise anything, yet" - Sungmin said sadly - "That's why I left yesterday, I didn't felt ready to be good lover to you, someone that is sincere toward you."

 

Kyuhyun didn’t answer anything to that, for a moment they both just stood there silently.

"Can you let me go?" - Kyuhyun said.

"What? No!" - Sungmin's yelled in shock and tightened his hold around Kyuhyun.

"Please, let me go" - Kyuhyun said.

"No!" - Sungmin said stubbornly and held Kyuhyun even more tighter - "I didn't just break all traffic rules to let you fly away from me."

"I won't fly anywhere... please release me... I can't breathe" - Kyuhyun weakly said, Sungmin's tight hold was making his breathing hard.

"You promise?" - Sungmin asked still holding Kyuhyun as tight as possible.

"Yes" - Kyuhyun said.

Sungmin hesitantly detached his arms from Kyuhyun. The moment Sungmin released him Kyuhyun turned around and breathed relieved.

"I think I'll have bruises 'cause of you" - Kyuhyun said and lifted his shirt a little. He saw his skin was red from Sungmin’s tight grip.

"I'm sorry" - Sungmin said and lowered his head - "You told to let go and I thought you want to leave."

"What?" - Kyuhyun asked surprised but then started to laugh.

"It's not funny" - Sungmin pouted.

"Pabo, I asked to let me go, so that I can hug you properly" - Kyuhyun said and pulled Sungmin in a hug - "And you didn't need to break rules, my plane was delayed, but I'm really happy that you were so eager to see me, you know you could have waited a week or two till I will be back and then say me that, but thanks for saving me really sad weak."

"Wait what? You planned to return?" - Sungmin asked pulling away from Kyuhyun's hug.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"  - Kyuhyun asked.

"But Zhoumi said you resigned and he gave me your goodbye letter..."

"Wait... what letter? And I definitely didn't resign" - Kyuhyun looked confused at Sungmin and Sungmin looked as clueless. They both started to suspect that something isn't clear there.

"Okay, let's try to figure out this" - Sungmin said - "Why are we in the airport?"

"I decided to leave for a while, to think over things and then return with a new plan to make you mine. I didn't resign from work, I just took vacation and I didn't leave you any letter I thought it will be better if I'll leave you alone and let you too think over everything. But you thought I'm completely leaving and rushed her to stop me from flying away..." - Kyuhyun said.

"You didn't intend to give up on me?" - Sungmin asked surprised.

"No, although I did intend to do that if you'd reject me after our date. But when you said that you still love me, I changed my mind - there's no way I'd give up on you knowing that you love me" - Kyuhyun said smiling.

"So Zhoumi lied... and that’s why that letter was so weird..." - Sungmin mumbled.

           

They looked at each other and burst in the laughter.

"So someone decided to play cupids" - Kyuhyun laughed.

"Indeed" - Sungmin said also laughing.

"But I'm happy they did" - Kyuhyun said more seriously – "I was afraid that I won’t be able to earn your trust ever again."

"Me too" - Sungmin said - "I’m not sure I’d ever get a courage to be with you if you’d be close to me. But when Zhoumi said you resigned and gave that fake letter, I got so scared that I’ll never see you again, that suddenly all my fear and insecurities didn’t even matter."

"Together we will manage to step over all your fears… I love you Minnie" – Kyuhyun said smiling.

"And I love you Kyu" – Sungmin said also smiling, but then he suddenly smirked confusing and slightly creeping out Kyuhyun.

"You know, I always thought how it feels..." - Sungmin moved closer to Kyuhyun putting his arms around Kyuhyun's waist.

"Feels what?"  - Kyuhyun asked gulping, Sungmin look and touch made shivers run down his spine.

"How it feels in those movies where main characters make up in the airports and..." - Sungmin pulled Kyuhyun closer, there was just centimeters between their faces - "...kiss."

 

Kyuhyun hadn't even chance to say anything when he already felt Sungmin's lips on his. He put his arms around Sungmin's neck and held him tightly gladly kissing back. When Kyuhyun felt Sungmin's tongue against his lips he didn't hesitate a second to part his lips, their tongues met halfway and they started battle for dominance - Kyuhyun won and was regarded to feel sweet taste of Sungmin.

Sungmin's arms tightly squeezed already bruised skin on his sides, but that little pain he felt 'cause of that didn't matter, he had Sungmin in his arms kissing him passionately and that was all he cared about at that moment.

When Kyuhyun started to explore his mouth, Sungmin also felt one of Kyuhyun hand slip in his hair pulling at them - strong enough to make him feel it, but not to hurt. That and feel of Kyuhyun's body pressed tightly against his made Sungmin's legs turn into jelly, so he tightened his hold around Kyuhyun's waist to not fall and kissed back with all his might.

Neither of them cared that they were in the middle of airport that was full of people and they were getting a lot of looks – most of them full of disgust 'cause they both were males. What mattered for each of them was other.

           

When they separated both stood there foreheads pressed and breathing heavily, Kyuhyun's hand was still full with Sungmin's hair, and one Sungmin's hand had managed to sneak under Kyuhyun's shirt.

           

"I guess fate really wants us to be together" - Sungmin said when he regained his breath - "Not everyone gets second chances and such a helpful cupids."

"Definitely" - Kyuhyun agreed smiling - "So maybe we can stop being such idiots and finally obey it's wish."

"I'd love to" - Sungmin said smiling.

 

           

What they didn't know was that all time one of their cupids was watching them, munching muffin and grinning widely.

The moment Sungmin had bumped into Kyuhyun, he took out his phone and dialed number.

"Agent Long Legs, there's agent Puffy Cheeks" - Henry said.

"Couldn't you come up with more stupid names" - Zhoumi said laughing - "And please say you have happy news."

"First I want to know how went your part of operation _Stubborn bunnies_ "

"I will tell you that later, please say what's going on there" - Zhoumi said impatiently.

"No, tell me now" - Henry insisted.

"Henry you better talk and now" - Zhoumi said threateningly.

"No you talk and the faster you'll do that, the faster you'll know what happened here" - Henry said smiling, he enjoyed torturing his boyfriend.

"Damn you Henry" - Zhoumi cursed, he was dying to know if Sungmin and Kyuhyun had managed to make up.

"It's not smart to damn your own boyfriend, you will still need to live with me after that" - Henry laughed.

           

Zhoumi sighed. He knew there was no way to win over Henry through the phone 'cause he couldn't use his _weapons_.

"After I called you that Sungmin didn't show up in time and asked to somehow delay Kyuhyun's plane, I made fake document that supposedly urgently needed Sungmin's signature and was about to drive to him when he showed up. So I continued everything according to plan - told him that Kyuhyun is leaving forever, gave fake goodbye letter and well plus told some things to make his brain start to work. He read letter and stormed out of the office... so please say that he went to airport and that you magically managed to delay plane" - Zhoumi said fastly, to faster get to know what was going on.

           

"Indeed, both bunnies are together and right now talking about something" - Henry said and smiled looking at the couple that was hugging tightly.

"Oh God, finally" - Zhoumi sighed - "Hopefully they won't screw thing up again. That means you really managed to delay plane?"

"Yes, but in the end it wasn't even necessary, Sungmin somehow got here in time even without that" - Henry said.

"Wow, impressive. After reading letter he had maybe 15 minutes, he must have speed over a bit" - Zhoumi said chuckling - "But how did you managed to delay the plane?"

"Oh it was easy, I sneaked in the cabinet of director and can you imagine it was my used to be classmate Siwon. In high school he had a thing for me so I promised him date and he didn't even ask anything and delayed plane" - Henry explained.

"I hope you're not planning to attend that date" - Zhoumi said and Henry just from his voice could tell that other was glaring madly.

"Of course not, I didn't even give him my phone number, so soon poor guy will realize that he got tricked" - Henry laughed.

"That's good, but it's still hard to believe that he did it so easily" - Zhoumi said.

"Well I had to give him some prepayment" - Henry said - "But don't worry nothing too much - just a little kiss and some touch here and there."

"What?" - Zhoumi yelled so that Henry had to move phone from his ear to not get deaf - "Henry Lau, how could you!?"

           

Henry couldn't hold back his laugh, hearing his lover like that - "I'm sorry Mimi, it was just a joke."

"Are you sure?" - Zhoumi asked still suspicious.

"Yes, don't worry. I'd never do something like that. I love you Mimi" - Henry said to calm down his lover.

"I love you too" - Zhoumi said sighing, even the thought that someone could get too close to his lover was making his blood boil. Henry naturally was really clingy and it already was hard for Zhoumi to not lose his mind when Henry got all touchy with Kyuhyun or sometimes with Sungmin, he didn't even want to think what could happen if his clingy lover would stay alone with some unknown dude that had a crush on him.

           

"He really didn't touch you inappropriately?" - Zhoumi asked again just to make sure.

"If you consider pinching cheeks inappropriate then he did" - Henry said laughing, he knew his lover was really overprotective over him and he liked to use it time to time, 'cause that just proved how much he meant to other.

"As soon as you will get here I'll disinfect them" - Zhoumi said and Henry couldn't help but laugh even more at his lovers cuteness.

           

"I'll leave now, soon will be in office. Bunnies still attached to each other now not only hugging but also kissing, looks like things are quite heated up from here, so I guess everything will be okay between them - unless they will start to mate here, some people might not like that" - Henry informed looking at couple that now was too busy assaulting each other lips.

"God Henry, just get your here" - Zhoumi said laughing.

"So you want just my " - Henry said pouting.

"Well I have nothing against those pouty cheeks too, I still have to disinfect them" - Zhoumi said.

"See you later Mimi" - Henry said sighing and hang up.

Henry shook his head, knowing Zhoumi he really better be prepared that his cheeks will get assaulted with soap. He took one last glance at Kyuhyun and Sungmin who now were trying to regain their breath, Henry smiled seeing that he and Zhoumi wasn't trying for nothing now couple just needs to manage to talk out everything.

 

 


	23. Can We Finally Be Honest? (Part 1)

Sungmin and Kyuhyun both were in Kyuhyun's bed, they just lay down, legs tangled, hands exploring each other, lips attached in kisses full of love and longing for each other. 

Kyuhyun pulled back a little and in front of him was in his opinion most beautiful sight in the world - Sungmin lay there, his lips swollen red, cheeks pink, hair all messed up. His eyes were shining brightly and he still slightly panted from their intense kissing.

"Like what you see?" - Sungmin asked teasingly.

"You can't even imagine" - Kyuhyun said giving Sungmin a light peck.

"I still can’t believe I’m here with you" – Sungmin said - "When I left you years ago I thought that I’ll never have you in my arms again."

"Well you still don’t, I’m the one holding you at the moment" – Kyuhyun said making Sungmin pout.

 

To revenge Kyuhyun Sungmin pulled away from him and sat on the bed with his back pressed against wall and crossed arms.

"Minnie, come back" – Kyuhyun whined.

"No" – Sungmin said childishly sticking out his tongue at Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun glared at him before he also sat up, but instead of leaning against wall he sat on Sungmin – his both legs was on the either side of Sungmin and they were facing each other. Kyuhyun put his arms around Sungmin’s neck and brought their bodies closer.

Sungmin sighed and put his arms around Kyuhyun’s waist - "How do I resist you when you’re being like this?"

"You’re not supposed to resist me" – Kyuhyun smirked and kissed Sungmin. Their separation was too long and now they didn’t seem to be able to get enough of each other.

When their lips separated their eyes met and for a long time they just looked in each other’s eyes searching for answers to questions that was still unanswered.

 

"Minnie, can we finally be honest?" - Kyuhyun asked and Sungmin looked at him confused. 

"At this moment everything is perfect, but for how long? I really want our relationship to last, but how can we do that if we can't even be honest with each other?"

Sungmin looked sadly at Kyuhyun, he knew other is right they can't just pretend that past doesn't matter 'cause it was part of them, part of who they are.

"I want it too, but I'm not sure I'll be able to tell you everything" - Sungmin said sighing - "Once I tried to reveal my past to someone I really trusted, but that person just didn’t care… he preferred that I smile, even if I felt like crying… That's why I decided to never again tell anything to anyone, 'cause no one will care..."

"I care" - Kyuhyun said and made Sungmin look him in the eyes - "And I want to help you, but I can't if I don't know what happened and why you decided that pretending to be happy is a right thing to do."

"I know you do" – Sungmin sighed.

"How about I'll start first and maybe then it will be easier for you to trust me" - Kyuhyun suggested.

"You would?" - Sungmin asked.

"Of course, I already told you that I want you to know why I pushed you away" – Kyuhyun smiled and lightly pecked Sungmin’s lips.

 

When Kyuhyun started to talk, Sungmin listened carefully observing every word that left Kyuhyun’s mouth.

 

 

"Like I said it wasn't just because of Yesung hyung's and Ryeowook's death, they were just another proof to me that I can't get attached to anyone 'cause in the end it will just bring pain to me. I couldn’t accept you because I was too scared that you will also leave. That’s how it worked in my world - people made me love them, get attached to them and then they left.

First time I experienced it when I was about 10 years old - mom and dad divorced. I and Ryeowook had to choose to which one of our parents we want to stay - we chose mom. That day dad announced that he has no sons anymore, that he will completely erase us from his life. 

At first mom said that he just needs to calm down and soon everything will be okay, and we will be able to visit him. But it wasn’t... It was a couple of months later already and he still hadn't contacted us. 

 

One time we were in amusement park and we saw him, I was so happy to see him so I run to him calling _'dad'_ , but he just looked at me weirdly and then turned to mom saying _'Woman learn some manners to your kid, so he wouldn't run to strangers calling them dad'_... 

He had new family and he didn't need us anymore, it didn't affect Ryeowook so much 'cause he always had been closer to mom, but for me dad always had been number one, someone I looked up to... it’s true I did choose mom, but it was just because I knew that she needed us more, and when I did that I thought that I’ll still meet dad… but I was wrong, he didn’t want me anymore.

That was first time I got to feel how it hurts to lose someone important, someone I really love."

 

"Have you met him after that?" - Sungmin asked.

"Yes, when I studied I had part time job in cafe and time to time he went there. I easily recognized him, but he didn’t show any sign that he knew me.

One day I went to his table and said ' _Dad can we talk? Can you stop pretending that I'm nothing to you'_ and he just said that his only son is at the school, I tried again and said that I miss him and he looked at me for a while and then said _'You chose to not have me in your life, just like that other ungrateful kid, so go to your mother and brother'_

I realized that he didn’t even know that Ryeowook died. I told him that and can you imagine what he said?"

Sungmin shook his head, he saw that Kyuhyun was tearing up so he started to stroke his back to comfort him.

"He said _‘Too bad’_ … I told him that his son is dead and that was his only reaction.

For a moment I looked at him shocked and suddenly I really hated him. I asked him if that’s really all he has to say and weather he doesn’t want to at least know where Ryeowook‘s grave is. When he answered _‘Why would I? People die every day, am I supposed to visit them all?’_ I told him that I really have no father anymore and then just turned around and left.

Starting from then when he showed up there, I just treated him like a regular client."

 

"I would spit in his coffee or put there diarrhea meds" – Sungmin said madly making Kyuhyun laugh.

"You’re spending too much time with Henry"–Kyuhyun said still laughing.

"He’s my assistant, I have no choice" – Sungmin said - "But about your father, I really can’t believe he can be so heartless. How can he not care about his son’s death?"

"I don’t know…" – Kyuhyun sighed - "Maybe it’s easier for him to not care and feel anything. Sometimes I wish I could be like that, but I can’t… thinking about hyungs still hurts and I miss them every day."

 

Sungmin cupped Kyuhyun’s face and kissed him gently, when he released him, Kyuhyun smiled.

"How do you do that?" – Kyuhyun asked.

"Do what?"

"Make me feels so good – just your touch or kiss can make me forget about everything else."

"Then I’ll never stop kissing and touching you" – Sungmin said smiling.

"I like how that sounds" – Kyuhyun smirked.

"Since when are you ed?" – Sungmin asked.

"Since I started to hang out with Henry" – Kyuhyun said laughing - "His brother had a lot of _interesting_ magazines and Henry decided to share with them." Henry really had kept his promise and next time he visited brought big box full with magazines and even some dvd's, of course Zhoumi was the one who had to carry all that.

 

"I think I don’t even want to know what kind of magazines those were" – Sungmin said and Kyuhyun just laughed.

 

After that for a minute there was silence between them, Kyuhyun thought how to continue his story while Sungmin played with his hair. When Sungmin let go of them and smiled, Kyuhyun already knew why, but he still touched his hair and just like expected found there braid.

He put his arms back around Sungmin’s neck and smiled.

"You won’t unbraid it?" – Sungmin asked.

"No, I don’t mind that you do that anymore" – Kyuhyun said.

"Does it mean you also won’t mind if I do this…" – Sungmin said pinching Kyuhyun’s cheek.

And Kyuhyun just shook his head smiling. He had missed Sungmin so much that even those little things he used to find annoying made him happy.

"So I can also call you cute?" – Sungmin asked.

Kyuhyun nodded still smiling and then added - "But even if I’d say no, you’d still do all that right?"

This time it was Sungmin’s turn to smile and nod.

 

They took a moment to just lovingly look each other in the eyes, but then Kyuhyun remembered that he still didn’t finish his story.

Kyuhyun sighed and asked - "Are you ready to listen further?"

"If you’re ready to talk" – Sungmin answered and Kyuhyun smiled before continuing with his story.

 

"When I was 15 I got my first girlfriend. She was my first love, at that moment she was everything to me. I was just a naive kid that believed that he had found his princess with whom he'll spend rest of his life. That was when I still believed that I can have happiness in my life.  And there’s actually not much to tell about her, except the fact that she really hurt me.

After almost year of dating, she suddenly ended our relationship, she said she never loved or even liked me. She just wanted to use me to get some experience in relationship, before she can go for someone who is worth her. 

She was my first in everything and I begged her to stay, I put aside all my pride and on my knees and begged her to don't leave me, but she just laughed at my tears before turning around and leaving without even taking second look at me. 

I was just sixteen then, but my heart got broken already second time. I still saw her in school, and tried to talk with her, I thought that maybe I can at least have her friendship, but she made it clear that she doesn’t want anything in common with me. So my first experience in relationship ended badly, and I thought that maybe that’s how it supposed to be.

 

My mother also didn't help to get better idea about how relationships work. After divorce she had a lot of boyfriends, but no one was longer than three or four months. And every time was the same scenario - at first she was incredibly happy, smiling and laughing, but then things started to get worse, there were lot of arguments and even physical violence and in the end tears - she lay on the couch and cried for hours...

I guess that was one of the reasons why we became distant, and when I told her that I don’t want to live with her she didn’t object. We still contacted and I visited her, living separately even helped to improve our relationship, but still she never was someone to whom I’d go if I’d need support. 

 

I didn’t want other people to have so much power over me, to make me so pitiful, so I also started to distance myself from everyone - I nearly communicated with my classmates and if someone wanted to go out with me I always rejected them. Ryeowook and Yesung, kept telling me to stop being such a loner and get new friends, go on dates... but I just kept repeating that I don't need anyone.

I had them - only two people whom I trusted, trusted that they won't hurt me, that it's safe to love them, to be attached to them..."

 

Kyuhyun had to stop to collect himself. Sungmin saw that talking about Ryeowook and Yesung is especially hard for Kyuhyun, so he did only thing he could and that seemed to help – he tightly hugged Kyuhyun, although ‘cause of their position it looked more like Kyuhyun was hugging him. But when Sungmin pulled back and saw Kyuhyun smiling he knew that it still had helped.

Kyuhyun lightly pecked Sungmin before taking deep breath and continuing.

 

"They were two most important people in my life, but at first somehow they never got chance to meet. Ryeowook visited me rare, we mostly communicated using phone or internet, sometimes I visited him and mom, and when he visited me Yesung hyung was busy or out of town.

It took quite long time for them to finally meet and when that happened I saw something that really surprised me - when Yesung saw Ryeowook he was immediately mesmerized by him and Ryeowook also couldn't stop looking and smiling at Yesung. Although it took some time for them to get together I believe it was love at the first sight. For months I had tried to persuade Ryeowook to move in with me or at least closer, but he just kept saying that he doesn't want to leave mom alone. But when he and Yesung hyung got together it took just month for him to move in with Yesung and transfer to his school. 

 

Yesterday you saw album, they were incredibly happy together, they knew how to be subtle and at school no one knew they were together, but when there were no other eyes they couldn't hide their love for each other. Looking at them made me think that maybe it really is possible for two people to be happy together, that maybe not always everything has to end bad...

 

But then we got to know about hyung's illness. One day we were happily sitting and chatting and then suddenly everything changed again…

I don’t know what would have happened if Ryeowook wouldn’t have been there – surprisingly he was the strong one out of us three, he was the one that said that we have to spend time that is left enjoying life not in sorrow and self-pity.

Thanks to him I could bring myself to smile despite the fact that I knew that I will lose Yesung hyung, and I comforted myself that I will still have Ryeowook, that my brother will never leave me... but soon for the n-th time I was proven wrong...

 

Ryeowook’s death was so sudden and it completely broke Yesung hyung. When I went in that hospital room I don’t know what hurt more seeing my brother lying there lifeless or my best friend desperately holding onto him and crying… Yesung hyung was only one that I had left then, but I knew that he won't be with me for long, and when he stopped to take his treatment that time was reduced even more. That's when I decided that never again will I get attached to anyone, that I won't let anyone to hurt me like that again.

I changed schools to be closer to hyung, to spend together that little time we had left…"

 

Kyuhyun couldn’t hold back tears anymore and Sungmin hugged him tightly again, letting him cry on his shoulder. Kyuhyun felt Sungmin hand rubbing his back, and feeling Sungmin's scent and body pressed against his gave him feeling he hadn't experienced for years - feeling of being protected and loved.

 

"So that's why you were so sharp with me even from beginning" – Sungmin said when he felt that Kyuhyun had calmed down.

"Yes, you came in my life soon after I had decided to never let anyone get too close to me. So when I met you and you told me that you will win my heart I was sure that you're just wasting time. Even when I caught myself getting closer to you I told myself that it's just because I need comfort, someone to support me when I'm down, and nothing more... but when I actually gave you chance to get closer to me I realized that you’re becoming more and more important to me and that scared me.

When hyung died part of me screamed to accept you, to accept only one who’s still there for me, but I said strong ' _no'_. I didn't want to give you chance to hurt me like everyone else did... I thought that by getting you away I will make myself happier, but I was wrong... That morning when I realized that you’ve left I was so hurt and mad… I was incredibly mad at myself for not saying you what I actually felt, but making you think that I hate your presence. Nothing I said to you was truth, I was too cowardly to say my real feelings then so I hurt you.

But with every day I lived without you, I more and more realized how stupid it was to let past ruin my future. 

I found myself completely alone, I had no one to go to. I realized that in my then 18 years I didn't have a soul to trust. Then I understood what Ryeowook and Yesung had meant when they always bugged me to be nicer to classmates, spend more time outside my room, find new people and befriend them. 

But I always just said that I don't need anyone, that I have them..." - Kyuhyun's voice cracked and he couldn’t continue anymore.

 

 

"I'm sorry..." - Sungmin said.

"For what?" - Kyuhyun asked surprised.

"I had no clue to what you had gone through, I just assumed that it's how you are, back then I never thought that there could be something behind your actions, that something must have happened to make you push away everyone" – Sungmin explained.

 

"And how could you know that if I didn't tell you?" - Kyuhyun laughed - "You have nothing to be sorry about, I just was too stupid to trust you then, but I'm happy that now you know, it feels a lot better now that I've told you everything."

"I also want to be honest, but I don't even know with what to start" - Sungmin said.

"Take you time, we're not in hurry. You can think over everything and start to talk when you're ready" - Kyuhyun said gently smiling at Sungmin.

Sungmin also had to smile, Kyuhyun had opened to him and shared all his pain so he also really wanted to finally tell everything to Kyuhyun. He took a moment to remember things that made him put a mask of smile on his face and pretend that he's happy even though he wasn't.

 

 


	24. Can We Finally Be Honest? (Part 2)

_Sungmin also had to smile, Kyuhyun had opened to him and shared all his pain so he also really wanted to finally tell everything to Kyuhyun. He took a moment to remember things that made him put a mask of smile on his face and pretend that he's happy even though he wasn't._

 

"People that know me probably would say that I'm the happiest person they had known - always cheerful and smiling. But truth is that I haven’t been truly happy for a very long time. And well it’s not that I’m unhappy, mostly I really don’t have reason to complain about life, but when I had I still acted like everything is okay. Surprisingly you were the first one to see that. Back then I didn't know that you saw through me, I thought you didn’t even care about me, so why would you see that. Just from your letters I got to know that you did see through my smile and that it was also one of the reasons that made you push me away even more…" - Sungmin said sadly.

"Then I actually also didn’t realize it. I just got annoyed that you’re always so positive, while I couldn’t be like that. After hyungs death, when you took care of me, I found myself trying even harder to hurt you because I felt deeply hurt, but you just kept smiling. I wanted to see something more than seconds of sadness in your face. Your positivism made me think that you're not even capable to feel sadness, that you won't be able to understand me 'cause you don't know how it is to feel pain in your heart" - Kyuhyun said.

"I wish I'd have realized what I'm doing then" - Sungmin sighed.

"I wish I’d have realized that hurting you wasn’t right way to see that you have other emotions too" – Kyuhyun said back and they both smiled.

 

For a moment they were silent, Sungmin had his fingers in Kyuhyun's hair again.

"It's mainly 'cause of my family, that I started to pretend to be happy" - Sungmin started to talk, his attention still fully on Kyuhyun's hair - "I already told you that I meet them really rare, but it wasn't like that always  - they used to be by my side all the time, we were like normal family. But my 9th birthday was the last one I spent with both my parents, after that they got job offer in USA and they both moved leaving me in Korea with my grandmother. They said that we will still meet just not so often, but it was already months and I still hadn't seen them and I really missed them both. 

I often cried then 'cause I missed them. My grandmother didn't like it so she often cursed at me, but that made me even sadder and I ended up crying even more. I wished that she would have hugged me, said something nice, but I never got any of that.

One day I said her that I hate to live with her, that I want mom and dad back... she slapped me and I still can remember every word she said "You little disgusting brat.Others would be happy that their parents have such a good job, but you're so ungrateful - always just crying and thinking just about yourself.""

 

Sungmin tried really hard to not start to cry - it was painful for him to remember and talk about those things. Plus he wasn't used to be so honest with someone. 

Kyuhyun saw that Sungmin is fighting his tears said - "Don’t do that. If you feel like crying cry, ’cause I’ll be here for you."

Hearing Kyuhyun Sungmin gave up on fighting his tears and let them fall. He felt Kyuhyun pulling him closer and immediately put his arm around Kyuhyun's waist holding tightly onto him and sobbing in his chest.

"I'm sorry Minnie, you don't have to continue if it's too hard for you" - Kyuhyun said gently stroking Sungmin's hair.

"But I want... want you to know" - Sungmin sobbed.

"Are you sure?" - Kyuhyun asked worriedly, he did want to know Sungmin’s past, but at the same time he didn’t want him to force himself.

"Yes, I just need a moment" –Sungmin answered still leaning against Kyuhyun’s chest.

 

When Sungmin felt that he can talk again, he pulled back so that he can face Kyuhyun when talking.

"After that slap my relationship with grandmother was really tense. She kept repeating that she hates to have such a weak and annoying grandson.

In school situation wasn't better. I couldn't cry at home 'cause then I'd get hit or yelled at, so I did it at school, but there other kids got mad at me, they kept saying that I have no right to be sad, that everyone would like to have life like mine and so wealthy parents… But mentioning of my parents made me cry even more... I remember that there was class where we had talk about families, everyone shared their happy moments, but I couldn't remember any and again started to cry. Teacher got really mad at me, she called me _"rich spoiled kid"_. Everyone in the class was laughing.

Then I was just a kid so I got this thought that being sad is something bad if you have money, ‘cause other kids could cry and no one yelled or get mad at them, but I couldn't understand why. And although everyone said how good and perfect my life is, I hated to be from wealthy family 'cause that coasted me mom and dad. 

I lived like that for more than two years, it was soon after my 11th birthday when my parents visited me for the first time since they left. The moment I saw them I just couldn't control my emotions, I tightly hugged mom and cried that I want to be with them again, that I miss them and asked them to never leave me again... Mom also started to cry, but dad got mad and he raised his voice at me... It was first time in two years I saw him and he yelled at me. Mom told him to stop and they started to argue...

My grandmother made me go to my room, of course not forgetting to point out that my parents fight is my fault. I lay there on  my bed and I still couldn't understand why can't I show that I'm hurt, why everyone always got mad at me 'cause of that? My grandmother, schoolmates, teachers and even dad…"

 

Sungmin stopped to collect himself and think over how to continue.

"So you wasn’t always cheerful and smiling" – Kyuhyun stated.

"No… I was real crybaby" – Sungmin chuckled sadly.

"You were just a kid, it was just normal that you were sad without your parents" – Kyuhyun said.

"But everyone around me made me think that it’s something really bad…" – Sungmin said.

"Those kids probably were just jealous, but your grandmother… I don’t know maybe she just didn’t like kids or just had a bad character" – Kyuhyun guessed.

Sungmin smiled - "You’re right about my grandmother. When I was older I once asked mom, why she never liked me, and mom said that she always had been like that – even to my dad, her son, she never said one nice word."

"So why did they left you with her? Why didn’t they take you with them?"– Kyuhyun asked.

"They thought that it’s better if someone from family will be close to me, ‘cause they wouldn’t have time to spend with me even if they would have took me with them. I would need to spend time with some nanny, which would be complete stranger to me and plus in foreign country" – Sungmin explained - "Now I understand their reasons and I’m thankful to them that they left me here, but then I was just a kid that only wanted to be with his parents. I was too used to them, you can even say I was spoiled – since I remember myself, before they moved, they always was by my side. I could go to them cuddle, play whenever I wanted… but the suddenly I had no one…"

 

Kyuhyun saw that Sungmin again tried to hold back his tears so he pulled Sungmin closer and tightened his hold around him – he gently squeezed Sungmin’s shoulder and lovingly stroked his hair, like a parent would do to his child. Sungmin in return hugged back tightly, for a moment he still tried to fight his tears, but feeling Kyuhyun’s gentleness made him let them out…

When Sungmin had stopped crying he pulled back and kissed Kyuhyun whispering _thank you_ against his lips, Kyuhyun smiled hearing that.

Kyuhyun waited for Sungmin to continue, but he was silent and it looked that he didn’t know how to continue, so Kyuhyun decided to try to help him and asked - "What made you stop showing your sadness back then?"

Sungmin thought for a moment and then said - "Dad… and mom too…"

Kyuhyun looked at him confused.

Sungmin smiled sadly and continued - "That day when dad yelled at me, later he came in my room - he apologized and said that he yelled at me 'cause I made mom sad. He said that they too really miss me, and that they love me. He said that they had accepted that job, so that I would never miss anything, they wanted to secure my future… and that's why seeing me sad hurt them 'cause their goal was to make me happy. Dad hugged me really tightly and apologized for being bad father, for not being with me... I felt his tears and it made me feel really bad. I felt like all that grandmother and my classmates said was true – they were trying for me, but I just thought about myself…

Soon mom also came in room, and for the rest of the night we lay on the bed hugging and chatting… and that's when I came to thought that I can't be sad anymore 'cause it also made sad people I loved, last thing I wanted was for them to be hurt ‘cause of me.

So starting from next day no one saw me sad. The more I wanted to cry the more I smiled. At first it was really hard, but after some time I was so good at it that I could even persuade myself that I'm happy. When mom or dad called or visited, they always asked if I’m okay and although I wanted to say _no_ , I always just smiled and said that everything’s perfect… And well it kind of actually was okay – in school no one got mad at me anymore, I even made some friends, grandmother also wasn’t so sharp with me anymore. All I had to do was to smile and suddenly everything was okay…

When I was 17 I got my own apartment, my parents could afford that and they trusted me - they knew I can take care of myself, plus grandmother was getting too old to look after me. My apartment was where I could be myself, but I realized that although there I could finally cry, scream do anything to get out all I had to keep inside when I was around others, I just couldn't do that... I was too used to hide my true feelings even from myself... "

 

Sungmin stopped and Kyuhyun noticed that he looks worried about something.

"Minnie, what’s wrong?" – Kyuhyun asked gently.

Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun worry clear in his eyes and asked - "Do you think I’m stupid?"

"What? Why would I?" – Kyuhyun asked surprised.

"You don’t think that it’s stupid to be like I am, just because my parents weren’t by my side?" – Sungmin asked.

"It’s not stupid, I actually think that you were really strong for your age then – not everyone would be able to sacrifice themselves like that to make their parents happy. And plus I know how important it is to feel parents love at that age, and well actually at every age…" – Kyuhyun said, thoughts about his father crossed his mind, but he fastly put them aside  - "Why do you think that I would find that stupid?"

"Because once I told this to someone who I considered my friend, and after listening to me he said that it’s incredibly stupid ‘cause of some meaningless things become so emotional, that instead I should use the fact that my parents are rich and enjoy life, spend their money… He just like everyone else didn’t understand how much those _meaningless_ things affected me. I asked him if he thinks that it’s normal that I smile no matter what and he just said that it doesn’t matter to him… I slowly realized that all my so called friends doesn’t even know me, they had no idea how I actually felt, what they cared about was that I had money. It was painful realization, but I just kept pretending that everything is okay, ‘cause despite that I didn’t want to lose them… I didn’t want to be completely alone.

But I decided that I won't ever try to be honest, 'cause I had come to a conclusion that no one wants to see what I really feel, no one cared - so I just smiled.

And well I actually didn’t even have many reasons to be sad - I learned to accept the fact that I can’t meet mom and dad as much as I’d want, and life really wasn’t that bad, what you went through was a lot worse… it’s just that I had no one to trust and I was incredibly lonely… I really needed someone in my life. I wanted to love and be loved. I wasn't even expecting that person to care about what I really feel. It just didn't matter 'cause what I wanted was being loved - then I just didn't realize that loving means sharing everything not just your happiness. 

Probably that's why my first relationships failed - they said that they just don't feel comfortable with me, that I feel like a stranger. I just shrudded it off and said myself that they just weren’t the real ones for me.

You know I always had this belief that my heart is made for one, that I'll truly love just one person in my life, the ones I dated before I just liked it wasn't love, so I kept searching the one I could love. I knew I'm interested in men, so I looked for my prince on a white horse - and that's when I met you." 

 

Sungmin smiled and gently carresed Kyuhyun’s face.

"Sorry, that instead of prince you got a jerk like me" - Kyuhyun said.

"You're not a jerk and never were.You actually even helped me a bit, before I met you I hadn’t truly cried for years" - Sungmin said seriously.

"And how is that positive?" – Kyuhyun asked rising his eyebrow.

Sungmin laughed before answering - "Not sure if it will make sense, but for a change it was nice to cry for myself even if I didn't let anyone else to see that. Like it wasn’t that I didn’t cry at all – I could cry for others, you even saw me crying ‘cause of Ryeowook and Yesung hyung… but I forbid myself to pity me…"

 

"Well that’s actually is kind of stupid" – Kyuhyun said.

"Hey…" – Sungmin pouted and cutely glared at Kyuhyun.

"Aww…don’t be mad" – Kyuhyun said - "What I meant is that why would you always need to be the strong one? You just like everyone else have rights to be sad and hurt, you don’t have to always smile..."

Sungmin sighed - "When I was kid I didn’t understand that, people made me think that being sad is bad, but when I got older and realized that that thought is wrong I was already too used to always smile…"

"Min, you need to promise me something" - Kyuhyun said seriously.

"What?" - Sungmin asked curious.

"Promise that you won't hide behind that smile ever again. Promise to share all your worries and sadness with me, to not pretend you're okay when you're not" - Kyuhyun cupped Sungmin face in his arms and said - "Don't smile when you want to cry, let me support you like you supported me. Because I care, it matters to me whether you're happy or sad, I want you to come to me when you’re sad, to trust me and share all your pain and worries even if you think they’re meaningless…"

Sungmin's eyes were teary, and when Kyuhyun kissed him, he let his tears drop. They kissed slowly putting all their love in that kiss, neither of them was trying to deepen the kiss, 'cause it felt perfect just the way it was, lips against lips - gently and slowly, feeling every millimeter of each other’s skin.

When they parted Sungmin said - "I promise. But I'm sure I'll be okay, now that I have you I'll be okay."

 

Kyuhyun smiled and for a moment they just looked each other in the eyes lovingly, but then suddenly Sungmin forced Kyuhyun to lie down and got on top of him.

"Naughty bunny" – Kyuhyun said smiling.

"You’re the one to talk" – Sungmin said back but then started to plant gentle kisses all over Kyuhyun's face - kissing his forehead, nose, cheeks... Kyuhyun closed his eyes enjoying Sungmin’s kisses, he felt Sungmin nibbling on his ear before he started to follow his jawline, kissing, and gently biting it till he reached Kyuhyun's chin and giving it one last bite reached for Kyuhyun's lips, but stopped mere centimeter before them. 

Kyuhyun felt Sungmin's breath on his lips and waited for other to kiss him, but Sungmin didn't so he opened his eyes and looked confused to him. Sungmin smirked and not dragging away his eyes from Kyuhyun's reached out his tongue and drove it against Kyuhyun's lips, but he didn't stop with just that, Sungmin continued to assault Kyuhyun's lips with his tongue - droving it across his upper then lower lip, poking them with the end of tongue and then full circle across Kyuhyun lips. 

All that time their eyes were locked - it was incredible feeling for Kyuhyun, Sungmin's tongue working on his lips and his intense gaze made shivers run down his spine. It felt so much intimate than any other kiss he had ever experienced although it couldn't even be called actual kissing.

When Sungmin stopped Kyuhyun finally took a breath - he hadn't even realized that he had stopped breathing so now his lungs protested trying to get as much oxygen as possible.  Sungmin gave contended smile seeing what his little action had done to Kyuhyun, he put one hand on Kyuhyun's heart and felt it beating real fast just like his own…

 

When their lips finally met it was like someone had set fireworks between them. They had already kissed, but never had it felt so perfect – it was like their lips were made to perfectly fit with each other’s…. There was no more secrets between them, they had fully opened their hearts for each other and that made even as simple things as kiss and caress a lot more enjoyable experience, there was no more heavy burden of pasts pain on their hearts, so now they could fill them with love.

They were like two pieces of puzzle that finally had found each other and connected… now they just had to protect their connection so that nothing can ever again separate them.

 

 

 

 

Next morning Kyuhyun woke up with a smile on his lips, he expected to feel Sungmin next to him, but other side of bed was empty. Kyuhyun sat in the bed confused, he called Sungmin's name, but got no response. Kyuhyun stood up and walked out of bedroom, there was smell of food from kitchen so he went there - he saw breakfast all prepared, but there were no sign of Sungmin. The sigt in front of him seemed familiar, he felt sharp pain in his heart when he remembered that it was exactly like the morning Sungmin left him years ago.

"Minnie..." - Kyuhyun weakly called, hoping that Sungmin will just hop out of somewhere, but there still was no sign of other. Kyuhyun went to living room and sat on couch trying to calm down - there probably was good explanation why Sungmin wasn't there... but his brain kept repeating that Sungmin left him again...

           

Suddenly Kyuhyun heard doors opening and turned to see Sungmin entering apartment.

"Oh hi, you're up. I went after milk" - Sungmin cheerfully said.

"Lee Sungmin, you idiot" - Kyuhyun said and next thing Sungmin knew there was pillow flying to his side, he didn't expect that so he couldn't react in time, and pillow hit him in the face.

"What the hell Kyu?" - Sungmin asked shocked.

"Don't ever do that... don't ever leave me with made breakfast, like... like that day" - Kyuhyun said lowering his head.

"Wait you didn't think that.... Cho Kyuhyun you idiot" - Sungmin took the pilow and threw it back to Kyuhyun succesfully hitting him - "Do you think I ran after you to airport, told you everything about my past, just to spend a night with you and leave?"

Kyuhyun didn't say anything he just looked at Sungmin guilty, his eyes were teary and he knew it was stupid from him, but he couldn't help it - waking up without Sungmin scared him. Sungmin sighed seeing Kyuhyun like that and went to pull him in the hug.

"Pabo Kyu" - Sungmin said.

"I know" - Kyuhyun mumbled - "But please don't leave me like that again, I was scared..."

"I just went after milk 'cause you didn't have any and I know you like milk in breakfast, I just wanted to make breakfast before you wake up" - Sungmin explained.

"I can wait for breakfast, but I don't want to wake up alone in bed" - Kyuhyun said - "Just next time wake me up, don't leave me like that."

"I promise. And sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" - Sungmin said pecking Kyuhyun.

"It’s okay, I should apologize for letting my mind scare me like that, it’s just I don't ever want to lose you again" - Kyuhyun said looking Sungmin in the eyes.

Sungmin sighed and rested his forehead on Kyuhyun’s - "I guess it will take time to completely heal... but together we can do that, right?"

Kyuhyun nodded smiling and pulled back a little just to reach Sungmin’s lips. While they were kissing they both knew that not everything will be easy, and they still need to overcome their insecurities, but they had each other, so they were sure that they’ll manage to do that... together they’ll manage...

 

 


	25. Finally Happy

It was another five years later and Kyuhyun was sitting next to Yesung's and Ryeowook's graves. It still pained his heart that his hyungs were dead, but he had learned to remember them with smile. He still really missed his hyungs, but he had decided to hold on to happy memories they had – all those times they laughed together, played pranks or just talked…

 

Suddenly there were small chubby arms around his neck and he felt small body pressing against his back.

"Kyu appa, who are they?" - Asked little boy in his cute child’s voice.

Kyuhyun turned and smiled at his son, he put his arm around kid and kissed his cheek making kid giggle cutely.

"Do you remember story about YeWook I told you?" - Kyuhyun asked and kid nodded.

"So this is that place where they’re sleeping now?" – Kid asked.

"Yes Deulie, this is where they can sleep together eternally" – Kyuhyun said.

"Will you tell me that story again?" – Sandeul asked cutely.

"You already know it by heart" – Kyuhyun laughed - "but if you really want I’ll tell you it again before sleep."

"Yay…" – Sandeul cheered.

Kyuhyun smiled at his cuteness, he was really happy that his son knew about his hyungs and loved them – YeWook story had become Sandeul’s favorite story before sleep and he never could get enough of it, just like their album was one of his favorite picture books.

"Appa, how do I call them?" - Sandeul asked making Kyuhyun snap out of his thoughts.

"What do you mean?" – Kyuhyun asked.

"You’re my appa, but they’re…"

Kyuhyun thought for a moment and chuckled when a thought occurred to him - "They called me their baby and you're my baby, so I guess you can call them grand-appas."

 

"You really have no shame Cho Kyuhyun, treating your dead hyungs like that…" - Kyuhyun looked up and smiled seeing Sungmin that was smiling at him despite his schooling. They both still were together, but now as a married couple. Of course they couldn’t do that officially, but it didn’t matter – their hearts belonged to each other and that was all they needed.

Kyuhyun remembered how about year ago Sungmin had shyly asked if Kyuhyun by any chance wouldn’t want to marry him. Sungmin had stuttered for a while nervously fidgeting in his seat, and when he finally had managed to get out those words, Sungmin had turned bright red and shyly looked down, while Kyuhyun was crying tears of joy…

Kyuhyun smiled at the beautiful memory and when he turned away his look from Sungmin’s face , he saw in his lover’s arms another two reasons to smile - about three month old twin boys Kwangmin and Youngmin.

All three kids were adopted, because of course none of them could give birth, but they loved them just like they would love their real children. Neither Sungmin nor Kyuhyun could say that their childhood was happy, so they made sure that their children childhood is filled with happiness and love from their parents.

 

Sandeul was already 6 years old and they had adopted him 4 years ago. At first they had wanted newborn baby,but the moment Kyuhyun saw Sandeul kid immediately got his heart. And seeing how it took just seconds for Kyuhyun and Sandeul to get along, Sungmin had no objections to adopt him.

Plus Sandeul somehow resembled them both – his face was like combination of their both faces and he could compete in cuteness with Sungmin. When Henry first time saw kid he had even asked if they had discovered a way for two males to have a child.

When they decided to adopt second time, they had wanted baby girl, but this time it was Sungmin that got mesmerized by twin boys. And so now they had three sons.

 

Sungmin sat down next to Kyuhyun and gave one twin to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun looked at little baby in his arms and felt warmth in his heart. He had no reason to complain about life - he had three lovely sons and man he loved by his side. He felt content with his little family.

Kyuhyun glanced at his hyungs graves and smiled, they had came there to introduce twins to his hyungs 'cause he still counted them as his family, and since he and Sungmin with kids had moved back to their hometown he could visit them as often as he used to and talk to them, just now he had a reason to smile in front of them.

 

"Will next baby be soon?" - Sandeul's question made Kyuhyun snap out of thoughts and he looked confused at Sungmin who seemed as surprised about question as Kyuhyun.

"Why do you think we plan another baby?" - Sungmin asked.

"I heard sounds - it sounded like Kyu appa was in pain... I told Henry about it and he said that I shouldn't be worried, 'cause those are sounds of making baby" - Sandeul said innocently while his two appas had their mouth wide open and slight blush on their cheeks.

"Kyu, that hamster is corrupting our baby" - Sungmin whined.

"I'll need to cut his food reserves to give him a lesson, he won't even get close to our kitchen" - Kyuhyun said.

 

Henry and Zhoumi also had also moved from Seoul and lived not far from Kyuhyun and Sungmin, so they were often visitors. With years their friendship had become really strong, and both – Kyuhyun and Sungmin, were still really grateful for helping them to get together.        

Kyuhyun and Sungmin now had not only each other, but two friends to whom they could really trust and that would support them no matter what.

 

"Don't listen to what that hamster in human skin is saying, we don't plan another baby" - Kyuhyun said to his son and Sungmin nodded.

"So here isn't baby?" - Sandeul asked putting his hand on Kyuhyun's stomach.

Kyuhyun and Sungmin looked sadly at each other; they knew that there will be time that they'll need to explain to kids that they're not like so called _normal_ families. It also had been reason why at first they had hesitated to adopt; they didn't want kids to grow up and start to hate them.

 

"Kyu appa can't have baby in there and neither can I..." - Sungmin said.

"Why?" - Sandeul asked.

"Deulie you're too young for this conversation now, but when you'll get older we will talk about it, okay?" - Sungmin said hoping that Sandeul's curiosity will be stopped with that.

"But I wanted baby sister. Can't you really make one?" – Sandeul looked to his both dads with innocent child eyes.

"How about we make a deal - now we have to take good care of Kwangminnie and Youngminnie, but when they will be as old as you’re now we will talk about baby sister. Until then you can help to take care of your brothers and be a good hyung to them" - Kyuhyun suggested.

After moment of thinking Sandeul said - "Okay, I'll be the best hyung in the world."

Both Sungmin and Kyuhyun sighed relieved.

"Of course you will" - Sungmin said lovingly ruffling Sandeul’s hair.

Kyuhyun glanced at YeWook graves again and smiled - although they left him so early they were best hyungs in the world for him.

He felt arm sneaking around his waist and turned to face Sungmin who gave him light kiss on the lips.

 

They both could say that they were truly happy. All pain and separation in past appeared to be very useful 'cause now they knew how to treasure each other, they didn't spend time in useless fights and didn't argue about some meaningless things, instead they never got tired to repeat to  each other how much they loved other and how happy they were to have other in their lives.

Of course not everything was perfect, two human beings will never completely agree with each other about everything. Sometimes they did had different opinions about things related to kids or what to have for dinner, how to spend weekends, who will clean house... but instead of making big fight out of those things, like a lot of people did, they tried to calmly find compromise and mostly they succeeded. When they didn't they had found perfect way of solving their disagreements - they just went in separate rooms and it didn't even take ten minutes that they got to conclusion that having other by their side is more important than see their favorite TV show or have their preferred nanny for kids.

 

The beginning of their relationship had been especially hard. Even though they had managed to share their past stories, it wasn’t that easy to heal their scars and it took time and a lot of patience to do that.

Even after telling his past to Kyuhyun, Sungmin had problems to be completely honest... there were times when he felt sad for some reasons and he tried to hide that from Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun saw through Sungmin... he forced Sungmin to talk with him about his worries – it even went to the point that they both were sitting and crying from frustration, but slowly, slowly there wasn't need for Kyuhyun to force Sungmin - Sungmin learned to be honest with Kyuhyun, to completely trust his lover. He didn't smile when he felt sad anymore, instead he went to Kyuhyun and told about his worries, which mostly wasn't even anything big and one 'I love you' and hug from Kyuhyun made him smile again, smile ‘cause he felt like smiling not ‘cause he had to.

Kyuhyun also had one problem - he was incredibly paranoid to lose Sungmin. He would start to panic if he didn't feel Sungmin next to him, the moment Sungmin left bed Kyuhyun would immediately wake up and desperately search for his lover. And when Sungmin was late from work there even were times when he found Kyuhyun curled in ball in their shared bed and the moment Sungmin hugged him he burst out in tears... But time and Sungmin's love erased those fears. It was when they adopted Sandeul that Kyuhyun’s fears suddenly just vanished. Sungmin realized it when one night he woke up 'cause he heard Sandeul crying - he fed baby, put it back to sleep and then went back to his and Kyuhyun’s shared bedroom. He expected to see Kyuhyun all awake and panicked like always when Sungmin left bed before him, but instead Kyuhyun was sleeping peacefully. Raising baby together made him feel secure, because he finally had family. Thanks to that he could put aside his fear and trust Sungmin that he won’t leave him.

 

Kyuhyun turned to look at Sungmin, who, just like he just now, also was deep in thoughts. Kyuhyun was delighted to see big smile spreading on his lover’s face - smile that was not just on his lips, but also reached his eyes making them shine brightly.

Kyuhyun leaned in and gently kissed Sungmin making him snap out of his thoughts.

"I love you, Minnie" - Kyuhyun said.

"I love you too, Kyu" - Sungmin said back.

"I too love… both" - Sandeul said pouting and tried to put his small arms around both his appas necks, but they appeared too short and it made his pout grow even bigger.

Sungmin and Kyuhyun laughed at his cuteness and then leaned closer so that their all  faces were touching, but Sandeul was able to hug them both so on kids face appeared big smile, that made his appas smile as brightly.

They heard cute giggling and looked down to see that Kwangmin had waked up and now looked up at them smiling cute baby smile, Youngmin also started to wake up cutely moving his small legs and arms.

Soon all little family was smiling brightly at each other and from the edge of the clouds two souls looked down and also smiled.

 

 

"He really managed to find his happiness…" – said Yesung back hugging his slightly smaller lover.

"Yes, they both were meant to be together. And I’m so happy that he isn’t suffering ‘cause of us anymore" – Ryeowook said still looking down. He smiled, but there was hint of sadness in that smile – he couldn’t deny that he would have wanted to be down there and hug his brother, to hug Sungmin and thank him for bringing happiness in Kyuhyun’s life…

"Don’t be sad, you will meet him again" – Yesung said hugging his lover a little bit tighter - "Now they have to enjoy their happiness on Earth, but I’m sure that one day they will also be here, after all they went through not even death will be able to separate them… just like us."

Ryeowook smiled hearing his lover’s words, and gave him light peck to thank for cheering up him. He looked back down and saw that Kyuhyun with family was about to leave. Suddenly Sandeul turned to the direction where he and Yesung were and looked up. As if seeing them kid smiled and waved his little hand.

"Deulie what are you doing?" – Sungmin asked kneeling down beside him and also looking up.

"I’m waving goodbye to grand-appas. You said they’re in heaven, it’s up there right?" – Sandeul said and turned back continuing his waving. Kyuhyun and Sungmin exchanged surprised looks, but then also looked up – Sungmin smiled and also waved. Kyuhyun saw that and joined them feeling tears escaping from his eyes.

Yesung and Ryeowook looked down shocked for a moment - Ryeowook saw Kyuhyun’s tears and couldn’t stop his own. He and Yesung waved back although they knew that no one could see them…

A moment later each turned to different direction - Kyuhyun with family were heading back home, to keep with their lives on Earth, but Ryeowook and Yesung went back in The Sapphire Blue City where lovers could get their second chance, chance to have eternal love.

Ryeowook took one last look back and saw Kyuhyun also looking back and smiling. Ryeowook smiled too and whispered – "We’ll definitely meet again… but till then keep smiling..."

 

**~FIN~**

 


End file.
